The Tiny Little Candle

It was dark in my room the only light was a little candle I got at a church retreat that barely gave off any light. Outside my room tons of lights were on but I taped my door so that no light came in. Outside my mom was reading a book and my younger brothers were wrestling around in the livingroom and my father fast asleep just across the hall. As I sat in my room I thought to myself what was the point of living? What was there for me? I didn't think that there was anything left in life. My girlfriend who I thought I loved broke up with me not too much earlier. She said to other people that I was annoying yet she said I was one of the weirdest people she knew and she loved that about me. But it was over now. At that time I was wrestling for the school and I had lost a lot of weight. I didn't eat anything for days nothing but water gatorade and occasionally some bread. And on the weekends I ate a little more. I starved myself for that team and I got nothing in return I didn't win a single match. I considered myself a failure. All that pain for a little piece of paper saying congrads you were a wrestler and I thought it was crap. Along with my gf leaving and the pains of wrestling me and my mother constantly fought and I was sick of it I couldn't take her voice any more. Her voice constantly rang in my head. To try and cope a little bit with all of this pain I started to abuse pain killers taking 6 or more a day it should have killed me but it didn't. And so that one night I sat in my room with that little candle barely giving off a flame, a knife sharpened a couple of days earlier and a full bottle of painkillers. The only thing left to do was decide how many pills to take and where to cut myself. I don't remember how many I took that night but the amount should have killed my twice. But it didn't. After I took the pills I felt dizzy some how I blew out the candle so all I could see was dark. The room started spinning and eventually fell on my floor. I didn't cut myself that night but I don't know how I survived. I woke up the next morning and thought to myself I need to find some help. So I talked to my best friend and he helped me get better. I didn't tell anyone else but today a couple more people know. After that night things started going my way. I quit pills, started eating again, and things with my mother cooled off. Today me and her constantly laugh and brighten each others day. A couple months later I found the love of my life and we are still together and I've never been happier. I've got a lot more friends now  that I quit sports and started drama which made me so much happier. Things are all better now but I still think back to that night and tell myself that I never want to go back. So I motivate myself saying that I could be dead right now. So I live life to the fullest and think that someone up there must like me a whole lot.