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iBlonde94

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We’d been walking for about ten minutes trying to get away from everyone and everything. We went behind the amphitheatre to a woody area, so we wouldn’t have to be on the streets in town where even more fans would want to talk to him. We hadn’t spoken at all. About five more minutes later Sonny spoke,

“How have you been these past couple of years?” I stopped walking and leaned against a tree. I opened my mouth to speak but my throat closed up. My mouth was dry. I couldn’t speak. I started coughing. He stopped walking and turned to look at me with worried eyes. He looked around frantically for something. He took something out of one of the pockets in his shorts. It was a water bottle. I graciously took it and drank about half the bottle in one gulp.

“Heh, sorry,” I said smiling.

“What happened?”

“Umm I,” I stopped. I couldn’t tell him the real reason. ‘I choked because I’m afraid to talk to you.’ That would be so rude, so I made up an excuse. “I think I’m coming down with something.” I looked at the ground when I said it.

“Mmm hmm,” he said doubtfully. He knew I was lying. I could never fool him. “Back to the first question, how have you been?” I thought for a moment. Should I give him a one-word answer or tell him everything? Should I tell him I’ve had lots of boyfriends or none at all (which was the truth)?

“Fine?” I said in a questioning tone. He looked at me square in the eyes. “Umm, not good?” He put his head down some but still looked me in the eye. He squinted his eyes. “Horrible, terrible, almost as bad as things can get.” I sighed and slid down the tree to sit on the ground. He sat down across from me Indian-style.

“Tell me Stace Face,” he said sadly. He used to call me that when we were together.

“Okay Sonshine,” I said smiling a little using his nickname I had given him. He grinned. I took a deep breath. “Well, first of all, you knew I didn’t want to leave. That created some friction between my dad and me when we got to New York. I stayed in the house all the time and wouldn’t eat anything. I told him I’d rather starve to death than go on living away from y—LA.” I was about to say you but didn’t want to divulge that information. He looked at me skeptically. “Do you really want me to tell you everything?” I asked hoping he would say no.

“Yes, of course,” he replied. I nodded. I still wasn’t going to tell him everything, though.

“I had to go to school, though, so that was the only time I left my room. I would only eat at school because the teachers started to worry when they saw me every day not eating and sitting by myself in the back. I’d go home and throw it all up before my parents got home. My mom was really worried by the time Christmas came around, so she got me a therapist.

“I had to go every day for a month until the therapist decided I didn’t need to go that much because I’d been showing a lot of progress. I just pretended to be different. You know what she told me? I was anorexic, bulimic, and had BDD. Do you know what that is?” I was tearing up now. “Body dysmorphic disorder!” I shouted. I broke down sobbing now. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back.

“What is body dysmorphic disorder?” he asked stroking my hair and still holding on to me. I was beginning to slow down on my crying.

“It’s when you see a flaw on your body and fixate on it.” He cleared his throat and shifted. I sensed he was uncomfortable. I stood up, leaving the shelter of his arms. “Look, you didn’t come out here to hear about all my fucked up shit, so I’m leaving.” I started walking, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his body. Since I was shorter than him, I was staring into his neck. It looked so pale and inviting in the moonlight. I wanted to kiss it… “I want to hear all your problems. I don’t want you to leave,” he said in my ear. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself. I felt like I was going to fall from the feelings I had standing this close to him. I nodded and he wrapped his arms around me.

“Can I hear your problems?” I asked so quietly that he had to lean in near my mouth to hear.

“Sure.” He put my hair behind my ear. “When you moved I started to get really depressed. The only thing that kept me going were those letters you sent me and the thought of being able to go on tour with this band. They flew me out, and I joined after they heard me sing. My parents told me I was adopted too. That definitely didn’t help my depression. Our fans are what keep me going since you stopped sending letters. Why did you stop?”

“I lost hope of ever seeing you again, so I thought ‘Why torture myself?’. You know?” I felt him nod his head. “So, have you had any more girlfriends?”

“No, there’s never been anyone but you,” he said softly. I heard him sniffle. I could’ve sworn he was crying. That made me want to cry. “What about you?” he croaked out.

“Nobody but you Sonny,” I whispered. The tears fell down my face.

“Does that mean you still lo—“

“Hey, how about you go and introduce me to the band,” I said interrupting him and walking out of his arms back to the amphitheatre. I heard him sigh and start walking behind me.

“He’s staring at your fat ass now. You shouldn’t have eaten at all today. I knew it. I told you, but did you listen to me? No. Goddamn lard ass, how hard is it to not eat? He’s looking at all the cellulite you have. Those pants are way too tight for your fat ass. Go get it all out of your system now before it’s too late,” the nagging voice said. I stopped walking, and Sonny ran in to my back.

“Hey, can you go on? I have to pee really bad. I can’t wait, gotta squat,” I said walking into the trees away from the path. He nodded his head while still looking down at the ground and walked a little faster. I waited until I could barely see him in the distance and bent over and stuck my finger down my throat. The chunks came rushing out.

I realized that Sonny would find out because of my breath. Then I remembered his water bottle was in my pocket, and I still had a stick of gum in the other pocket. I rinsed out and stuck the gum in my mouth. I ran to catch up with him. I ran into him because I didn’t see his black jacket since the moon was blocked at the moment. I fell on top of his back. I stood up quickly and held out my hand.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed. He took my hand and got up.

“It’s fine,” he said starting to walk. He didn’t let go of my hand either. We finally made it to their tour bus. He walked in first still holding my hand. They hadn’t seen me yet. Someone yelled,

“Sonny! Where were you? We were about to get everybody out to look for you!” He pulled me up the rest of the stairs. “Oh.”

“Aww, look, Sonny’s got a girlfriend!” another guy yelled. I blushed and let go of his hand. I saw him mouth the word thanks to the guy. He shrugged his shoulders, and Sonny rolled his eyes.

“Guys, this is Stacey,” Sonny said. All of them looked at each other with a knowing glance. They stood up and walked over to me.

“I’m Matt,” the tallest one said. He picked me up and gave me a hug. Good god, he must’ve been at least a foot taller than me. Everyone laughed at my face.

“I’m Derek,” a guy with blisters all over his hands said. He shook my hand, and that’s how I knew about his blisters. He must’ve been the drummer. I didn’t remember their instruments because I was focusing on Sonny the whole time.

Everyone after that horrifying hug shook my hand. Travis had the longest hair dyed black. Wes had dark hair. I wasn’t sure if it was black or brown. He looked a lot different and better than when he played for Limp Bizkit.

“So, you’re on the staff? Just here, or are you coming everywhere?” Matt asked.

“I’m going everywhere,” I said sitting down by Sonny.

“That should be great fun! Maybe you can sleep over one night.” He smiled really big and went to the back of the bus.

“Don’t mind Matt. He’s kinda psycho,” Sonny whispered in my ear. I giggled. The remaining guys all looked at one another and smiled, but when they saw me looking, they stopped and went back to what they were doing. “I missed your laugh.” I tensed up. I looked at him, and he was grinning. I stood up.

“Well, I really should be going now. I have to go help clean up, I think. See you guys tomorrow,” I said walking away before Sonny could grab my wrist again. I shut the door and was walking away until I heard Sonny scream,

“Damn it!” One of the windows on the bus was open. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop…