Baby...?

On this day i have finally come to understand.  The pain.  The need.  So many times i hear the pain of rejection, of lost and faded love.  so many times i have made light of this, not knowing or caring about the sinking poisenous emotion that has taken so many.  My firends, please forgive me.  I would give so much to take back those moments and give what colsolation i could.  Forgive me...

I  didnt expect it.  how could I?  I was so happy.  But the way that it happened.  The look he gave me.  He kissed me so tenderly, so soft.  I thought he had a gift.  Was expecting those words to be a surprise when he looked in my eyes so deeply.  Those words....  seven little words.  "I dont think this is working out....." 

He was still holding me.  still looking so deeply into me.  At first i didnt understand, i smiled.  I was even about to ask him what he meant.  Then his finger tips sunk into my arms, just enough to hurt.  So slowly it dawned on me.  Somehow i just couldnt believe it.  Couldnt register these fateful words.  "wha....   what do you mean?". 

But he wouldnt answer.  His finger tips sliped from my arms and he turned around.  "Baby?".  "what do you mean?" It came out in a rush of tears and disbelief.  "Baby please...".  He didnt answer.  Slowly he began to leave the room.  What could i have done?  Finally I ran after him.  When i almost reached him, i twisted my ankle and the heel of my shoe snapped.  I hit the floor whith a cry of pain and when i tried to rise from the floor, i saw him looking at me.  

It seemed he would help me, put his arms around me and carry me back to the room.  I felt it. saw it in his eyes.  Why wasnt he helping me?  for an instant, he moved in my direction, then his eyes turned cold and dead.  He turned around and continued walking.  I couldnt move, paralysed by his eyes and the way he looked at me.

I heard the door open, then slam as he left.  I was alone and he had left me.  The tears began anew and i curled up on the floor where i lay. When the morning came, i was cold and lonely.  I needed him.  Needed him like i needed him every morning.   His kiss, the way he looked lovingly into my eyes.  

This man had saved me.  Found me at my lowest, with the blade in my hand and the blood congealing in my clothes.  The picture of that lying bastard ripped to shreds infront of me.  This man had given me life.  And i never thought i had taken it for granted.  how could i?   

This picture.  God i love him so much.  Why....?  When i needed him so much.  Why?  This picture i look at so often now.  I begin to tare this poisen memory.  Into the many pieces of my broken heart.