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gotta be thin to be in

If I fell In Love with You [[2]]

Creative Created on 6-5-08 Views(227) Story Rating G

I ran up the steps to my house and sat down on the 3rd one, Mark ran up and sat beside me. panting.

I got up and layed down on the grass, Stripes layed beside me with out head by eachother but our feet facing opposite directions, get it? I looked up at the clouds and said, "Wow this is so beautiful." Then I heard his cellphone ring the song, "Sexy Back" for Chelsea, his girlfriend.

I rolled my eyes and shouted very loud,"OH I LOVE YOU CHELSEA !"

He laughed and answered it, I got up and walked inside, I turned around and said, "Well, later then." He nodded while still talking and walked off our lawn.

I went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, Magda, my older sister said, "OMG. You are SO in love with him!" I was SO sick of her saying that and replied harshly,

"Shut up we are just friends unlike you I don't sleep with EVERY guy that says "Hi" to me!" And I got up and got a glass of orange juice. I drank it quickly and sat down on the couch to watch TV.

On TV was MyBoys and I laughed because that one guy made a joke...ok I just laughed for no reason, to prove Magda wrong about ... what ?

I was thinking about that when I felt a thud as she tackled me on the couch from behind.

I laughed and she tickled my crazy ! I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe!

I yelped," stoppit, stoppit !" and laughed even harder. She was smiling and stopped, I said, "Sorry about what I said earlier."

She shrugged and said, "What can I do? It's not MY fault you're 17 and have ONYL had sex with ONE guy!" I shushed her because my mom and dad were in the other room.

She said louder, "SEX WITH ONE GUY ALREADY AT 17!" I grinned evilly and said even louder than her

"SEX WITH EIGHT GUYS AND ONLY 19!" She punched me in the stomach and I fell back, I hopped back up and sat by her then I said,

"No seriously, me and Stripes are ONLY friends, and that's it."

She sighed, "Whatever, the sexual tension between you is going to explode!"

"Why is it always sex with you kids ? When I was your age we only rode bikes to the ice cream place and didn't even talk to guys....-"
My Mom began as she walked into the room before I so RUDELY interuppted,

"WOW MOM! I didn't even know they HAD bikes and icecream down at the tarpit ! Did you go there with Fred,Barney and Velma?"

Magda laughed and said, "Oh your full of shit mom, that is REALLY why you had me when YOU were 19, right?"

Mom puffed out her lip and blew upward, "Ok you caught me, but I just don't want any teenage pregnancies in this house, and who did YOU little lady sleep with ?"  I got up and walked out.

"stripes" Magda said to my mom who gasped, "I didn't know you 2 were serious, or dating at all!"

I walked back in and said, "We aren't, never were. We just were both really drunk once, and, you know."

My mom frowned and said, "I don't want to hear about you getting drunk, ok? So don't do it anymore!"

I rolled my eyes, "Calm down Woman, " I put in, "It was a MISTAKE as in wont happen again. EVER."

I opened the front door and called out behind me, "Be back in a bit!" Then shut it and walked out.

