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To Save A Life - Chapter 01
Creative
 Created on 3-27-08
 Views(282)
 Story Rating G
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Here I am again...
Sitting here, all alone and unsure of what my future holds. Unsure of what the next few days will bring. My heart is broken and I have so many questions that have no real answers. Most of them I can wait to figure out, but one I just need to know now.
Why?
Why did Dean leave without saying anything? Why was there no note? Why did he leave me? Was it just too much for him. Did he just want to forget, to leave and pretend I never existed?
I can honestly say that I've never been this 'hung up' on a boyfriend before. This is the first relationship where I wasn't the first to get bored. I was honestly through and through in love with this man. And now, shattered into a thousand pieces, my heart doesn't beat the same and I feel completely numb. Not a day, or hour, or minute goes by that I don't think about him.
How could he have left me like this? I just wanted him to come home.
As the months passed, I thought of Dean less and less, but my heart still hurt all the same. I had almost gave up on the idea of Dean coming back until Sam returned home from staying a few months in Cancun with Gabriella.
"Hey Love-Bucket!" Sam called into my apatment as him and Gabby barged in. They always just barged into my apartment. That was my downfall to being too comfortable with Sam.
I came into the room to greet him with a bittersweet smile on my face. I was so glad to have my Sammy back home, but the mere site of him made me think of Dean.
"Hey Sam!" I smiled gently at him, he wrapped around me tightly and kissed me softly.
"So... where's my asshole brother?" He pulled back slighlty, "He isn't answering his phone today?" I looked up at him slightly.
If this was a joke, it wasn't a good one.
"He's not here, Sam."
"Well, where is he then?"
"Sam, this isn't funny..." I stated softly.
"What? Are you guys fighting or something?" He eyed me slightly, "Do I need to punch him in the face?"
"Just stop allright, Dean isn't here, he hasn't been for months now. Thanks for putting salt in the wound." I headed toward the kitchen for something to drink out of the icebox. Sam followed me.
"Wait," He grabbed my hand and shut the door to the refrigerator, "What do you mean, he's been gone for months? I just talked to him yesterday to tell him we were coming in early and he told me you were in the shower."
"Well he lied to you, Sam." I stated, soft tears filled my eyes, "Cause he left, three months ago, in the middle of the night, while I was asleep. He didn't leave a note or a reason. He just.... left." Sam looked down at me, slightly dumbfounded by it all.
"That doesn't sound like Dean." I heard Gabreilla state from the livingroom.
"No... it doesn't" Sam stated, "I'm going to go talk to a few people, see if I can get whats going on straight. All right?"
"Sam, he just didn't want to be here anymore, I knew it would happen, I just hoped it wouldn't."
"Hey!" Sam grabbed my face slightly, "I don't care what you think, Dean would have never left you like that unless it was something serious... something he didn't want you to be involved in. He loves you." I nodded slightly, and Sam kissed my forehead. "I'll be back in a few hours..." With that Sam exited my apartment quickly.
"How are you feeling?" Gabriella chimed in. I looked over at her and gave her a weak smile.
Gabriella and I.... Well, lets just say... we're no longer the best of friends. Don't get me wrong, we're still friends, but things have changed between us. Her relationship with Sam had finally reached a level of bonified couple and now she can't stand the site of me with Sam. I didn't understand it much. I mean I knew most girls were like that, but me and Gabby were best friends. And she knew the type of relationship Sam and I had, why would it be so much of a bother now.
Women.
"I'm fine, Gabby." I replied.
"Don't worry, I'm sure Sam will get it all figured out again." I glanced her way and there it was. That look. The look of pitty that always comes from the people who believe they're better off than you. Who think somehow they're happy fantasy world will make you feel better with a look of 'oh poor you'
I hate those looks.
"It doesn't matter, cause even if he does show his face around here again, he won't look the same when he leaves..." I huffed. She gave me that look again.
Stupid fucking look!
"Its good to see you again and all, Gabby, but I just want to be alone" I stated. She looked at me and without a seconds thought... she left.
Late that evening, as I laid helplessly wide awake in bed, I heard the door to my apartment open and some keys drop to a table. I sighed slightly hoping it was Sam and not Gabby. I wasn't in the mood for Gabby. I crawled out of bed and headed toward the living room.
