Diary of a sex Addict (chapter Six) All my fault

                                                         Chapter six:

                                                         All my fault

        

      He opened the door for me and I stepped inside. Mr. Miller’s drunken ass was still sitting down drinking up the bar. After Jonathan came inside I turned to him and asked a favor “Jonathan, can you get the money from Mr. Miller that he owes Joe.” “Alright, for you, but right now I think we should both get to work this place is really busy give it an hour and I will.” He kissed me on the forehead then walked to the other side of the bar where Michael was. Even when he kissed me on the forehead I felt passion and butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I can’t believe that Jonathan was so good at what he do. He change every thought that I’ve ever thought about him, and I’m not going to lie that tongue ring had something to do with it.

I walked over to the bar where Jacky was standing shaking her head back and fourth. I looked at her with a smile then started laughing. “What” I asked. She didn’t respond, but I already knew what she was thinking and she was absolutely right earlier. I walked behind the bar placed my pocketbook in the spot reserved for it next to my Manolo’s that I had forgotten to take home. I walked to a customer who hadn’t decided what he want and asked “What can for you?” I could tell by his facial expression that he was contemplating on what to get and what not to get. “Okay miss, can I have a glass of Mullet?” he replied.

I turned around and mixed his drink with only one thing on my mind, Jonathan. This was unusual for me, because the only think that usually be on my mind is who is my next victim, but this time it was totally different, because I didn’t even have the heart to talk to any other dude. I turned back around and handed the customer the drink. “That will be eight dollars” the customer handed me a ten and said “keep the change.” See it was different from the other guy earlier who was trying to be sneaky and shit; with smirk he had on you could tell that he wanted something form me, that he wouldn’t get. I mean I pick my victims that don’t pick me.

I put the money in the register and turned back around and looked around the bar. “I wonder where Joe is.” See I should have called his ass, but he’s paying me for today, so I’m not going to do that. I sat on the stool in the corner of the bar and looked around it was busy as hell. Everyone seemed to be doing something except for me.  I felt so happy for some reason, and truth be told I don’t remember the last time I was happy. See it take good ass dick for me to be happy and I guess Jonathan gave me what I was searching for. I looked at Jonathan standing there taking order from the other side of the bar before coming over to the bar, mixing them and going back.

I closed my eyes and replayed the last two hours over and over again. A woman came into the bar and knock on the bar snapping me back to reality. I looked at her with an ill grill; no one interrupts me when I’m getting some. “Can I help you?” I asked with an annoyed voice. “Yeah, let me get a Rum and Coke.” I turned around and mixed her drink. “That will be seven dollar” I said before handing her the drink. She handed me A five and two ones; that one way to be precise her cheap ass.  I turned around and put the money into the register before walking down to the other end of the bar where anew customer was sitting “What can I get for you” I asked; she replied “Can I get a glass of Joe’s famous beer?” “Is this your first time?” I asked she replied “Yes” I turned around mixed the drink and handed it to her while saying “This one is on the house.”

Things where moving so fast that an hour had past and Jonathan was doing what was promised. I looked at the lounge door from where I was sitting that had been in there for an awful long time it doesn’t take that much time to talk about money. “Jacky” I yelled. She came over to the front of the bar “Yeah what’s up?” she replied “Stand here for a brief moment I forgot something in the lounge.” “Okay” So I walked from behind the bar and walked over the lounge door and tried to ease drop, but the music in the bar was too loud.

I opened the lounge door to realize that Jonathan was laying on the floor bleeding and the knife was still stuck inside of him. I didn’t know what to do. I froze up for a moment to think, and I decided to yank the knife out as quickly as possible and put pressure on the womb. Mr. Miller was sitting on the bench shaking back and fourth as if he was ashamed of what he had just done. I let go of the womb and ran to the front of the bar and yelled “Jacky call the cops, Mr. Miller Stabbed Jonathan” I ran back in the room and put pressure on the womb once again. I looked at Jonathan who was looking at me and struggling to talk. “Why did I ask you to say something to him?” I asked. Jacky and the other customer gathered around the lounge door and looked inside.

I looked up where Crystal was standing by the door and told her to go get my pocketbook from behind the bar and bring it to me. Jonathan grabbed my hand tight and wouldn’t let go/ “Yazirra” he struggled to say. “Don’t talk just relax you’ll be okay” I said with tears raining down my red eyes. Crystal brought me my pocketbook and I put it on my shoulder.

 “Yazirra”

 “Stay with me I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Okay.” I said with tears flowing down my eyes.

I heard the siren of the police car in the front of the bar followed by the ambulance.

“I need you to know something.”

There was so much blood and I hate the sight of blood, the last time I saw that much blood was when I walked into the mother’s room to find her lifeless body. The police pushed past the crowd of people making there way into the room and the paramedic followed.

“Excuse me miss I need you out of the way.” The paramedic said.

I let go of the womb and stood up I had a lot of blood on my hands and my shirt. As the paramedics put Jonathan onto the stretcher he grabbed my hand tightly. The rolled him out of the room and I followed along his side. The police had tape crossed all around the bar. I looked at the car behind the ambulance and saw Mr. Miller in the back seat in hand cuffs. The paramedics loaded Jonathan into the ambulance.

“You can’t come in here, who are you to him?”

“I’m his girlfriend.”

“Okay, let’s go we have to get him to the hospital pronto.”

The paramedic helped me step into the ambulance, and then closed the door. I grabbed Jonathan’s hand with tears running down my eyes. It took us twelve minutes to get to the hospital. It shouldn’t have taken us that damn long I don’t know what the hell was going on in that department. When we reached the Hospital Jonathan still had a pulse. They rolled him into the emergency room and told me that I had to wait in the waiting area.  He let go of my hand and I walked over to the reserved seats for family and friends.