Comments

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On June 6th 2008 JakeBozz Said :
JakeBozz The fact is: People need to criticize themselves and always, always, always wonder if they could be better than they are. Even Stephen King was a shitty writer, but he took ANY help he could get, and sincerely pondered his own talent before figuring out what worked, and building himself. Doesn't matter who it is. If we can't trust our judgments and leave ourselves biased against our own work (which is difficult, believe me), then how could we learn from the views of other people when they don't like something we wrote? Aye. I love Tupac.
On June 6th 2008 JakeBozz Said :
JakeBozz "Hahahha, and what makes your concern and stories so interesting and personal?" *"Meant to say "And what makes your concern, stories, and opinion worth caring about? BE someone important."*
On June 6th 2008 JakeBozz Said :
JakeBozz "WELL THAT FACT IS I DONT CARE FOR JAKE'S CRITISIM" Hahahha, and what makes your concern and stories so interesting and personal? I'm asking this honestly, what makes your views and creativity SO worthy it DESERVES praise? I may've been rude, and I apologize for it. I was in a litle foul mood when I wrote what I did, but the facts still remain true. I want you to do something, when you're finished with this series, I want you to print it out and hand it to your friends, family members, even strangers - and ask them what they think. If you have a newspaper Co. in your town, hand this series to them and see what they say. You can either write, write, write, and learn nothing; or you can critisize yourself, realize you're NEVER a good writer as you think you are (neither am I), and we ALL have something to learn and better ourselves.
On June 6th 2008 stitchchick92 Said :
stitchchick92 Don't take his advice and critisism, but you will be pretty disappointed when you get those rejection letters telling you the exact same thing Jake is.
On June 5th 2008 Thunder2008 Said :
Thunder2008 kmp plz
On June 5th 2008 geli01 Said :
geli01 WELL THAT FACT IS I DONT CARE FOR JAKE'S CRITISM AND EVEN IF I DID THAT GIVES HIM NO EXCUSE TO BE ROOD AND ACT ALL "HIGH AND MIGHTY" screw you jake.
On June 5th 2008 justthegirlxox Said :
justthegirlxox it's not really bad. but it's not good either. I pretty much agree with JakeBozz. he isn't really bitching, he's trying to tell you what your story could do better with. constructive criticism is what critics do. so kikidoodle6, it's not bitching. get over it.
On June 5th 2008 kikidoodle6 Said :
kikidoodle6 hey everyone starts somewhere right...well this start of this stpry is good so kmp....and ignore those bitchy critics *coughs-JakeBozz -coughs*......sorry allergies.
On June 5th 2008 stitchchick92 Said :
stitchchick92 Also I wouldn't base how good it is on how many people on this website like it. I would actually do the opposite. Writing stuff because you know the teenagers on this website will like it is selling out.
On June 5th 2008 laylacanadian Said :
laylacanadian That's true Jake, not all stories are great. I guess it depends on opinion. In fact, I wouldn't call any story on Testriffic "great". If you think about it, all our stories are is beginners crap. Not calling the stories crap, but you catch my drift.
On June 5th 2008 laylacanadian Said :
laylacanadian Kmp, it's interesting!
On June 5th 2008 stitchchick92 Said :
stitchchick92 I agree with....Numbz. He is telling the truth and giving you constructive criticism, no reason to get all defensive. I would start getting mad at the people that don't tell you how to improve at all and don't even tell you what they like about the story.
On June 5th 2008 geli01 Said :
geli01 wow i think you forgot that i said to STOP commenting my stories, I don't know what you're thinking, but I didn't ask for your opinion and don't care for it. I have a good story idea and plenty of people like it. I don't think that anyone wants to read your spazzy philosophical crap that expresses your "feelings" you think that throwing a few emotion-filled words together is BEAUTIFUL. I don't think you know what you are talking about JakeBozz. And if I'm not mistaken, my story got a pretty good vote. So sorry jake, majority rules in America.
On June 5th 2008 JakeBozz Said :
JakeBozz "at least it's realistic unlike you vampire and skanky ass crap" AHahhaha. Vampire and skanky-ass crap, hm? Interesting how you have no idea what I write about yet proceed to play the "victim".



"JakeBozz quit being a dick its a great story." Not in my opinion. Quit being a suck-up. Not every single story on Testriffic is 'great' and not every poem on Testriffic is 'good' - yet somehow it seems to be everyone thinks so! Not everything you write is going to be as great as it should be, and the amount of fans that DOES think it's good probably won't share with you why they think it's good; and why would anyone want a fan that likes their artwork without helping them improve so they could make their art better. My honest opinion is nothing compared to what editors and real critics will say. Unless you'd prefer I lie to you? :)
On June 5th 2008 analyssarenae Said :
analyssarenae kmpp
On June 5th 2008 luvr81 Said :
luvr81 KMP PLEASE! this story ROCKS MY SOCKS! lol
On June 5th 2008 geli01 Said :
geli01 [[srry about that, i was really talking to jake just then]]
On June 5th 2008 geli01 Said :
geli01 at least it's realistic unlike you vampire and skanky ass crap ! and dont worry, its not gonna be a sex story
On June 5th 2008 lonely244444 Said :
lonely244444 KMP please!
On June 5th 2008 Atlangel5 Said :
Atlangel5 I think its fab-u-lous!!!!! JakeBozz quit being a dick its a great story. So plz KMP!!!! : )
On June 5th 2008 ChristieSaya Said :
ChristieSaya I'm addicted to this story! KMP! But actually I don't want it to be sex story.. KMP anyway!
On June 5th 2008 JakeBozz Said :
JakeBozz It's boring.
On June 5th 2008 JakeBozz Said :
JakeBozz "I ran up the steps to my house and sat down on the 3rd one, Mark ran up and sat beside me. panting. I got up and layed down on the grass, Stripes layed beside me with out head by eachother but our feet facing opposite directions, get it?" *Snores* Horrible, lifeless, "got it"? You're telling a story, a fictional/nonfictional story that doesn't make me want to read or care about what happens to the person telling the story. "I looked up at the clouds and said, "Wow this is so beautiful."" What's so beautiful about the sky? It could be a peace of crap for all I care and it'd still be boring. DETAILS, man! Work on details and specifics. What type of day was it? Why did Chelsea have that song on her ipod? How did the characters "say" what they 'said'? "I laughed and she tickled my crazy ! I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe!" Oh my god. Please, please, please, get into the mind of these characters, describe the scenario, what's exactly happening? DETAILS, SHOW us what's happening, don't tell us "I rolled my eyes because she didn't understand."
On June 5th 2008 musiclover2050 Said :
musiclover2050 kmpp