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firerocket67

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On the way to the hospital I nearly fall asleep, but the medic in the back with my step brother and me makes me stay awake. My neck starts hurting so they pull over and put a brace on my neck. When we get to teh hospital, I get wheeled in, and Daniel walks in along side me. The nurses keep making me hug myself so they can move me onto other stratchers and stuff which gets pretty boring. Then the nurse takes me and gives me ex rays and then I get to go back and see Daniel and stay in the room. I have to pee like crazy, but i'm not allowed up, so I can either pee in a pan, or I can wait. I'm horrified at the thought of peeing in a pan, so I decide to wait. 4 hours later I'm talking to my Pastor and his wife. I tell them whats going on and stuff, because I trust them completly. After that my Dad calls and I talk to him, then I get to talk to Mom. At this point in time I'm asking for Mom and Steph's cellphone so I can get some numbers and let everyone know what happened. A Priest guy comes in and talks to me, and we pray for Nicky and Stephanie. Mom told me on the phone that they were both ok. I believed her. Its about 7pm now, I've been at that hospital for 6 hours, and I'm getting mad cuz I seriously have to pee. Finally the nurse that gave me the scans comes and takes my brace off and points me to the bathroom. When I'm in the bathroom I think I hear Stephanie say "its not your fault." I'm confused, and I think she's outside, so I hurry up and wash my hands and stuff hoping to se eher outside waiting for us. She's not there. I go back to teh room and we eat a little bit of our dinner that the nurse brought us. Mom walks in with tears streaming down her face. She tells us we need to go have a seat on the couch in the room. She tells us Nicky and Stephanie dind't make it. Daniel bursts into tears and says Nicky's name over and over. I just stare straight ahead at teh wall and the memories, the visions, of everything that happened flood me. I cry silently as Daniel sobs. We walk out of the hospital. Nana and Bill come get us about half an hour, or an hour later. We stay at a hotel. Mom gets taken back to the hospital because her back and everything is hurting. I fell asleep and dreamed of the wreck. I woke up sweating with tears streaming down my face. I look around and Nana is looking at me. She comes over and gives me a hug, and I just cling to her. My Uncle arrives that night, and so I see him. We take a walk and I talk to him. Tell him everything I had done and seen and felt. We sit outside a long time just looking up into the stars. Finally we go back in and I fall asleep again. I don't dream of anything. Its just a blank sleep. We have to pass by the place where the wreck happened the next day on the way down to Nana's house. We stay there that night, and then the next day we get on a plane and fly home.

The day before the wreck my grandfather shot himself in the heart. Dad told me. I went to his viewing on Sunday. The next day is Stephanie's viewing. Bill and Susie, Steph's parents, introduce me to everyone as "the girl who held our baby when we couldn't". At one point in time I'd had enough, and I walked out of the room. There stood my 1st boyfriend, and ex boyfriend, Sean. He gives me a hug and we tlka a while. Then we end up walking outside and chill out because I'm on the verge of tears. The next day is Stephanie's funeral. The day we get to see Nciky for the 1st time since the wreck. Stephanie's viewing goes by, and I read the poem I wrote "Stephanie Atkins, Nicholas Kindred" out loud to everyone, and many people ask me for a copy of it. I made some, but not a lot. We didn't go to see Stephanie get buried. We seen Nicky instead. Only my Mom, step-dad and myself seen him. He had to wear a hat, and his face was stitched up from his ear down to his chin. The seatbelt had split his face open. The next day was Nicky's viewing. A lot of poeple came, and I had to play hostess because Mom stayed outside and talked and smoked. It hurt every time someone asked why he was wearing a hat, and I was unable to answer them because it hurt too bad.

The next day was Nicky's funeral. We were going to have him cremated, so I stayed by Nicky's casket most of the time. I read the poem I read at Stephanie's funeral again, and once again, had requests for copies. I agreed. My pastor and his wife had come up from a trip to attend the funeral. I was able to talk to them for a while, but then they had to leave before Nicky was taken off to be insinerated. I hadn't cried at any of the viewings or funerals I'd been to that week. At seeing my brothers cold dead body leaving in that black car to be burned I finally broke down and cried. I had been being so strong for everyone else, I had no one to be strong for me. Everyone was instantly around me when they seen I was crying because I had been the one keeping them together. We all cried as a group, with me in the center. I always hated being the center of attention, but for once, I was glad I had people around me supporting me.