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Eluding Danger (Prologue)
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(First of all, I would like to say that I am very mature for my age. Secondly, if you have any advice for my writing, PLEASE TELL ME!!! I truely want to be an author one day...)
My Name is Elizabeth Baker. I am 14, 5'4, and I'm very slim. I have long black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a drop-dead amazing smile.....This is what caused all of my troubles...
It was around 1:30 and I was sitting on my couch watching a Lifetime movie. My alchoholic father staggered through the door and joined me. I soon began to feel a sensation in my stomach that felt like I was being watched. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see my dad staring at me in a way that I had seen so many times before that I wasn't surprised to see it. I immediately knew what was coming next.
"Daddy, no, please!"
"Ellie, you should know that as your father, I can do whatever I want to do with you, so shut your mouth and stop complaining you whore!" he cried.
"But da-" I managed to scream, but was I stopped when his hand covered my mouth. He picked me up and threw me to the floor with such force that I couldn't breathe after I hit. I lied on the ground gasping for breath for a few seconds, but he pinned me to the ground and threatened to kill me if I screamed while he had his way with me. After nearly 30 minutes, he finally decided that he had had enough. He lumbered into his room and left me lying on the floor, crying.
I knew that if I wanted to live, I would have to escape, but I'd tried it before. Let's just say that the police brought me home, and when the interviewed my father he had found an inner intelligence and lied like a dog. The police somehow believed him, and I was beaten so horribly that I could hardly move.
I then thought to myself, the past doesn't matter, but if you want to even have a future then you have to get out of here! Following my own advice, I packed up my most prized possessions, a few boxes of cereal, and about $40 into a small duffle bag. I crept to my window and slowly lifted it. The window made a loud squeaking noise, so I waited for my dad to come for nearly five minutes before I decided that he hadn't heard me and carefully crept outside.
I walked along the sidewalk of 40th street, thinking to myself that I was on my way to a better life. Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks. I felt someone's warm breath on the back of my neck. Terrified, I spun around to see an unknown man. He had on all black clothing and his face was undistinguishable in the poor lighting. The mysterious man reached down to grab me, and before I even had time to think I felt myself being pulled into the dark woods to my left...
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I must say though that it spoiled the whole mood of the story at the very begining when you mentioned "My Name is Elizabeth Baker. I am 14, 5'4, and I'm very slim. I have long black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a drop-dead amazing smile.....This is what caused all of my troubles..."
You can't just blabe it out at the begining. You have to slowly mention it into the story. It will sound some what better. I like your style in writting and I would love to read more.