Be My Baby part 16

"You really should go."my mother says as she pats my leg.

Three days ago I went into a catatonic state. I couldn't help it. The last thing I fully comprehended was my father carrying me inside to my room and then everything just stopped. I hardly slept and my mother had to force feed me which sucked because my mouth was so dry. I knew I wasn't the closest to Stacy but I couldn't help but feel this way. I was in shock.

"Serena needs you."my mother says as she starts dressing me.

Everyone needed me. That's what got me into this whole mess in the first place mom!

Though she was right, she had a hard time getting me to go to the funeral. Somehow my legs began working and now I was sitting inside a big church, staring at the pearly white casket before me. I didn't even know where everyone was but they had to be close because we were in the second row. And I knew the first couple of rows were for friends and family. 

Even as I stare up at the preacher who is saying something that may be specifically for me, I cannot hear. It's all just a mashup of words running around in my head. And when a few people go up to say a few things about Stacy, I remain in my seat. I'm somewhat glad that my mother doesn't force me up there like she forced me to eat and forced me to come here.

I refuse to be up front when they lower the casket. My mother,father, and my little sister are all comforting Serena along with many others while I stay perched behind a tree about twenty feet away. And though I feel bad, I know I'll feel even worse if I watch as she is lowered into the ground. The mere thought of it makes my stomach turn even more than it already has.

It wasn't until I felt hands on my shoulders that I came to. I looked up to find Shane, Chris, Dylan, and Rachel staring down at me, all with moist, puffy red eyes. I must look like hell. And even though I haven't cried the whole time, I know I would if I could. As I mouth to them words I'm not sure they can understand, they help me to my feet and walk me to my parents car.

"Johnna, please talk to me."Chris says sadly as he buckles me in. Shane, Dylan, and Rachel all decide to take a walk and leave us alone.

My parents and sister have yet to get to the car as I watch them still crowded around Serena. 

"Please?"he begs through tears."I've already lost one of my girls, I don't need to lose the other."

Again, I mouth something even I don't even know and he hugs me tightly. 

"I want to stay."I hear myself whisper.

"What did you say?"he pulls back and wipes his eyes."Johnna, what did you say?"

"I said I want to stay."my voice is so hoarse that I can hardly recognize myself."When everyone leaves, I want to stay."

"Stay right here and I'll be right back, okay?"his eyes are eager. 

I nod and watch as he runs back toward where Stacy has been buried. I don't know what he says but all of them turn to look at me through the tented windows that I am behind. I see them nod and understand. So when Chris comes back, I feel a bit better that he talked to them.

"My mom's going to let me borrow her car. She said we can stay here as long as we want."he assures me."Until everyone leaves, do you want to take a walk?"

"I guess so."I can finally feel the pain that starts seeping in. It's like it spreads all throught my body faster than a shooting bullet.

"Woah."Chris says as he catches me."Maybe you walking isn't a good idea. How about a piggyback ride? Like old times?"

When he says that, I truly want to smile because I haven't had a piggyback ride from him in so long. At least, from what I can remember. So I simply nod and awkwardly position myself on his back as he carries me through the cemetary.

And when he carries me throughout the cemetary he doesn't say anything. And because he doesn't, I feel like a child again. Not having to talk about anything serious at all, just simply getting a piggyback ride from my best friend was something I think I needed then and there.

"So I know she doesn't talk a lot in this chap, which is exactly how it's supposed to be. In retrospect, I wrote this just like how it was at my friend Chris's funeral. I started writing this after he died to make me feel better, in which it has a lot. Thoughts?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo