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donkaii

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i ran to my house, trying to forget the latest of her attacks. i sat chewing my bottom lip like it was the juiciest chewing gum ever, my fist rammed into my eye sockets to push bak the tears that were threatening to spill over my cheeks like a water fall, because the 1st rule in my house is no tears because my house is a happy house, where there  are no beatings, no verbal abuse, no embarassing punishments and best of all, no mothers...

breathe in for 3...1, 2, 3 and out ...1, 2, 3....

in 1 ,2 ,3.... and out... 1, 2, 3 ...

pulling myself together i sat up in the corner of my room, the only room in my house, and thought about the events of today, because one thing that i learnt throughout the years is that ignoring it or trying to forget it only makes it worse, because it does come back and haunt you in your nightmares, and its even worse because it bolts down your eyelids and refuses to allow you to wake until it says its over which is more terrifying then the actual experience, because the experience usually ends when a bully gets tired or when the spectators get bored of seeing continuos beatings or when my mother gets bord of tormenting me and goes to smoke a joint or go to the club or go out to get some booze but in your dreams it keeps on going. when she comes home she doesnt crashh on the carpet with a bottle of vodka beside her head, the spectators dnt get bored and are on coke and want excitiment so join in themselves and the bullies are fully trained boxers or WWE wrestlers who are mre then willing to practice their skills on you.

....

thats the one thing i think im more scared of then my mother.... my imagination...

she done this to me, shes made my imagination a hindrence instead of the help in couldve been, im nw the brown deformed object, hanging with dear life,onto the vine in a pack on fresh juicey grass green grapes, im the piece of mould gripping onto the corner of a slice of soft white bread, im the stobburn pice of drt that refuse to be removed from your new bath but most of all im the leper of the school, bullied by everyone... including my own mother, who just so happens to be my english teacher..