"Sam?" I called out, but no answer came. "Gabby?" I offered, but again no answer.
Great... Again, here I am, standing in a dark room, calling out to someone i'm not sure is even there... do we not remember how this scenerio played out last time?
"You're going crazy Anna..." I said to myself as I turned back toward my bedroom. I stopped when something caught my eyes. A little red light, beaming in from the window onto a table across the room. My heart began to race with so much emotion and anger fumed from within cause I knew what that light was.
Dean.
I looked around through the room for any sign of Dean. His jacket was laid over the chair. His keys laid in a familiar place on the coffee table.
Could it be real? Am I dreaming? Did he really come back?
I pray for the sake of his beautiful eyes and cute nose that he wasn't, cause once I was done with him, you won't be able to discribe them that way.
"Anna..." The soft whisper flooded the open space of my apartment.
That voice, god how i've missed that voice.
I turned abruptly and took a step foward and clashed heads with a body of mass infront of me. I fell back against a wall, and for a moment I could see him moving.
"Fuck, Anna." He spat. He was obviously in pain, I could tell by the sound of his voice. But at the moment, there in the dark, it didn't matter.
"Where the hell have you been?" I spat back as I pushed him hard. He stumbled backwards as I advanced towards him.
"Anna, please..." His words were softer now, but I didn't seem to notice the true agonizing pain that accompanied them at the time.
"Three fucking months, Dean. No call, no explanation, no NOTHING!" I reached over for the lightswitch and flipped it on, I glanced over at him and was slightly horrified at what I saw. Dean's face was bloody and he was filthy from head to toe. He held his arm tightly against his side and his shirt was torn over his abdomain. "Holy fuck, Dean."
"Just turn off the lights..." He stated as he rested up against the wall next to my bedroom door. I flipped them off quickly and rushed over to him.
"Are you ok? Is this your blood?"
"Most of it." He groaned slightly as he slid down to the floor. I knelt down beside him.
"Dean what happened? What's going on?"
"I'll explain later, I promise..." He paused, "Could you just... my arm..." He stated.
I moved over and grasped his arm firmly and pushed down on his shoulder. With a hard push and a moan of pain, Deans arm popped with enthusiasm.
Dean had showed me numerous times how to do this and I would always tell him not to bother I wouldn't have much use for it. Guess I was wrong.
"Could you help me to the bathroom?" He asked. I stood and helped him up and provided bracing as he hobbled his way down the hall to the bathroom, it was obvious his leg was in bad shape too.
I went back to my room as Dean cleaned showered and cleaned up. So many things were now racing through my mind, but most of all.... 'What the hell happened to Dean'. Just as I began to wrap my head around the scenerios that could have taken place, I remember some vital information.
I was extremely pissed off at Dean.
I looked up towards the door as Dean made his way into the bedroom.
"How are you feeling?" I asked as he sat down on the bed next to me.
"Achey..." He replied. I nodded, then hauled off and punched him... clear in the jaw.
I know I shouldn't have done it. He was already in alot of pain, but damn it. He deserved it and it made me feel so much better.... at the time.
"For the love of all things medical..." He stated as he grabbed his jaw. "What the hell was that for?"
"What the hell do you think it was for Dean?"
"I know you're upset, but can we refrain from the hitting, please." He stated.
"Upset.... upset doesn't even begin to explain it."
"I knew I should have just gone straight to Sam's." He groaned slightly.
"Yeah, you're probably right." I huffed and plopped down on the bed.
"I shouldn't even be here."
"Then why are you here?" I asked as I wiped tears from my eyes.
"Cause I want to be. I mean, I knew you'd be so angry with me, but I just had to see you." His voice was soft and for a moment I felt bad for hitting him.
Here I was being my usual over-dramatic-self and I haven't even given him the chance to explain. But I knew if I let him explain, I'd forgive him, and I just want to be mad at him. I don't want it to be that easy for him, I don't want him to know how much I truely depend on him.
"You can't do that, Dean. You can't just show up and be sweet and expect everything to be ok." I stated softly.
"I'm not expecting us to be ok, cause I know we're not." He paused his words and I just knew he was fixing to get vulnerable. To be that Dean, that I just can't help myself with. "I just need to know you still love me."
