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P!ATD FanFic #4- Ryan's not okay/ Will Bden be mad??
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 Created on 7-20-07
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*continued from last story. please read and comment past entries.*
Brendon and i went down the stairs into the basement. ryan still sat in the same spot on the couch, his back towards us, but his guitar was face down on the floor next to him. it was odd because ryan had always taken care of his guitar. he named it "lover" and kept it in perfect condition. to see his "lover" on the floor in a careless way was weird.
i looked at brendon and saw the hurt in his face. we both knew something was wrong. he and i stopped and stood still 5 feet away from the couch. it was silent until brendon decided to say somehing.
"ryan, man, are you okay?"
ryan didn't budge except for a slow shake of his head. i felt a nervous jitter in my stomach, and right away my hands shook with an akward fear. we all didnt move for a few moments. thoughts ran through my head, curiousity made me dizzy, i needed to know what was wrong. i looked up at brendon and he looked at me. motioning to ryan, i furrowed my eyebrows as if to say "do you know what's wrong?" brendon shook his head and shrugged. i swallowed my nervousness, and walked slowly over to the couch and sat next to ryan. i faced my body towards his so i could see brendon, too.
ryan's eyes were focused on the floor, and his hands shook violently. his face was sad, confused, hurt, and scared all at the same time. i looked directly into his eyes, and he turned his head to look at me the same way.
"tell me everything," i said in a whisper. "your past, your present. what's going on?"
ryan's eyes became teary, and he returned his gaze to the floor.
"t-t-tell brendon to leave," he stuttered.
i glanced over at brendon, and nodded at him. he turned around and walked out. i looked back at ryan.
"i hate myself," ryan bluntly stated. "i hate my life, my parents, my personality, my looks.... everything."
this was a shock to me. i had always thought ryan was incredibly cute. his eyes were an amazing shade of brown, and his hair was choppy and completely punk. his gauged ears made his shy appearance mysterious.
"oh my god, ryan. i had no idea," i said, shocked. i could relate to the feeling, since i felt the same way about myself.
his tears fell down his cheeks and he weeped silently. seeing him so sad reminded me of my depression, and i began to cry along with him.
ryan looked at me with a confused look, "why are you upset?"
i calmed myself before saying, "i feel the same way about myself. to me, i can never do anything right. i fuck up everything i do, no matter what it is."
ryan's face was dumbfounded. "oh my god. really?"
i nodded.
"wow," he said. "why?"
"because i'm ugly and stupid and i never say the right thing and people hate me. but i try. i freakin try so hard," i explained.
"thats such a lie. you are depressed because you lie to yourself. there's nothing wrong with you. if brendon hadnt gotten you first, i sure as hell wouldve tried."
i stared at the floor. the way he said that made me wonder if he was right.
"skyler, you are a beautiful girl. and youre funny as hell."
i looked at ryan and smiled a small grin.
"why do you feel that way about yourself?" i asked.
he sighed. "i have for a couple years now. ever since my parents got a divorce, and my mom started hating me. i figured if my mom hated me, then why the hell should i like myself?"
"because youre smart and talented and really really hot."
ryan stared at me. "shut up. thats a lie."
"why would i lie to you?"
"because i feel like shit, and you want me to feel better."
"no, if i was lying, you would know. i'm a horrible liar."
he laughed a little. "can i talk to you about anything? are you cool with that?"
"of course, ryan. i'm here for you to lean on."
he smiled and said, "finally, someone i can trust."
we looked at eachother and he reached up to wipe the tears off my cheeks.
"youre such a sweet guy, ryan."
"when i want to be."
"sure, whatever."
he grabbed my hand and held it. "thank you," he said.
"no problem," i replied. i had that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach that something big was gonna happen. 'is he gonna kiss me? and if he does, what will brendon think? will i even tell brendon?' so many thoughts ran through my head.
sure enough, ryan leaned toward me, and looked straight into my eyes. i leaned in so our lips were an inch apart, and closed my eyes. we both puckered our lips at the same time, and kissed softly. embarassed, ryan let go of my hand, and sat with his back against the couch.
"that was unplanned, yet so satisfying," i said.
"yeah. i just had to do it. my heart said 'do it do it', but my mind said 'dont do it, brendons gonna be pissed'."
"oh yeah, that doesnt leave this room."
"oh yeah."
we both laughed at ourselves for being stupid, horny teenagers.
"i think we should get brendon. he's probably kinda curious by now," i suggested.
"yeah, lets just go to his room. thats probably where he is."
"ok," i agreed.
ryan and i stood up, but didnt go anywhere. instead, we hugged eachother tight, and lingered for a moment. finally, we let go, ryan grabbed his guitar, and we headed up the stairs to brendons room.
~~~~~~bdens room~~~~~~
i knocked on the door, and brendon opened it.
"oh hey. come on, i'm just screwing around on the piano," bden said.
"oh, cool." i randomly stated.
we entered his room and brendon said to ryan, "feeling better?"
"yeah," ryan shot me a look. " a lot better."
"good."
we all sat in brendons room for a while, talking, playing instruments, just being teens. it got to be about 8 pm, and ryan had to head home because his mom needed him to watch his sister. after ryan left, brendon and i continued to chat because my parents wanted me home by 10.
after a few minutes of chatting, guilt struck me. brendon was my BOYFRIEND. he was commited to me. i knew he didnt go around, smooching other girls. oh my god, what had i done? i got really nervous. i began rocking back and forth on brendons bed. i usually began rocking when i got nervous or uncomfortable. brendon stopped in the middle of his sentence and looked at me, confused.
"what are you nervous about?" he asked.
how did he know?? "um, bren?"
"yeah?"
"i- um- well, its kinda weird but- i-"
"what, sky?!"
"I KISSED RYAN!" my heart pounded. i knew brendon loved me, and i was stupid to betray our relationship.
brendon looked at my eyes, confused. then his look became angry and feirce. he opened his mouth and let out a harsh, "WHAT?!"
*number 5 coming soon!*
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On July 30th 2007 spikies7 Said : | |
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OMG!!! You have to write number 5 quickly!!!! Please keep me posted!!!
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| On July 28th 2007 eeveelover411 Said : | |
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hurry and write 5 pweaseeeeeeeeee |
| On July 20th 2007 starryboo Said : | |
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OMG!!!!!!!!!!!that was sooooooooooooooooo good!!!! |
