Email:
Password:

Created By

Rate this Story

+12

Embed


My Stories
+ 8
My 17th birthday (part 7)
+ 13
In a life of love and pain [part 14] Last partt!!!! So read itt!!!!!
+ 11
ima miss u Kayla!!!
+ 11
My 17th birthday (part 6)
+ 7
In a life of love and pain [part 13]
+ 7
In a life of love and pain [part 12]
+ 13
My 17th birthday (part 5)
+ 12
My 17th birthday (part 4)
+ 8
My 17th birthday (part 3)
+ 6
My 17th birthday (part 2)
+ 6
In a life of love and pain [part 11]
+ 12
My 17th birthday (part 1)
+ 10
"told u something was gonna hapen!!!" (re-due)
+ 8
In a life of love and pain [part 10]
+ 7
"i told you something was gonna happen!"
+ 11
In a life of love and pain [part 9]
+ 8
3 Friends, 3 Relationships 3
+ 6
In a life of love and pain [part 8]
+ 10
3 Friends, 3 Relationships 2
+ 9
3 Friends, 3 Relationaships

My 17th birthday (part 1)

Fiction Created on 8-20-07 Views(208) Story Rating G

“Hey Ciara. Who are you on the phone with?” I asked as I walked in my living room. “Talking to Shad. He said that he’s sorry for not calling back last night.” Ciara said repeating what Shad had told her. Ciara and I knew each other since 4th grade. Now we’re in 10th. We’re both 5’4, She’s light skinned and I’m brown skinned. As for Shad, he’s 19. I know it sounds bad, but me and him met over the internet. But I love him. He’s 5’6 a little dark skinned and has long pretty hair. How do I know? He sends me pictures of him everyday on my cell phone. He lives in Florida, while I live in North Carolina. And no we have not seen each other in person. “Tell him he needs to be.” I said laughing putting on my air force ones. “ He said wha- okay why don’t I just give you the phone and let you talk to him because I am not going to keep doing the He said, She said thing. Here.” She said handing me her chocolate cell phone.

“Hello?” I said making sure he could hear me. “Hey baby. What did you mean when you said I needed to be?” Shad said re-asking the question. “ See I would tell you, but there are some people around me that are just plain nosy.” “Oh I see what your saying.” He said. “Look baby, I have to go. Me and Ciara is going to meet up with my cousin. I’ll call you later, or you call me later.. Hopefully.” “I’ll call you. Bye.” He said then hung up. “Come on CC” I said calling Ciara’s nickname. We went outside and it was really hot out there. It felt like a desert. We walked up the street to my granddad’s house where we saw my cousin Jessica sitting on the porch. She’s 5’3,my complexion, and she has glasses. She’s also 18 years old.

“Hey CC. Hey Lala.” Jessica said while she was on the phone. She stayed on though so me and CC went in to say hey to my granddad. As we walked in the door, there was a really bad smell. As if we was in an old basement with the smell of moth balls sitting around everywhere. Ciara sat down on the sofa holding her nose. I walked into the kitchen looking for my granddaddy. He wasn’t in there. So I walked to his room and he had old looking boxes that was filled with clothes. OLD clothes! “hey granddaddy.. so, what are you doing?” I said not breathing at all. “Oh hey there. I’m just trying to find something.” He said blowing out a lot of breath. “Okay.. Well I’ll be in the backyard if you need me.” I said walking away. Soon as I did that, I ran to the living room where CC was and told her to come with me to the backyard. When we walked outside, the patio was bare. There was nothing on it or anything. So me and Ciara just sat down on the steps. “ Sooo.. Lala.. What do you want for your birthday?” Ciara said with a really huge smile on her face. I had no idea what she was up too, but I’m about to find out. “Uhhh.. I don’t know. Why?” “Oh nothing, just asking my bestest friend what she wanted for her big 1.7. Birthday! “Aight Ms. Obvious. What you got planned?” If she wasn’t gonna tell me? I was just gonna have to find out myself. “ It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you!” 5 minutes after she said that, my cell phone rung. It was Jessica. “ Why are you calling me and your like 15 ft. away from me?!” I asked when I answer the phone. “You know I’m lazy. Come to the front porch. I need you right quick.” She said with a high pitched voice. “Damn. Okay. Hold on.” Then I hung up. And told CC to come with me to the front. And we went. As we walked out the front door I seen the next door neighbor. Cameron. I always did have a crush on him. I guess he was visiting. Because he haven’t been here for the last 3 months. “ Hey Lala.. May I say that your looking real fine today.” He said all smart and polite like. .. .. .. ..

Comments

Please Login to post comments
On August 20th 2007 LokiSeto Said :
LokiSeto It;s not bad... But you're missing one crucial thing. Details. I mean yeah sure you got the basics. What the people look like and what they are doing. But by writing a story you want to submerge your readers into this world. The best way to do that is to incorporate all five senses. Taste, touch, hearing, smell and finally sight. I mean what does "outside" look like? The house she jsut entered? Was "Granddaddy" holidng up any sort of clothing or something while looking thorugh the boxes? Don't forget that your people also have facial expressions, so give your characters some.