What it all comes down to |Chapter 4|

One month later

 

 

Angry… depressed… guilty.

 

I haven’t had any other emotions run through my head since that horrible night when my step father died in my arms. I shouldn’t have happened that way, yet, it did and there was nothing anyone could do but sit and take it. The person who had killed him was dead… he had taken away two things from me—my step father, and my virginity. I loved him—but I’d never make the mistake of loving anyone again.

 

“I need a ride to school,” Chris said as he came into my room—without knocking. He still had the gloomy look in his eyes—the one I had put there, I winced—but he was a little better now. At least he was speaking to me a little bit now.

 

“Sure,” I mumbled. “I’ll be down in ten.”

 

He closed the door and I sat on the bed and let a few tears slide down my face. Everything is messed up now. I let a few tears fall before wiping my eyes and sliding on my tan wedges.

 

I picked up my purse off the bed and took my keys out of the side pocket so I could lock the door. When I got in the car, Chris didn’t say anything to me—he looked out the window. I was about to start a conversation, but I didn’t want to push him away again.

 

When we pulled up, I turned the car off and sat back to see if he would say anything, surprisingly, he did.

 

“You know…” He paused and leaned back a little bit. “I keep thinking that one day, I’ll wake up and this past month would have been a dream…”

 

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, same here.”

 

He looked at me for the first time since we had gotten in the car. “I guess we should both stop thinking then, huh?” He shook his head as if he were trying to stop himself from adding to that statement. “I’ll get a ride home… you don’t have to wait.”

 

I was frozen; there were no words to respond with so I looked away as he got out of the car. I was about to get out of the car, when I realized I couldn’t. I was trying to breathe slowly, but I couldn’t do that either. I could do one thing though, I would drive until my feet bled from pushing the gas pedal too long, I would put the top down and feel the wind in my hair. Home was a prison to me right now; the only way to ease the guilt was to set myself free. I pulled out of the school parking lot and refused to look back.

 

 

 

After driving for about ten minutes, I realized that I had to get gas to drive until my feet bled—I still wasn’t sure if I meant literally or not.

 

I pulled into the gas station and jumped out quickly. My wedges raised me from the ground by about three inches; normally I’d be about 5’4. I walked into the gas station store and the cold air raised the goose bumps on my skin. I rubbed my arms frantically for a few seconds and then walked up to the register.

 

The guy behind the counter stared me down and I didn’t pay him too much attention. “Hi. Can I get $20 on number 3 and also a pack of trident gum?”

 

He continued smiling as he handed me the gum and put the money on the pump I had chosen. I rolled my eyes and exited the store.

 

“I thought school would be in session by now…” A deep voice said from behind me.

 

“You thought right.” I replied, rudely, as I began pumping my gas.

 

I stood there tapping the tip of my shoes against the pavement. Hurry it up, already! I thought as I watched the numbers slowly dial up.

 

“Oh, so you’re taking the day off?” He asked. “Yeah, me too.”

 

I scrunched my face up in confusion and turned around. I didn’t recognize his face, and I was sure I knew everyone at Glendale high school.

 

 He was about 6’1 with regular brown eyes and a hair cut—but I could tell he had wavy hair. He had on a white shirt, and from the looks of his arms he was probably a basketball player or maybe even a football player. I didn’t want to admit that I was attracted to him; I turned my attention back to the monitor and noticed it was still dialing!

 

I shrugged. “I don’t know you.” I stated in a nonchalant voice.

 

“You probably wouldn’t.” He laughed. “I transferred about two weeks ago.”

 

“Oh. That’s nice… I guess.”

 

The gas stopped and I ripped the receipt out and returned the gas pump back to its cradle.

 

“Hey I was wondering—”

 

“—Listen… not to be rude or anything, but I’m not interested in anything you have to say. I’ve been going through a lot lately and it’s just better if I don’t add any more drama to my life. But… it was nice meeting you.”

 

I watched his eyes travel down my body for a second and he nodded. “Sure…”

 

I nodded back and got into my car. The music was blasting loudly as I sped down the highway. Sometime between the crying I did and the singing extremely loud… I made an illegal U-turn and made my way home.

 

 

I got home around 2’oclock because I stopped for something to eat at a good restaurant. “Mom?” I called as I entered the house. “Are you here?”

 

I went to the garage window and looked out, her car wasn’t there. I went into the living room and sat on the couch. Music videos were on as soon as I turned on the television, letting me know instantly that I was the last one to watch TV in the house.

 

I lay down on the couch after taking my shoes off and drifted to sleep.

 

 

About an hour later I woke up to the sound of a door slamming and there was suddenly a very annoying voice in house.

 

“Chris, why can’t you just go with me to the doctor? It’s your baby too.”

 

“I told you already… I have shit to do!” He said in an irritated voice.

 

“Babe, you’re still a little angry about your dad’s death… I get it. But please? I want you there.” She begged.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You know what… this wouldn’t even be happening if it wasn’t for your stupid step-sister!”

 

My mouth dropped. “What are you talking about?” Chris snapped.

 

“It’s her fault all this is happening… it’s her fault your dad was murdered. She was dating that retard. Her bad judgment is causing all your suffering.”

 

I swallowed hard and blinked back my tears. It was the first time someone had confirmed that it was my fault… even though I already knew that, it made me feel worse.

 

“Are you crazy? Have you lost your—” The sentence broke off but I figured I knew what he was about to say. “Christina… you need to leave.”

 

“But why?”

 

“Shayla has nothing to do with what that sick fuck did to my father… you can’t blame that shit on her. What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“Whatever,” Christina said. I heard her heels clacking against the wood floor in the front room leading to the door. “I’m out.”

 

The door slammed and I sat up from the couch as quietly as I could and tried to walk up the stairs. As soon as I hit the second step, I heard his voice. “Shayla?”

 

I breathed deep and turned around. “What?”

 

He looked at me crying and his eyes widened. “What’s wrong?”

 

I shook my head and ran down the steps into his arms. “Chris… I’m so sorry! I know you must hate me… you can admit it. But I swear I…”

 

“Whoa, whoa… shhh.” He said wrapping his arms tighter against my body. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have acted that way toward you. You’re my sister.”

 

I shook my head. “We’re not really brother and sister you know.” I whispered.

 

I pulled back from him slowly and looked him in the eyes. Even with my vision blurred from the tears, it didn’t block out his features. He was always there for me, in his own way, and I couldn’t help the way I felt about him. Even if we were “related” … I couldn’t help it.

 

Chris stared at me, in the eyes, and then he kissed me. On the lips. As quickly as it started however, I pulled away. “Oh my God!” I exclaimed as I pulled away. “What are we doing?”

 

I turned around and ran up the steps. I went into my room and locked the door. What the hell are you doing, Shayla? I asked myself as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

 

It seemed like I wasn’t looking at myself… it was as if there was an imposter in the mirror. The girl I used to be had some how crossed over. It was the weirdest feeling—the stranger in the mirror was the girl I had become in the past month, I didn’t like her too much, though.