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greendaygrl9

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<div style="border:1px #ccc solid; background-image:url('/images/ray.gif'); font-family:arial; width:200px; padding:5px;"><center><div style="font-size:20px;"><a href="/story/greendaygrl9/19227">Drowning in my own blood</a></div><table><tr><td width="50"><div style="color:#2CC362; font-size:15px; padding-top:4px; background-image:url('/images/profratebg.gif'); background-repeat:no-repeat; width:44px; height:26px; text-align:center; font-weight:bold; vertical-align:middle; padding-top:8px; padding-left:1px; " valign="top">4</div></td><td><div style="height:100px;width:100px; padding-top:9px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url(/images/storyCover.png);"><a href="/story/greendaygrl9/19227"><div style="margin-left:9px; __padding:0px; height:90px; width:70px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url('http://www.testriffic.com/storyfiles/19227.jpg');"></div></a></div></td></tr></table></center></div>

+ 6	no such thing as a fathers love
+ 7	Home Scream Home
+ 4	Drowning in my own blood
+ 4	Home Scream Home

Today is NOT  a good day for me. I woke up, took a deep breath and looked around me. Hopeless. Thats what i feel today. I'm not sure why. I had a great night. So why should i wake up this morning with the world breathing down my shoulder. I glance at my reflection and the voices seemed to resurface. I had pushed them away content to just be happy. But here they were. Replaying the same lines over and over. "No one loves you, No one cares. How could they? Look at you. Your disgusting. You'll never make anything out of yourself. Your a loser, you'll die a loser" I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. I scream at the mirror at the reflections, fist balled up. Tears falling from  my eyes. I stare at the angry girl laughing at me from the mirror. "DIE BITCH, SLUT, WHORE, How many more men must you go through before you realize that you are useless???? How many more must leave you before you finally give up?? Your pathetic!!!"Hahaha." Stop please just leave me alone." I scream inside my head. turning away from the mocking stare. "You can't run from me bitch. I am you. I am all of you. The only part of you that matters anyways." I stop myself as i realize that i am pounding on my head with my hands. Get out, Get out, Please just leave me be. "Ha, ha, ha, you thought you were rid of us. You thought that you had finally escaped.... Your worse than pathetic, I swear to god. How many times? Huh? How many times do i have to tell you that you can't escape. You can't run from yourself. We're here to stay. till the very day you die." My eyes raised suddendly. I got up from my crouching position on the bathroom floor. Walking to the sink. Searching through my drawer where i kept my stash.... There it was wrapped in a piece of linen. Just where i had left it. My razor. Thoughts flew through my head. It had worked before. When i had cut myself the voices had stopped. That had to be what it was. That was the way to solve it. But wait. They had come back.... and angrier than before. I can't live like this my whole life. It has to be over. It has to be.  My eyes snap to the mirror as i bring the razor blade to my wrist. "Ha, your too weak, you can't do it. Your not strong enough." Something in those words made me smile. As i brought the razor blad across my wrist. As hard and as fast as i could. I smiled as i saw the red blood splash against the porcelin sink. So pretty i thought. As i stood there watching my life drain from my open wound. I got you now Bitch. I smiled into the mirror. The voices already starting to fade. "Your pathetic, your worthless, you'll never end this." My head starts to feel woozy, my knees weak, so cold.  I fall to the floor. Lying on my side watching as the blood drips so quickly onto the tiled floor of the bathroom. I smile. Hmm. guess i'll die alone after all.  with my right index finger I touch it to the liquid spilling from me. So warm. My eyes seem to get heavy and i began to feel numb. so with what little strength i have left I write my last words in my own blood. In the morning when someone finds me. They'll see. Finally they will know the torment that i've been through. 6 words. written across a white cabinet door.  My arm so heavy now. I can barely move. Finding it hard to breathe......I write. As i have done my whole life. I write my angst, my sorrow, my broken hopes. All in 6 words. As i finish my arm seems to give away. My eyes so heavy fall shut from the lack of energy to keep them open. As i feel myself slipping away for the last time i chance one more look. Mustering all that i have left in me, I open my eyes to observe the scene. My final scene. My final curtain call.  A young girl, completely average, lying in a pool of her own blood. Her silk night gown soaked with the death of her dreams. A smile playing lighly on her lips. eyes staring blankly at the harshly written words on the cabinet door inches away from her face. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more". Fade to black. I let out a small giggle. This will be my greatest scene to date. And with that i feel the pull towards death that had once scared me so. Eyes closed. I take my last breath. And i'm gone.

****

Dana awakens violently, sitting straight up in bed. She has had dreams like this before. But never ending in death. Each time there was something to save her. A knight in armor. A ghost of her mother, her own conscience. Not this time. This time she had done it. She had ended it all. And that thought scared her more than anything else. She needed help. And she needed it quick. Turning on the lamp sitting beside her bed. She stands up and grabs the jeans she had worn the day before. Searching through the pockets she finds what she is looking for. "Oh thank god" she runs the card over and over in her head.  Jessica Andrews- (704) 707- 9989. Looking over at the alarm clock siting on her night stand. 3:36 flashes in red lights. "Damn it, too early" Knowing she won't be able to sleep again tonight she tosses on her jogging suit and heads for the phone.  After a few moments of hesitation she places it to her ear and begins to dial. *Ring.........Ring.........Ring.......... Hi you have reached the office of Jessica Andrews, Our office hours are Monday-Friday 7am-6 pm......We are so sorry to miss your call but if you will leave your name and number we will be in touch as soon as we get in. In case of an emergency please visit your local hospital. Have a wonderful day"....Beep.  "Hi  Jessica, this is Dana......we spoke earlier today and well.......i had another dream.......this time worse than the othes. Any ways if you could give me a call back at (704) 794-5131  that would be great. Thanks a lot. Bye" She hung up the phone. Finally, It was done. She had reached out. Her salvation was on it's way. "hahaha" Fuck not again...she cried out aloud. "hahaha" the voices tormenting her. She heads straight to the medicine cabinet and gasps. On the cabinet written in blood just like her dream........"I'm sorry I couldn't be more".....quickly glancing at her wrist.....nothing.  Not comprehending she looks back at the cabinet only to have a completely clean cabinet staring back her. She had imagined it. Scared of what would happen next she grabbed her pills off the counter and ran from the bathroom........from the mirror., where she knew the girl with the haunting eyes would be waiting for her. Opening the pill bottle quickly, the container falls from her shaking hand. FUCK she screams and she drops to the floor finding two and putiing them in her mouth. Satisfied.......she leans back against the bed.  still gripping the bottle as if it were her life line, the voices begin to fade. The laughter, The taunting, fading into oblivion. And so was she. She slipped into a dreamless sleep. Right there on the floor beside her bed clutching the pills in one and the phone in the other. She sleeps.

***To be continued***

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