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   "He raped me!" I cried to the councelor, "I was too young to defend myself and I thought he would protect me from evil, not contribute to it!"
   "What happened when he did it, can you tell me honey?" the councelor calmly asked me the question that I had been dreading ever since I had entered her office, "Come on, you're safe now, there's nothing to fear now."
   "Yes there is!" I exploded out of my chair, "Don't you see, he's there in my dreams, he's there lurking in the shadows, the memory of it is with me day and night, I am never safe as long as it remains in me, as long as he remains with me!!"
   "Mellie, it's all right to feel afraid, but you can't let the fear choke you up, you have to beat it, and go on with your life!  Now, come on and sit down and tell me what happened, if you do this may lock him up for the rest of his days so that you will know that he is never going to be free to roam about again."
   I slowly sat back down, wishing that this could just be over, and that I could just run out of the room.  I was deathly afraid that he was going to come after me again, and the only way to insure that he was for sure going to be locked up was my testimony, so I took a deep breath and began, "I was six, and I had just had one of my usual nightmares...."

   "Daddy!!" I sobbed out into the darkness of my bedroom, "It's gonna get me daddy, help!"
    The darkness was smothering me, causing me to hyperventilate, and I was so scared, the monsters were coming!  Suddenly, my little body relaxed as I felt daddy's arms come around me, and heard him whisper, "It's okay Mellie, daddy's here for you, nobody's going to hurt my little girl."
   I sighed and clung to him as tight as I could.  Daddy was here, I was for sure going to be okay.  "Stay with me daddy, make all the monsters go away."
   "Oh, don't worry Mellie, they'll go away, daddy'll protect you," He said and gently pushed me down into my bed.  It was still pitch black in my room, but I didn't mind 'cause daddy could protect me.  As I reached to pull the covers up around me, daddy stopped me by gently but forcefully back down. He leaned his face down close to mine so that his lips were just a breath away from mine and said, "Oh yeah, daddy will make you and I ok... Mellie."
   He then proceeded to slide his hand up my thigh under my night gown.
  "Daddy!" I cried out alarmed, but my mouth was smothered by his other hand.  I struggled against his arms with my little hands, but daddy was too strong.
   "It's okay Mellie, daddy's here," he began panting as his hand rubbed my private place and I felt his finger intrude, "Oh... god... Mellie," he said as he took off his boxers that he wore at night.
   I tried to kick out at him, but he pinned his body down by mine, and on my body's own accord, it started to heat.  Immobolized, I just layed there staring up at him with my bright blue eyes.
   "Oh jeez... Mellie... feel me..... touch me..." he panted again, and took his hand out from under my nightgown and grabbed my hand, and rubbed me against his thick rod. "That's it girl.... take care of daddy like he does... of you."
   Tears rolled down my face, and I stared up at daddy not comprehending, my mind was shutting down.  Daddy started rocking back and forth above me, and I felt incredible spear of pain in my private place.  My body began to betray me as I started my own rocking as daddy was doing.
   Daddy's face was completely covered in sweat and was red as if he had been running.  I looked away from it, and just stared at the wall, waiting for this to be over...

   "... and when it was over, he simply got up and walked away," I sobbed into my hands as I finished telling the councelor what had happened that horrid night.
   "Aw, Mellie it's okay, now it's over," the councelor said and came over to put her arms around me.
   "Don't touch me!!!!" I screamed at her, and turned and ran out of the room, without looking back.

   That was probably one of the worst days of my life.  I had to relive the encounter with my father moment by moment.  I hated the councelor more then my father that day, because she was the one who had made me go over all of it again.  I know now that it was her job and that she had really cared about me, because if I had looked back that day, I would've seen her crying as if she could take some of my pain away.
       -Mellie 13yrs.



*more to come*