Jones [2]

I had fucked three out of four of them.

I was waiting, however, for Jackie to bring up Shanna. Finally, she did. "Yeah. Well, I hadn’t talked to Shanna since, gosh... freshman year? Then all of a sudden, yesterday, she called me and asked me if we could hang out, that she’d had a bad night."

"Really? What happened to her?"

"She wouldn’t say. She just kept saying that she’d ‘make him pay’, and that he’s ‘such an asshole’."

"Hm. That’s weird."

"Yeah, well, I’m really worried about her. I wouldn’t have left her today except that she had a doctor’s appointment right after school let out."

All at once, realization sunk in. Shanna was going to pay me back, all right. "Holy hell! I’m sorry. I gotta go."

"What? Why? I have no way home."

"You can come with me; I’ll explain later."

"Okay." We had both eaten about half of the food we’d ordered when we stormed out of the restaurant. I was dragging Jackie behind me.

I pulled the truck out as fast as I could. Thank God I knew exactly where I was going. One night I had had truck trouble right outside the place I was speeding to: Right Of Women Everywhere Women’s Clinic. They were known simply as ROWE to locals, but they had been controversial since they had opened, back when I was young.

ROWE was only about a five minute drive from the restaurant we were eating at, and I got there in a little under four minutes. "What are we doing here?"

I ignored Jackie’s question altogether and ran inside, not sure if Jackie was following me. I found when I entered that the waiting room was empty except for me, and Jackie came in only a few seconds after me. Before I could even ask a nurse something as she passed by, Shanna came walking out of a room, sobbing loudly.

I ran to Shanna and hugged her. "Tell me you didn’t!" I whispered this into her ear intensely.

"I... I..." She was sobbing too much to speak. I pulled away, never letting go of her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. "I couldn’t." I wrapped my arms around her once more.

"Oh, thank God." I looked at Shanna and then back at Jackie whose face was one of bewilderment. "Let’s go." I ushered Shanna out the door; Jackie followed closely behind us. I knew that Shanna had probably already paid for whatever she was paying these people for, because the doctor she’d walked out with and the nurse behind the desk didn’t object.

We all got into the truck, and Jackie was the first to speak. "Does anyone wanna tell me what the hell is going on?"

Shanna was still crying, so I told Jackie. "She’s pregnant with my baby."

"What?! You’re the asshole? Why didn’t someone tell me?" Jackie sighed. "Well, this will make for an interesting trip to New Zealand, huh?"

"I don’t know about that," I said, backing out of the parking lot.

"Mmm." Jackie said this as though she had no clue what else she could say, and I didn’t know if she was angry or in shock. I didn’t know if I could ever expect her to talk to me again.

I dropped Jackie off at her house first, letting her know not to tell anyone yet, please. She agreed. I had a lot to think about, but I couldn’t help but hope she didn’t hate me. We stopped at Shanna’s house next, and I stood next to her as she told her parents. "We’re gonna have a baby." Her parents’ eyes grew wide in shock.

They spoke simultaneously, but I got most of what they said.

Dad: "What do you mean? You’re going to have a baby? You’re pregnant? Don’t you know about safe sex? Do you know what kind of a responsibility you’re taking on?!" (Turns to me) "I hope you’re prepared to step up and be a man. A woman’s not the only one it takes to have a baby."

Mom: "Oh, hell. I know I raised you better than this, young lady. And YOU!" (Turns to me) "I would definitely expect you, a leader in this community, to know better than to run around spreading your seed like an irresponsible bag of shit! I hope you like changing diapers, mister!"

After Shanna thanked me and assured me that she’d be fine, I drove home, ready to face the truth. When I walked in, Mom was sitting on the couch, almost as though she’d never gotten up from the night before, but I knew better than that. She knew something was up when I asked, "Is Dad around?"

"I think he’s in the bathroom. Why?"

"I just wanted to talk to you guys about something."

"Bob! Get out here!"

"Hold on, Dina. Can’t I take a leak?"

"Our son needs us!"

Dad came out of the bathroom. "What?" I sat in the Lazyboy at the end of the coffee table, and Dad sat next to Mom.

"You guys, I’ve been very irresponsible in my life, especially for the past four years. Finally, though, it’s catching up with me, and I’m growing up as a result." Hell, no, I didn’t think of that off of the top of my head. I thought about it all the way home. "You guys know Shanna Powell, right?"

"Yeah," Mom inserted, no smile on her face. "That’s the girl you took to your junior prom, right?"

"Yes. Well, she told me, Friday night, that she’s pregnant. And it’s my baby."

Mom just stared at me blankly. She should’ve screamed. She should’ve kicked and told me that I was wasting my life. She should’ve smacked me and told me that she was disappointed in my choices. She didn’t do that, though. "Well, I’m glad you’re growing up. You’ll need to be an adult to be a father." Half of the burden was lifted from my heart.

Dad didn’t say anything for a long time. It was like he was trying to cook up the manliest thing to say that he could think of. "Well, I hope you don’t think the rascal’s going to call me grandpa." Dad laughed, which, for some reason, put me at ease.

"So you’re not going to kick me out?"

"Well, no!" My mother shouted, shocked. "We love you, even if you do stupid things." Mom stood; she was going to come hug me, but before she could, Dad did.

"I love you, son." I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you, too."

*****

New Zealand is a strange and wonderful place. The waters are blue, the skies are blue, the walls of the nursery in Shanna’s house back home are blue. I was in New Zealand when I found out that my baby was a boy. I ran out onto the beach, where Gill was talking to three of the most beautiful women in all of the NZ.

"It’s a boy, Gill!" I said, when I was almost five feet from him.

"What?" He turned, pretending to be chill.

"I’m having a boy!"

"Good for you," he said, feigning nonchalantness.

"Come with me!" I said, grabbing his hand.

Gill yanked from my grasp and whispered to me, "What are you doing? Please don’t."

"Gill, life’s not all about the ladies. Let’s go celebrate."

"Jones, do we have to do this now?"

"This is our last night in New Zealand. Let’s go do something fun."

Gill turned to the ladies. "Girls, I have stuff to do." He smirked at their disappointed sighs. "I’ll see you later."

Gill had been macking for three straight weeks. I hadn’t looked at one single girl (or any taken ones, for sure), but Gill... he was another story. He was taking full advantage of my vow of celibacy, and I was regretting it every day.

Every time we had walked into a club, every time I drank a sip, every time I looked out across the beach, I wished that I could take it back [the vow, that is], but I knew that that would do me no good. Over the course of the three weeks I spent in New Zealand, I had so many colorful dreams. Let’s just say that I usually woke up sweating.

On the last evening, I made Gill come back up into the hotel. We packed our stuff, and got everything ready for the next morning. Check-out was at 10:00 and our flight home was at 12:30. That night, we would have a party.

You know what’s the weirdest thing ever? Holding your baby for the first time. It’s the opposite of hearing that someone is dead, because you’re happy, and yet, you go through some of the same feelings. At first, you don’t believe it, and when you do come to terms with it, it still doesn’t feel real. Eventually, though, it just becomes the way things are.

Jacoby was almost three months old before I talked to Jackie again. Shanna and I had worked out something so that I could see Jacoby, but I could still live my life. Shanna was being so helpful and selfless. Turns out the Olympic scouts did like me. I couldn’t wait until I could run faster than ever and win something amazing for my country, for myself. Shanna allowed Gill to be in the delivery room when she gave birth, and he’s been celibate ever since. Doubt that will last.

I was on my way to go pick up Jacoby for a man’s day out when Jackie finally called me. "Hello?"

"Hey... uh, how’s the baby?"

"Wow, I can’t believe you called. Jacoby... he’s good. Um, what’s up?"

"Uh, I guess nothing. I was just wondering... I’m off from school for a couple of days, and I was wondering if we could get some lunch and talk... just as friends."

"Sure. You mind if Jacoby comes along? We were already planning and man’s day."

"Oh, uh, no. Not at all."

I couldn’t wait to see Jackie. I just hoped she could still see me as the Jones I’ve always been... but the good parts.

When I pulled into Shanna’s driveway, she was standing on the porch, waiting to give me Jacoby and all of his things. "Don’t forget to have him home by 7:30. I just changed him, and he’s just woken from a nap, so you don’t have to worry about any of that. He ate about 20 minutes ago. After you eat, make sure you go back by your house for at least a few minutes. I called your mom and she really wants to see him."

