To The Brink of Death And Back

My Heart Aches. But the rest of my body is numb. I am tired of this ongoing pain. It was so easy. No one was around to stop me. First my mind begins to shut down. I have no control of what I do or say. That is probably how they first found out. That is probably how I ended up next to the toilet. I can hear conversation in the background. It is my sister on the phone with the hospital. She is giving them directions to our house, and they are giving her directions about me. "Keep her awake, she must not fall asleep or she will die." These are the words they told her. She kept at me, telling me not to go to sleep. I had no feeling in my hands and legs. My head felt like it was getting heavier. I laid my head on the toilet seat not caring where I was. I was so close to death, I could feel it. I longed for it, I wanted all my heartache and pain to go away. I closed my eyes, there was no reason to live. None at all. I felt my muscles relax, and there it was, that long awaited relaxation. I had no cares. I felt that since no one loved me than why should I love them. There was a nagging hand shaking me. I slowly opened my eyes to see those crying baby blue  eyes. I was wrong, there was a reason to live, and she was staring right at me. I had to stay alive for her, my little sister. If I died who would take care of her. I knew her better than anyone else. I knew what to say to make her smile and I knew all the right things to say to piss her off. If I died who would she talk to in the middle of the night about all her problems and worries. I had to stay alive for her. I tried to sit up and tell her that I am fine and she had nothing to worry about, but I couldn't move and the only thing that came out of my mouth was a pathetic grunt. There suddenly was a paramedic by my side asking me questions. I worked slowly to answer so that they could understand me. They asked me if I could walk, I said no. I felt reality hit me, I had stayed awake long enough for my mind to start working again. I had to move, I had to do something or else she wouldn't have a protector, a friend, and a loving sister to take care of her. I was in the ambulance, an IV in my arm. The paramedic was shooting a chemical in to take the numbness out and to make me more aware. I could feel the chemical searing through my veins. I was aware alright, aware of all three times he got me with it. I was being put in a wheelchair and pushed into the hospital. They made me drink three and a half glasses of liquid charcoal. I was still kind of numb but it was ok. I was place in the care of Canyon View Hopsital where I stayed for three days without a word to anyone. I spoke little and ate less. I was scared not for myself but for the blonde, blue eyed, baby sister. What was she doing? Is she ok? When will I get to see her again? Questions running through my head. All I thought about was her. I loved her, I cared for her, I stayed alive for her.