There it was... the deal breaker to my anger. He's request had a simple answer, but in the end it would have a harder consequence. It could only mean one thing, he wasn't staying.
"Dean... whats going on?" I looked up at him.
"I wish I could tell you, baby, but I can't."
"But you always tell me everything Dean, what makes this so different?" I asked, "I mean you come back into my life after leaving me so abruptly and then you tell me you can't tell me why?"
"Believe me baby, you don't want to know anything about this..." He replied. "Just please, tell me you love me."
"Come on, Dean. You know I do."
"I need to hear it. I need to hear you say it." He placed his hands on either side of my face. His touch... How I missed his touch. I looked up at him, trying to hide the pain in my eyes, even though the tears freely slithered down my cheeks.
"...I love you." My words were soft. And as he leaned his forehead against mine, and let out that mournful sigh, I knew this was it. That this is what he came back for. That for whatever reason, he had to do this, he had to break my heart. He had to leave and never come back.
"I love you..." He whispered softly, and I couldn't help the sobbing that came next.
I didn't want to make it harder for him, but who was going to make it easy for me?
"Then don't go..." I wrapped my arms around his chest. How wonderful it felt to touch him again. To feel his skin against mine. I could hear his heart beating in his chest and I laid my hand over it gently.
"The longest I can stay is til morning..." He whispered dreadingly.
I knew that morning would be a stretch for him. I knew the second I fell asleep he would be gone, straight out the door again, with no note, no answers. Nothing.
I aslo knew it would have been for the best that I just let him leave right then and there... but I couldn't. After months of not seeing his face, or touching his skin, or kissing his lips. How could I?
I reached up and touched his cheek. He looked at me with gentle, almost child like eyes and it was at that moment that I realized he was just as lost as I was. I leaned into him, at first just grazing my lips against his, unsure if I really wanted it to go in that direction, before I fully just let myself go.
I pressed my lips against his, and I could sense his weariness at first, before he fully let go to. His arms wrapped around me tightly, and his kiss against my lips deepened. How wonderful it was to feel his lips against mine again. How I've missed them. Through all the hardness of his body and his personality, with the exception of his heart, his lips were the only soft thing about him. And I loved the feel of them against my body.
What a bittersweet night this had turned out to be...
Sitting here, all alone and unsure of what my future holds. Unsure of what the next few days will bring. My heart is broken and I have so many questions that have no real answers. Most of them I can wait to figure out, but one I just need to know now.
Why?
Why did Dean leave without saying anything? Why was there no note? Why did he leave me? Was it just too much for him. Did he just want to forget, to leave and pretend I never existed?
I can honestly say that I've never been this 'hung up' on a boyfriend before. This is the first relationship where I wasn't the first to get bored. I was honestly through and through in love with this man. And now, shattered into a thousand pieces, my heart doesn't beat the same and I feel completely numb. Not a day, or hour, or minute goes by that I don't think about him.
How could he have left me like this? I just wanted him to come home.
As the months passed, I thought of Dean less and less, but my heart still hurt all the same. I had almost gave up on the idea of Dean coming back until Sam returned home from staying a few months in Cancun with Gabriella.
"Hey Love-Bucket!" Sam called into my apatment as him and Gabby barged in. They always just barged into my apartment. That was my downfall to being too comfortable with Sam.
I came into the room to greet him with a bittersweet smile on my face. I was so glad to have my Sammy back home, but the mere site of him made me think of Dean.
"Hey Sam!" I smiled gently at him, he wrapped around me tightly and kissed me softly.
"So... where's my asshole brother?" He pulled back slighlty, "He isn't answering his phone today?" I looked up at him slightly.
If this was a joke, it wasn't a good one.
"He's not here, Sam."
"Well, where is he then?"
"Sam, this isn't funny..." I stated softly.
"What? Are you guys fighting or something?" He eyed me slightly, "Do I need to punch him in the face?"
"Just stop allright, Dean isn't here, he hasn't been for months now. Thanks for putting salt in the wound." I headed toward the kitchen for something to drink out of the icebox. Sam followed me.
"Wait," He grabbed my hand and shut the door to the refrigerator, "What do you mean, he's been gone for months? I just talked to him yesterday to tell him we were coming in early and he told me you were in the shower."
"Well he lied to you, Sam." I stated, soft tears filled my eyes, "Cause he left, three months ago, in the middle of the night, while I was asleep. He didn't leave a note or a reason. He just.... left." Sam looked down at me, slightly dumbfounded by it all.
"That doesn't sound like Dean." I heard Gabreilla state from the livingroom.
"No... it doesn't" Sam stated, "I'm going to go talk to a few people, see if I can get whats going on straight. All right?"
"Sam, he just didn't want to be here anymore, I knew it would happen, I just hoped it wouldn't."
"Hey!" Sam grabbed my face slightly, "I don't care what you think, Dean would have never left you like that unless it was something serious... something he didn't want you to be involved in. He loves you." I nodded slightly, and Sam kissed my forehead. "I'll be back in a few hours..." With that Sam exited my apartment quickly.
"How are you feeling?" Gabriella chimed in. I looked over at her and gave her a weak smile.
Gabriella and I.... Well, lets just say... we're no longer the best of friends. Don't get me wrong, we're still friends, but things have changed between us. Her relationship with Sam had finally reached a level of bonified couple and now she can't stand the site of me with Sam. I didn't understand it much. I mean I knew most girls were like that, but me and Gabby were best friends. And she knew the type of relationship Sam and I had, why would it be so much of a bother now.
Women.
"I'm fine, Gabby." I replied.
"Don't worry, I'm sure Sam will get it all figured out again." I glanced her way and there it was. That look. The look of pitty that always comes from the people who believe they're better off than you. Who think somehow they're happy fantasy world will make you feel better with a look of 'oh poor you'
I hate those looks.
"It doesn't matter, cause even if he does show his face around here again, he won't look the same when he leaves..." I huffed. She gave me that look again.
Stupid fucking look!
"Its good to see you again and all, Gabby, but I just want to be alone" I stated. She looked at me and without a seconds thought... she left.
Late that evening, as I laid helplessly wide awake in bed, I heard the door to my apartment open and some keys drop to a table. I sighed slightly hoping it was Sam and not Gabby. I wasn't in the mood for Gabby. I crawled out of bed and headed toward the living room.
"Sam?" I called out, but no answer came. "Gabby?" I offered, but again no answer.
Great... Again, here I am, standing in a dark room, calling out to someone i'm not sure is even there... do we not remember how this scenerio played out last time?
"You're going crazy Anna..." I said to myself as I turned back toward my bedroom. I stopped when something caught my eyes. A little red light, beaming in from the window onto a table across the room. My heart began to race with so much emotion and anger fumed from within cause I knew what that light was.
Dean.
I looked around through the room for any sign of Dean. His jacket was laid over the chair. His keys laid in a familiar place on the coffee table.
Could it be real? Am I dreaming? Did he really come back?
I pray for the sake of his beautiful eyes and cute nose that he wasn't, cause once I was done with him, you won't be able to discribe them that way.
"Anna..." The soft whisper flooded the open space of my apartment.
That voice, god how i've missed that voice.
I turned abruptly and took a step foward and clashed heads with a body of mass infront of me. I fell back against a wall, and for a moment I could see him moving.
"Fuck, Anna." He spat. He was obviously in pain, I could tell by the sound of his voice. But at the moment, there in the dark, it didn't matter.
"Where the hell have you been?" I spat back as I pushed him hard. He stumbled backwards as I advanced towards him.
"Anna, please..." His words were softer now, but I didn't seem to notice the true agonizing pain that accompanied them at the time.
"Three fucking months, Dean. No call, no explanation, no NOTHING!" I reached over for the lightswitch and flipped it on, I glanced over at him and was slightly horrified at what I saw. Dean's face was bloody and he was filthy from head to toe. He held his arm tightly against his side and his shirt was torn over his abdomain. "Holy fuck, Dean."
"Just turn off the lights..." He stated as he rested up against the wall next to my bedroom door. I flipped them off quickly and rushed over to him.
"Are you ok? Is this your blood?"
"Most of it." He groaned slightly as he slid down to the floor. I knelt down beside him.
"Dean what happened? What's going on?"
"I'll explain later, I promise..." He paused, "Could you just... my arm..." He stated.
I moved over and grasped his arm firmly and pushed down on his shoulder. With a hard push and a moan of pain, Deans arm popped with enthusiasm.
Dean had showed me numerous times how to do this and I would always tell him not to bother I wouldn't have much use for it. Guess I was wrong.
"Could you help me to the bathroom?" He asked. I stood and helped him up and provided bracing as he hobbled his way down the hall to the bathroom, it was obvious his leg was in bad shape too.
I went back to my room as Dean cleaned showered and cleaned up. So many things were now racing through my mind, but most of all.... 'What the hell happened to Dean'. Just as I began to wrap my head around the scenerios that could have taken place, I remember some vital information.
I was extremely pissed off at Dean.
I looked up towards the door as Dean made his way into the bedroom.
"How are you feeling?" I asked as he sat down on the bed next to me.
"Achey..." He replied. I nodded, then hauled off and punched him... clear in the jaw.
I know I shouldn't have done it. He was already in alot of pain, but damn it. He deserved it and it made me feel so much better.... at the time.
"For the love of all things medical..." He stated as he grabbed his jaw. "What the hell was that for?"
"What the hell do you think it was for Dean?"
"I know you're upset, but can we refrain from the hitting, please." He stated.
"Upset.... upset doesn't even begin to explain it."
"I knew I should have just gone straight to Sam's." He groaned slightly.
"Yeah, you're probably right." I huffed and plopped down on the bed.
"I shouldn't even be here."
"Then why are you here?" I asked as I wiped tears from my eyes.
"Cause I want to be. I mean, I knew you'd be so angry with me, but I just had to see you." His voice was soft and for a moment I felt bad for hitting him.
Here I was being my usual over-dramatic-self and I haven't even given him the chance to explain. But I knew if I let him explain, I'd forgive him, and I just want to be mad at him. I don't want it to be that easy for him, I don't want him to know how much I truely depend on him.
"You can't do that, Dean. You can't just show up and be sweet and expect everything to be ok." I stated softly.
"I'm not expecting us to be ok, cause I know we're not." He paused his words and I just knew he was fixing to get vulnerable. To be that Dean, that I just can't help myself with. "I just need to know you still love me."
There it was... the deal breaker to my anger. He's request had a simple answer, but in the end it would have a harder consequence. It could only mean one thing, he wasn't staying.
"Dean... whats going on?" I looked up at him.
"I wish I could tell you, baby, but I can't."
"But you always tell me everything Dean, what makes this so different?" I asked, "I mean you come back into my life after leaving me so abruptly and then you tell me you can't tell me why?"
"Believe me baby, you don't want to know anything about this..." He replied. "Just please, tell me you love me."
"Come on, Dean. You know I do."
"I need to hear it. I need to hear you say it." He placed his hands on either side of my face. His touch... How I missed his touch. I looked up at him, trying to hide the pain in my eyes, even though the tears freely slithered down my cheeks.
"...I love you." My words were soft. And as he leaned his forehead against mine, and let out that mournful sigh, I knew this was it. That this is what he came back for. That for whatever reason, he had to do this, he had to break my heart. He had to leave and never come back.
"I love you..." He whispered softly, and I couldn't help the sobbing that came next.
I didn't want to make it harder for him, but who was going to make it easy for me?
"Then don't go..." I wrapped my arms around his chest. How wonderful it felt to touch him again. To feel his skin against mine. I could hear his heart beating in his chest and I laid my hand over it gently.
"The longest I can stay is til morning..." He whispered dreadingly.
I knew that morning would be a stretch for him. I knew the second I fell asleep he would be gone, straight out the door again, with no note, no answers. Nothing.
I aslo knew it would have been for the best that I just let him leave right then and there... but I couldn't. After months of not seeing his face, or touching his skin, or kissing his lips. How could I?
I reached up and touched his cheek. He looked at me with gentle, almost child like eyes and it was at that moment that I realized he was just as lost as I was. I leaned into him, at first just grazing my lips against his, unsure if I really wanted it to go in that direction, before I fully just let myself go.
I pressed my lips against his, and I could sense his weariness at first, before he fully let go to. His arms wrapped around me tightly, and his kiss against my lips deepened. How wonderful it was to feel his lips against mine again. How I've missed them. Through all the hardness of his body and his personality, with the exception of his heart, his lips were the only soft thing about him. And I loved the feel of them against my body.
What a bittersweet night this had turned out to be...
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