The Unspoken Truth About Love

Everyone tells you that love is blind. What those people don't  say is more important though. You see, I'm a bisexual, and I'm in love with a girl named Kala Elizabeth Baldwin. She hates her middle name but I find it cute. Then there is my best friend Nick. He's her age, which is a year older than me, and he's a pretty good friend. I tell him everything. I suppose thats how everything began. Kala and I were really good friends for a long time on this game called runescape. You may think its stupid dating someone you've never met, but she was there for me when I felt no one else was. I've known her for about 2 years now. I think she's completely amazing even though she lists her faults often. Each time she lists them I contradict them all and in the end I always end up saying, "I don't love you despite your faults, I love you because of your faults." I don't think she really believes me, even though its true.

Well, I finally gave her my number one day, because she was getting ready to leave and I couldn't bear not talking to her for a whole month, so I gave it to her. She called me and we couldn't really talk because me and my friend were cleaning my room and she was getting onto me. So I told her to call me the next day, and she did. We talked for a while, nothing heavy just so I didn't make her tense or anything. Thats how things were for a long time. Then about 2 months and 26 days ago I asked her out. She said yes, and I was thrilled. I was so head-over-heels in love with her, and I still am. Things were great for a while, even though we fought daily. See, she smoked and I hated it, she cut sometimes and I hated that with a passion, and she wouldn't eat which made me furious. So finally, I started blackmailing her to make her eat and stop cutting herself. She always told me everything, and I knew she wouldn't stop just because of that. I told her for every cut she made (and if she didn't tell me I found out from Nick) I would make 3 of my own. So she stopped for a while. When she wouldn't eat I said for every meal she skipped I wouldn't eat either. She started eating some of her food to, not all, but some and at least it was progress.

So things were great for a while. Then one day I got this feeling. I felt like I should stay off the computer for a while because something bad might happen. I ignored it, like I usually do. A few days later she's on runescape and I hang out with her. Then we start talking, and she says something that makes my world roll like a rollercoaster. She says she still wants to date me but she also wants to be able to date other people. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she just didn't like long distance relationships, so I asked her why that was. She said, "Your not there to make me happy when I'm sad, to give me a hug when I need it, or to do anything that I need." My heart sunk and I said, "Ok...so we're going to date, but be able to date other people?" She gave the affirmitive. Then she started talking about all these people that liked her and she liked back. They were all (legally) too old for her. So I made a snap decision and said, "If your going to date anyone, date Nick." I didn't really think she would do it...so she said, "You'd be ok with that?" I said yes, even though I knew I wouldn't be. I got off runescape and went for a walk. I cried for a while because I knew she had asked him. Then I got back on. We talked and I know I sounded bitter and I was being mean, but it hurt so bad I couldn't help it. I asked her if I could call her, and she said yes.

I'd decided to break up with her, even though doing so would break my heart. So we talked I broke up with her and I was crying my eyes out the whole time I did it. I was apologizing for not being strong enough to handle a relationship like that, but she was trying to keep it light and said, "You worry too much, I'll be fine." We talked a little more despite the fact I was breaking inside and then got off. We still said "I love you" to each other, and I know I meant it, even if she didn't.

Nobody ever tells you how insecure you will be about a relationship at times. Nobody ever tells you how jealous you'll get when you hear about people they've dated in the past that hurt them and made them jaded. Nobody ever says any of these things, they merely tell you love will work itself out. They never tell you about the times when there aren't happy endings do they? Love isn't perfect, it can't always last through everything. I love Kala with all my heart and I'd die for her and not regret it. I wish she felt the same way.

Love is not the fairytale everyone wants it to be. Its not always rainbow and sunshines. You have to take the good with the bad, love what you've got, and remember what you've had. Never regret something that once made you smile. I don't regret Kala, meeting her, dating her, or anything about her. I love her with all my heart. I'd never regret that I chose her. I won't regret that she didn't choose me, but chose Nick instead. I'll put on a smile, and let her know I love her and I'm here for her. What else can I do?