"Okay, okay. Jackie’s meeting us at McDonald’s." It poured out of my mouth as a confession.

Shanna wanted to be happy for me, I could tell she did, but her smile faded at this. "Well, okay. I hope you guys can work something out. I’m glad she’s not mad at you."

"Me, too." I opened the backdoor of Shanna’s car and grabbed Jacoby’s carseat and transplanted it in the passenger’s seat of my mom’s car. I set Jacoby in it, noting his bubbly, smiling face, which happened to be dripping with drool. I used his bib to wipe it up and then strapped him into the seat. I moved the seat to the back, the baby facing the back of the seat, and turned to grab Jacoby’s diaper bag, placing it between the two front seats. "Bye, Shanna." I kissed her cheek.

"Bye, Jones." She accepted the kiss and with her arms crossed, as though she was my good old wife, and I was her wayward husband.

"Hey," Jackie said with a smile as she walked through the doors of McDonald’s.

"Hi," I replied, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes were stuck on Jacoby. His highchair was set up at the end of the small table I was sitting at.

For the first time in my life, I witnessed Jackie acting remotely passive. She sat down in the booth across from me. "Aw, he’s so cute." I smiled, proud. "Looks just like you."

"Aw, no. He has Shanna’s eyes."

"How is Shanna?" She seemed to have settled into the situation. This question, though, took the conversation into dangerous territory... small-talk territory. Unless, that is, Jackie was genuinely curious.

"She’s good. She’s completely different as a mom. I mean, she’s still Shanna, she just loves Jacoby so much. We both do; more than we ever could’ve imagined loving him."

"Oh." I knew this would further alienate Jackie. What did we have in common anymore, anyway? "So, you and Shanna are planning on marriage?"

"Oh, no, no, no. Don’t get me wrong, she’s cool, and I really do love her in some weird she’s-my-baby’s-mother way, but we could never work. We’re just so different."

"Oh," Jackie said, seeming happier. "Well, I wanted to talk to you about some stuff." She was getting down to business.

"Sure."

"It was shocking when that all happened with the clinic and everything. I had no clue about any of that stuff, so it really freaked me out. At first, I didn’t know how to react and how to treat you. Now, I’m sorry that I blew you off for the whole last bit of school after that and that I didn’t decide to apologize until now."

"It’s fine. I’m not sure that I would’ve acted differently."

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that I really like you. Is this baby the reason you changed so much?"

"I think so," I tell her, really assessing the situation for the first time. "I guess so. I mean, if he hadn’t come along when he did, I know I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you right now."

"Then, I should thank him, too?"

I smiled, not knowing how to react.

"Anyway, I guess I’ll leave you and Coby to your man’s day."

Coby? No one had really called him that before, but I liked it. "You can hang out with us. Let me get you something to eat, and then I’m taking Jack to see his grandma." Jack was my nickname for Jacoby.

"Oh, okay. That actually sounds fun." That definitely meant she wanted to spend time with me. Who wants to go hang out with someone’s mom and baby just to catch up on months passed? No one in their right mind.

After we ate, we got into Mom’s car and I headed to my house. I opened to door and was greeted with a warm... note.

With as "modern business" as my mother was, you would’ve thought she could’ve called. Has she ever heard of a cell phone?

"Barren? Who’s Barren?"

Jackie giggled, and my face blushed. "That’s my name. Barren Jones Levvy Everette."

"Nice."

"Yeah." I set Jacoby down, still in his carrier, on the couch before sitting down next to him. He smiled and cooed, spewing bubbles. His color of his dark eyes looked liquid, like Shanna’s, and he batted his curly lashes, shoving his fist in his mouth. I watched in wonder.

Jackie sat down next to me. Something told me it was time to talk. We didn’t get right down to it, though. "You really love him, don’t you?"

"Yes, so much! I mean, I had a part in making those little fingers, and those little toes..." I realized I was sounding kind of girly. I stopped.

"I understand. I do have something to say, though, because I don’t want to be... misleading."

"What is it?"

