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ignorantsanity

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I wake up in the morning, sweat dripping of my face. Another nightmare. Every night it’s the same. I awake screaming for help, afraid my nightmares will come true, adding to the pain that’s already been cased. I clench my eyes tight hoping all will go, hoping the fear will leave. It never does. Mum’s use to the unslept nights, she doesn’t worry she does care. I’m just a mistake she made 18years ago on that drunken night with that guy she knew for only a few hours. I ruined her life and she won’t let me forget it, I’m reminded everyday when I look into the mirror.

These nightmares turn out to be my past. So many things I regret so many things I couldn’t stop from happening. My mother just stood and watched on that crystal clear night. The moon shone bright that man mum called to be her lover was here.

He held me against the wall, I struggled and fought back but he was to strong. Mum just watched, laughing. My clothes were ripped, shredded to pieces there was nothing I could do he was to powerful. I can hear someone screaming, yelling at the top of there lungs for help. I realise it is I who is screaming but no one seems to care. His body pounding against mine. The pain is too much; I begin to cry my tattered clothes now covered in my blood. I lay there beaten and shaken. My mind in a mess I run, I run for my life, grabbing the kitchen knife as I run. No one follows, no one cares.

My body now lies uncovered and bleeding in the forest. Seconds from death I feel soft hands touching me lifting my beaten body off the ground. For once in my life someone seems to care. I drift into shock awakening to be surrounded by machines keeping me alive. The room is bare the one I thought cared has left. I’m alone once again. Addicted to drugs, suicidal and alone. I’m released from the hospital and back into my old ways.

Scared of living my life in pain and with no one to love and care for me I see no point in carrying on in life. I plan what I believe is the only way ill ever be in peace and away from pain. I write the one letter that will explain it all to who finds me naked body lying on the grass. As I drift into a deep sleep I say goodbye to this crewel world ill now be at peace.