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Eluding Danger (Chapter 13)
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Eluding Danger (Chapter 12)
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Eluding Danger (Chapter 11)
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Eluding Danger (Chapter 10)
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Eluding Danger (Chapter 9)
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Eluding Danger (Chapter 8)
+ 5
Eluding Danger (chapter 7)
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Eluding Danger (chapter 6)
+ 8
Eluding Danger (chapter 5)
+ 7
Eluding Danger (Chapter 4)
+ 11
Eluding Danger (Chapter 3)
+ 10
Eluding Danger (Chapter 2)
+ 11
Eluding Danger (Chapter 1)
+ 14
Eluding Danger (Prologue)

Eluding Danger (Prologue)

Drama Created on 2-10-08 Views(151) Story Rating G

(First of all, I would like to say that I am very mature for my age. Secondly, if you have any advice for my writing, PLEASE TELL ME!!! I truely want to be an author one day...)

 

My Name is Elizabeth Baker. I am 14, 5'4, and I'm very slim. I have long black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a drop-dead amazing smile.....This is what caused all of my troubles...

 

It was around 1:30 and I was sitting on my couch watching a Lifetime movie. My alchoholic father staggered through the door and joined me. I soon began to feel a sensation in my stomach that felt like I was being watched. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see my dad staring at me in a way that I had seen so many times before that I wasn't surprised to see it. I immediately knew what was coming next.

"Daddy, no, please!"

"Ellie, you should know that as your father, I can do whatever I want to do with you, so shut your mouth and stop complaining you whore!" he cried.

"But da-" I managed to scream, but was I stopped when his hand covered my mouth. He picked me up and threw me to the floor with such force that I couldn't breathe after I hit. I lied on the ground gasping for breath for a few seconds, but he pinned me to the ground and threatened to kill me if I screamed while he had his way with me. After nearly 30 minutes, he finally decided that he had had enough. He lumbered into his room and left me lying on the floor, crying.

I knew that if I wanted to live, I would have to escape, but I'd tried it before. Let's just say that the police brought me home, and when the interviewed my father he had found an inner intelligence and lied like a dog. The police somehow believed him, and I was beaten so horribly that I could hardly move.

I then thought to myself, the past doesn't matter, but if you want to even have a future then you have to get out of here! Following my own advice, I packed up my most prized possessions, a few boxes of cereal, and about $40 into a small duffle bag. I crept to my window and slowly lifted it. The window made a loud squeaking noise, so I waited for my dad to come for nearly five minutes before I decided that he hadn't heard me and carefully crept outside.  

I walked along the sidewalk of 40th street, thinking to myself that I was on my way to a better life. Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks. I felt someone's warm breath on the back of my neck. Terrified, I spun around to see an unknown man. He had on all black clothing and his face was undistinguishable in the poor lighting. The mysterious man reached down to grab me, and before I even had time to think I felt myself being pulled into the dark woods to my left...

Please rate and comment!!!! If you want to hear more, tell me!!!!

Comments

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On June 6th 2008 hardxcorexprep Said :
hardxcorexprep awsome and ys
On May 13th 2008 MCRsLover Said :
MCRsLover i like
On March 26th 2008 alycecrist Said :
alycecrist damn it Chels how come you know so many big words!!!
On February 17th 2008 sweetie1294 Said :
sweetie1294 wow i like it
On February 16th 2008 DanteH Said :
my picture
ooh, ok now this has me interested...usually i dont like stories people write but this one is intersting...
On February 11th 2008 alycecrist Said :
alycecrist was it James. i thought it might be when u said "dressed in all black" lol. this is really good Chels
On February 11th 2008 hondaslayer Said :
hondaslayer nice. i like the decription intro but i think it would be better to do it in a story fashion other than that it is really good.
On February 10th 2008 surefirefailur Said :
surefirefailur It's good for a first attempt. But I didn't like the writing too much. It doesn't flow very well, and the sentence structuring could use some work. Sorry for being such a critic.
On February 10th 2008 Bianca1236 Said :
Bianca1236 hmm that was flipping awsome! do me a favor and read and rate my stroy and poems please. k thanx bye!
On February 10th 2008 xxXrareloveXx Said :
xxXrareloveXx i like it. its really good and im also around your age and i know right now i cant write like that yet so keep it up and plz kmp.
On February 10th 2008 lolli2duble0h8 Said :
lolli2duble0h8 really good lol im only 13 myslef and only just turned tht recently i think u have a preety good future ahead of you if you can write like that at 12 and sucha strong subject too well done! KMP!
On February 10th 2008 angiegymgurl Said :
angiegymgurl wow! its really good.....keep me posted!
On February 10th 2008 geli01 Said :
geli01 it i not very smart to tell people your real age online, or tell them at all, i dont go around saying, "oh i'm a 13 year old girl lalal" there is omething called PEDOFILES!! im not 13 tho. this is good, i thought at first it wa gonna be sick, but it wasnt, so i liked it, there r 2 many sick stories on here. good writing, plz comment and rate my storie 2, L8ERRR
On February 10th 2008 NicoleSmith159 Said :
NicoleSmith159 I agree, it isn't common for a 12 year olds' imagination to have thoughts like this. I respect your subject though and thought it was well written. You're vocabulary used is very good.
I must say though that it spoiled the whole mood of the story at the very begining when you mentioned "My Name is Elizabeth Baker. I am 14, 5'4, and I'm very slim. I have long black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a drop-dead amazing smile.....This is what caused all of my troubles..."
You can't just blabe it out at the begining. You have to slowly mention it into the story. It will sound some what better. I like your style in writting and I would love to read more.
On February 10th 2008 vanique Said :
vanique I aggree with CaPlane
On February 10th 2008 CaPlanePourToi Said :
CaPlanePourToi It's pretty abrupt. You have a good imagination...very odd subject matter for a 12 year old. Umm, instead of describing your character in the beginning like that, describe them in the story. It's a good start.
On February 10th 2008 chelseaprice12 Said :
chelseaprice12 please rate!!!!!