Jackie breathed. "Well, I just wanted to let you know that I really like you, but this whole baby thing means we can’t really work right now. You made everything right by taking care of Jacoby and being there for Shanna, but, you know, he’s still here." She pointed to Jack.

"I know that..." I search for the words. "Let’s just be friends. If anything happens down the road, it happens. Right now, though, I need a good friend."

"Alright," she smiled, seeming to be thinking exactly what I was thinking.

We leaned in at the same time and locked lips for the last time, but before I could even see the color of the fireworks overhead, Jacoby broke out into a blood-curdling cry. I quickly jumped from the couch to see what was wrong, and he stopped crying. "Muh-da-" He curled his tiny fingers and reached his chubby arms out to me. I picked him up, relieved that he was not hurt.

"Well, I have to go. I guess you can call me sometime." Jackie stood from the couch, blushing. "Gill’s track practices are long, but he says he’ll see you soon."

"Wait." I knew Jackie and had bad timing, that we really could’ve been something good (something good for me, at least), but I couldn’t say all that and still feel like I was being mature or adult about our situation. "Tell Gill that I’m coming to his next practice."

Jackie’s expression fell from hopefulness to forced normality. "Ok."

Gill and I finally saw each other about a week later, when I showed up at a practice. I showed up between laps, when there was some sort of scolding going on. Upon spotting me, Coach stopped talking and dismissed the runners, some of which I noted were freshmen.

Gill just looked at me, unsure of what I wanted him to do, but Coach greeted me like only he could. BEARHUG (but a manly one). "What the fuck are you doing here, Daddy?" That’s how people who like you act when you have a kid before marriage/before high school is even over: like they don’t think it was the biggest mistake of your life.

"Came to see how things were running."

"Left the runt with the woman?"

"Yeah," I said, holding in my anger. I decide to let my point across nicely. "He’s a monster... a big ol’ boy. I think I’ve got a hockey player on my hands!" I would not say linebacker. Though Georgia’s not really a hockey state, I knew Coach would think my boy tough if I said it the way I had.

"Dean!" Gill jogged over to where Coach and I stood. "You’re my senior and my star runner. Why don’t you show Jones here the changes we’ve made to the real track?"

"Sir, yes, sir," Gill uttered casually, looking at me, for the first time since I had gotten there, as though I could see him looking. We began walking up the hill toward the parking lot and around the building to the real track. We didn’t know what to say to each other (we hadn’t spoken in quite a little while) quite yet, but Gill was the first to speak. "Damn; I ain’t even seen your kid yet."

"He’s great. He’s a good kid."

Gill’s not a girl, so he didn’t ask how old Jacoby was. He didn’t bother asking his name or sex, either. I suppose he’d heard, anyway. "Cool." He seemed to have a larger bone to pick. "Listen, Jackie’s been acting funny." We entered the gate to the big rubberized track and climbed the bleachers to sit and talk.

"Like how?" I asked this objectively, as though I hardly knew Jackie.

"Like, she’s been reading a lot more lately and taking a lot more pictures of, like, nature and stuff."

"Well, that makes sense to me; I mean, she is about to enter college as a journalism major."

"Jones, it’s you."

"What?!"

"Jones, all she talks about is you and how great you are and how much you’ve changed. What happened between you guys?"

"Nothing, Gill."

"Bullshit." Gill was angry. No wonder he had been acting so distant earlier. "Did you fuck my sister?"

"No! Hell, no!" I got loud and intense in my desperation. "I swear!" I said this as though I was insulted that he’d say such a thing. His face didn’t change. He didn’t believe me. "I kissed her twice. That’s it; I swear."

"Good." Gill was satisfied. Or was he? "Well, why aren’t you two, like, dating or something? She really can’t get you out of her system."

"I don’t know, Gill. It’s just not in the cards. If you haven’t noticed, we’re in two different places. She’s about to leave for Atlanta; I have a kid and a ‘baby mama’." I felt like I was talking to a child, as though I needed to dumb this conversation down a bit...

"But, you guys like each other, so what else matters?" ...a little kid who might just be right...

"But it’s not that simple." I needed to crush that little kid’s hopes and simple thinking...

"But why?" ...but the little kid wouldn’t give up,

so...

"You’re right."

I started school a few weeks ago, and I’ve seen Jacoby a lot less since. Jackie