I sat down and prayed, and the thing is I haven’t prayed since the last time I saw my mother alive. I don’t even pray for myself anymore.

Dear: God,

 

 Please let him be okay. I haven’t asked you for anything in years, so please let him live. 

Prove to me that you love me, because there’s a strong chance that I might be in love with that guy that’s in that room.

I asked you before to keep my mother and I out of harms way and you didn’t, but if you want to take someone of this earth take me, not Jonathan.

Please, please, please?” I said with tears running from my eyes like shower water. 

                                       

                                                In Jesus name I pray Amen.

 

I sat in that same seat for five hours; I have never sat down that long unless I was sleeping. A doctor came from the back.

“Is anyone here for Jonathan Pierce?”

I stood up and walked over to her as quickly as possible. She stood there unresponsive for a minute.

“Is he okay?” I yelled?

“He lost a lot of blood, but we were able to stop the bleeding. For a moment we did lose him, but for some reason he wouldn’t give up. Are you Yazirra?”

“Yes.”

“He said your name a couple of times. He must really love you. It was a miracle with that much blood lost he wasn’t supposed to survive”

I started crying.

“Can I see him?”

“No, I’m afraid you can’t. It’s far too soon. Come back in three days then you’ll be able to see him.”

“Okay, thank you.”

I walked over to the seat where I was sitting and picked up my pocketbook and headed out of the hospital.

“Hey wait, these are some things that belong to him and we were supposed to give them to you.”

She handed me his wallet, his cell phone and his clothing in a plastic bag as I walked out of the hospital. Once I was outside I looked up and said the two words that I never thought I would ever say to the guy above.

“Thank you.”

He had proved my worth to him and he proved that he does love me. I pulled my cell phone out of and called Jacky.

“Yazirra how is he?”

“What?”

“How is he doing?”

“Where are you and why weren’t you here to comfort me, what type of friend are you?”

“I had to do something.”

“You had to do something, Come on now you mean to tell me that whatever you had to do was more important than this, so what did you have to do?”

She got silent.

“That’s what I thought.” I hung the phone up.

When it came the time that her loyalty was tested she was no where around. I browsed through my phone to I found I number for a cab.

“NYT”

“Can I have a taxi to Yonker General Hospital?”

“Look out for your taxi.”

I hung the phone up. I stood outside waiting for the damn taxi for twenty minutes, by the time it got there I was exhausted.

“Where to?”

“1253 43^rd street.”

I taxi drove off and knodded off in the back seat. It felt like I had closed my eyes for two minutes, no longer than that and I was already there.

“Excuse me miss we’re here.”

I didn’t respond I was fast asleep. He knocked on the glass widow separating us hardly and it knocked me out of my sleep. I turned around and sw that we were park in front of my building.

“How much is it?”

“Tweleve Dollars”

I pulled out a twenty and handed it too him and waited for the change, once I got it I opened the door and stepped out of the cab.I was thinking to myself as I walked to the front door what the hell is up with the number tweleve.  It took twelve minutes to get to the hospital then it cost twelve dollars to get home. I dug around in my pocket book for my keys until I had graspe for them. I yanked tem out of the pocket book and unlocked the front door and walked into the building. I walk directly to the elevator.

Bing***

 

The elevator door opened and I stepped in and  pushed my floor. I stood on the elevator for twenty seconds beofre it stopped at my floor. I stepped out and walked to my apartment and unlock the door. I was so glad that man had left because who knows what I would of done if he had been here when I got back, not to mention how in the hell did he get my address anyway?

I unlocked the door and walked into the house. I dropped my bag on the floor by the door and walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I stripped ass naked and stepped into the shower. I didn’t care whether the water was to hot or to cold. I probably wouldn’t be able to feel it. Because everything about me felt so numb. I stood there scratching my skin as though my skin was crawling with anxiety. I washed every bit of blood of  off me and stood there shaking and crying.

Why did I care so much about what happened to Jonathan? I have never cried over a nigga, but I guess Jonathan wasn’t an ordinary nigga. If only I had told Mr. Miller to pay up or get the fuck out earlier none of this would have happened. I mean I would of, but I didn’t want to cause anything between Joe and him. I Could of because I was in charge and the bar was considered to be mines for the day and I should of, but truly it was none of my business. Now I’m standing here feeling all lost and I can’t stop myself from crying. I have never felt this way before I never blamed myself for anything, I never take responsibilty, but now I am, over some dude that it took me years to find out that I might be in love with. I closed my eyes and let the water run down my naked body for twenty minutes before deciding to get out.

I stepped out of the shower and walked to the front door pulled my cell phone out of the bag and locked the front door. See usually that something that I would do as soon as I walk in but I had a lot on my mind tonight. I picked up my pocket book and took my cell phone out. My hair was dripping wet and I give a shit. At the moment I don’t care what happens to me. I walked into the bed room and went to recent calls and called Joe.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Uncle Joe.” I said with tears running down my eyes.

“What’s wrong Yazirra?”

“No one told you what happened.?”

“Told me what?”

“There was a shooting at the bar and Jonathan is in the hospital.”

“Oh God,  is he alright?”

“Let me speak to her.” Someone said in a familiar voice.

“Who is that uncle Joe?”

“Nobody.”

“Let me talk to her really fast.”

I closed my eyes and thought to myself who does that sound like.

“Uncle Joe who is that with you?”

 He hesitated, “Your father.”

“I don’t have a fucking father, you mean to tell me you was with him all day?”

“He met me at the café at the corner near the  Penn station.”

“Bye, Joe” Joe knew when I was mad at him, because I would always take uncle from in front of Joe.

I hung my phone up and turned the power off, then sat it on the dresser and walked over to the bed and got in. I laid there for twenty-five minutes before drifting off alseep.