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Within moments I had been whisked away from Maeiss’ library. A group of robed women had appeared and towed me through the labyrinth of halls. I was now in a room, caught in a daze. This was all happening too fast!

“Such short notice! We must get you ready!”

“Ready?” I mumbled, numb.

“Yes! Yes! This is a once in a lifetime event! It is a joyous day to be celebrated! You must thus be dressed appropriately!”

“Oh…” I replied, not feeling much like celebrating. Apparently it was a black tie occasion.

After a bunch of women had finished playing dress up with me like I was a life size Barbie, I was led over to a full length mirror. The sight of me made me gasp aloud.

My hair was pinned up in twisting elegant designs. It was done with such preciseness it appeared a fantastical sculpture of early Greek perfection. My face was painted with spiraling and sparkling designs on my left side along my hair line, framing my features. It gave my appearance a mystic quality.

My emerald green eyes shown with an intensity I didn’t recognize in myself. The robe fell loosely from my shoulders, exposing an extremely low cut dress. I actually looked sexy.

The cloak was pinned together at my heart with a broach. It was a heart that spiraled inwards. I recognized this symbol.

“My mother. She had one just like that. The sankofa,” I said, stunned.

“Yes,” replied one of the women. “The symbol for learning from the past. Undoing mistakes. This is a day of new opportunities. A day to start over and live a life free of guilt. Live deliberately. It is traditional for the person who is being initiated to wear a token of both parents. The sankofa was from your mother. This was your father’s. He asked me to give it to you.” She withdrew a pendent of the moon on a long silver chain. She placed it around my neck where it hung to my belly button.

I realized then that even if my mother hadn’t told me of my heritage, she had still raised me as a witch and had been preparing me for this day all along. The thought of her brought tears to my eyes. Of all the times to cry over her, I was frustrated my eyes would choose now.

“You miss her.” It wasn’t a question. Of course I did.

“Yes.”

“She was a great woman.”

“You knew her?”

“Yes.”

I smiled. Then I was blindfolded.

“Hey!” I shouted.

“Shh. It’s part of the ceremony.”

I took a few deep breaths as I was led out of the room and somewhere else. All I could hear was the shuffling of my gown and the padding of my bare feet on the floor. The women had either disappeared or were extremely quiet. I continued walking along, hoping I wasn’t about to run into anything. You know, we really do depend on sight too much.

Someone placed their hands on my shoulders, stopping me from going any farther. The blindfold was tugged from my face easily, and I was spun around.

My father was standing there, smiling.

“Belladonna. You are beautiful.” I smiled despite myself.

“So. What happens next?”

“Traditionally the parents perform the awakening ceremony. Being awakened isn’t always pleasant, especially for those without pure heritage. It helps to have people there that you know love you and you trust. Since your mother is gone, the right falls to the head of her coven and me.”

Great. So I was stuck with two people that I didn’t trust. It was a cruel thought, but true nonetheless.

I then took a moment to take in my surroundings. We were in a bland room, standard sized. Four walls and a door. The walls were bare and the entire thing seemed to be completely cheerless.

Suddenly a door burst open, slamming into one of the walls.

“I will not do the ceremony with the likes of you!” Roared a man. He was bald and clad in a robe. He looked older. Mid fifties to sixties, but was still lively. He had a white beard that stuck out in a small tuft.

“Belladonna, meet you grandfather and coven leader. Your mother’s side, of course.”

“A symbol of this family’s shame. That’s all she is!”

I felt like I’d been slapped. What, I had known this man all of 30 seconds and he was already passing judgment? Labeling me worthless and shameful? Anger began to seep through my shock.

“What the hell! You’ve never even given me the time of day!”

“Time of day? Hah! Interesting choice of words coming from one such as yourself!”

I barked a humorless laugh. “Yes yes. What I am. Look. I’ve been labeled a freak my entire life and I’m done now. I just recently escaped that life and one of my own flesh and blood won’t be one to start the suffering again! You don’t even know me!”

“I don’t need to know you! I know what you are and that’s enough for me to make my decision!”

“You don’t know anything! You come here preaching about the shame I bring, all the while you’re drowning in your own hypocrisy! Let me tell you, you need no help from anyone at all in finding things to be ashamed of! You’re just a narrow minded twit!”

“Belladonna,” James said softly. “It’s alright.” My ragged breathing filled the silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Finally, my rage cooled and was replaced with sadness. How could all of this have happened? Tears rolled down my face and I cussed under my breath. I felt so worthless and unwanted.

The old man’s features softened. “Forgive me. I judged you prematurely. It’s just, you look so like your father. I failed to realize you have your mother in you too. But I recognize her anger and her grief, and I see now.”

“Will you perform the ceremony then?” Asked James.

“Not for you. For Tanya. She would have wanted it.”

James nodded. “We should get started then.” They both stepped forward so they were an arms length away from me. My father gave me a small encouraging smile. Somehow I did not feel comforted.

Each clasped one of my shoulders and then, I was falling.

Memories circled my head, faster and faster until I was sick from the scenes changing so rapidly. But I could not look away. I could not shut my eyes. I had no eyes. No body. No physical existence at all. I was tethered to nothing, and the life I had experienced seemed so far away. So distant. I watched my life, my memories with the coolness that an uninvolved person can assume. Like hearing about a strangers death but not really feeling the loss or pain of it. It was all a facade. It wasn’t real, and for once the question of the authenticity of these visions did not wake me from the experience I’d hoped was simply a dream.

My mind was divided into so many different sections. So many things all being shifted before me, and me seeing and feeling and experiencing all of them with total comprehension that still made absolutely no sense. So divided was my mind I thought it would shatter, breaking into millions of pieces. Breaking me. I pulled hard against my mind, reeling in the drifting pieces until I was close to completion. My mind shrieked and fought for freedom. If I had had teeth at that moment, I would have been grinding them. If I had had a voice, it would have been crying out against the effort.

Finally I was complete again. I came to lying in the softest grass of the greenest shade. The sky was vivid blue and flowers painted a rainbow on the landscape surrounding me.

I stood, sweat dripping from my brow and into my eyes. I glanced around and saw James and my grandfather.

Well done. The words echoed through my head and soared on the gentle breeze of this peaceful land.

Where are we? I asked. My words weren’t spoken. They were thought. They shook their heads.

We’re not finished yet. They approached me while the words continued.

We will visit the most important moments of your life.

And down I fell again.

It was easier to collect myself this time, though I didn’t regain a physical form, nor did I awake in a world between worlds of such beauty that it couldn’t possibly be described.

Something brushed against my mind though I can’t explain how I felt it. I just had a sense that something like me was somewhere with me.

A scene unfolded before us. I was six years old and in my mother’s greenhouse store. Tanya was leading me around, teaching me about various herbs. A great sadness erupted, the only thing tangible in this place of treacherous memories. My mother was so beautiful. So gentle and kind. I could just let go. Stay here in this fake happiness. Drown myself in false promises until I believed them. But I would only be a ghost. Only be a spectator. No. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t make myself believe this, though I wanted it more then I’d ever wanted anything before. I couldn’t make myself let go.

The scene dissipated and a new one appeared before me. I was fifteen and a classmate had just called me a freak and slammed my locker shut while walking by.

“Hey!”

She turned with a laugh. “What?” She said, all smiles. The laughter at my expense shown form her eyes.

“Look here bitch. Touch my locker again and I’ll beat the living hell out of you.”

The smile disappeared. “Bite me, freak.” She leaned over to her second in command friend and whispered about me. They both laughed.

“Let’s see if we can bruise that pretty little face.” I smiled an insane smile. Then, I was charging her. The rage was white hot and uncontrollable. I watched myself from afar as my fist collided with her fake face. Her nose bled, adding a brilliant red to the other colors painted onto her face. She slapped at me, not really knowing how to throw a punch and I laughed and shoved her back against the locker. I was walking towards her when someone intervened. She slid to the floor and hid her face. Her shoulders shook with sobs. The other me laughed. “I guess we can.”

And the real me was disgusted.

A new seen slid into place. It was at my mother’s funeral. The priest spoke of life after death and how she was in a better place now. It was a nondenominational service, seeing as my mother never had religion since I could remember. I watched me as I stood there, staring at the headstone. My hair was uncombed a blowing wildly in the wind. The only thing that wasn’t weighted down with the aching sadness at the moment. The sky was gray and overcast, and finally erupted, tearing apart in a million places allowing the stinging cool kisses of rain to fall on our small gathering. I remember thinking that rain at funerals was only a movie cliché. Everyone dashed away for their cars, but I stayed. The rain washed over me, cleansing and giving me the first real taste of sanity that I had felt in a long time. It fell to the earth with my tears as if the sky itself was mourning the loss of my mother. I was suddenly angry. “You haven’t lost anything! I’m the only loser here!” I shouted into the fierce wind, and the thunder rolled back, arguing. Calling me ignorant. Calling me nothing.

I fell to my knees, sobbing, and stayed there for a long time. Finally, I rose and looked to the storm. It thundered its warning and laughing, I ran with the wind until I felt as if I flew.

A new seen unfolded before me. It took a moment to recognize that I had eyes again. I had a physical body. Blinking, I stared around. My grandfather and James’s faces were serious. They had removed their hands from my shoulders. I stared, not feeling as if questions would lead to anything. I would wait.

Suddenly they both reached their arms out, fast as a snake striking. They each clutched one of my hands, and my eyes began to flutter.

“Wha..?” I mumbled, as a coldness shot through my veins. It was so bitter and freezing that it hurt like being burned. I hissed in pain and threw my head back. The coldness seeped throughout my entire body and my knees buckled. They caught me and lowered me to the ground, gently.

I have no idea if I dreamt.

I don’t know how long I slept.

But when I came to, I stared out at the world with newly opened eyes.

I was awake.