The Pain of Love

Love. What is love? We all have expierence what we think is true love. I myself have
as well. For one whole year I devoted my life to one person. The guy next door. When I first
saw him, i will admit that I was instantly attracted. I heard that he was in jail for many
things but I didn't care. I wanted to change him and fix him. So I was determined to make him
mine.

    Me and my friend thought of a great plan to get him over. My friend's parents grew
Marijuana so we decided to tell him to come over and he could smoke some Marigjuana. So we
did. Of coarse that is silly now that I think about it, but I would never do such a thing.
So we ended up talking and later on down the road we hooked up.

    Months into the relationship I fell in love. I am not sure what really drew me to
him. Maybe it was his bad ass personality or maybe it was just a sense that I could fix him.
He would leave for days on end. Not go to school, not even phone me. I would cry and cry. I
thought that he would change for me. But of coarse he would rather smoke weed and drink.
When he came back he expected me to be happy and love him... sadly I would. I'll never forget
the lines he said to me.

"Baby, why do you do these things to me I love you, won't you change for me?" I would cry.

He replied so serious, "It is too hard for me to be good. Being good to you is easy. But
for me... its hard."

I looked at him in disbelief. Thinking 'What kind of retard can't be good?' But still I stayed.


    One night, I was talking to him on the phone and his sister came in his room and
started yelling like always. He got fed up and threw the phone at her and then I hear her
scream bloody murder. He gets back on the phone breathing heavily.

I yell, "What the hell was that?"

He replies, "She got a beating like she deserved."

I ask him later on if he would ever hit me and he said no...

    Our relationship kept going on. Pretty well I guess. He started going to school and
not leaving for weeks on end. Then one day I had a bad feeling so I decided to check his
e-mail. When I checked it he had many messages from strange girls. Some e-mails with naked
pictures and some with nothing. I was so hurt. I gave him everything he could ever want
and he still goes looking for other women. I was at school when I saw this so I decided to
call him from school and tell him it was over.

"Its over. Your a lieing cheating bastard!"

He replied, "Those weren't anything. I swear. I thought she was a guy. Lets just talk when
we get home."

"No. You are such a damn lier. I am done with you!"

    So the rest of the day was kinda better to me. I walked around feeling so much
happier. When school ended I rode the bus home and talked with one of my ex's that lived
right behind me. He ended up walking me home becasue it was raining. When I arrived at my
house I saw my boyfriend that I just broke up with staring at me through his curtains at his
house. I told my ex to come in for a second. We talked for a little longer and I gave him a
kiss good-bye. Why a kiss I really don't know. I guess it made me feel better to know that
he was there.

    Then, the phone rings. It was him...my boyfriend.

"What the fuck was he doing in your house!"

Me- "It doesn't matter "t" were aren't together get over it."

Bf- "What the fuck was he doing? Did you do something with him?"

Me- "Well as a matter of fact I kissed him. OK!!"

    Then phone slammed down.

Then there was a loud banging and kicking at the door.

My heart raced. I had no clue what to do. I walked slowly to the door.

bf- "Open the fucking door now!"

Me- "No, your going to hurt me!"

Bf- "I promise i won't just open it."

I unlock the door and before i even get a chance to open the door I see a hand coming striaght
for my neck.

He wrapped his hand around my neck and he lifted me off the ground and held me against the
wall with one hand.

He screamed, "What the fuck did you do?!"

I couldn't breathe or even talk. Then he let me go and I fell to the floor. Tears were
streaming down my face. I couldn't even stand up. I crawled to my room that was about 5 ft away.


He followed me. Screaming.

He searched around my room as if he was looking for something. I yelled at him to get out
he said no.

Then out of no where he came back towards me and grabbed me by the neck and held me down on
my bed and said,

"I could kill you and rape you right here, and you want to know something. No one could
even help you!"

The look in his eyes was horrible. I honestly thought I was going to die. Then he let go.
The phone was ringing. I ran to get it and it was my neighbor. She said she saw him run
over and asked if i was ok. I told her no and to help.

He told me to hang up so I told her sorry and hung up.

He then planned on stealing my fathers car which was in the garage. He ran out to the garage
and started the car. I stood between the car and the car door. He kept slamming the door on
my leg trying to get me to move. But then he ran after me so I ran back inside. He also hit
garage door button to open the door.

    He ran to the Kitchen and grabbed a knife.

He was going to cut off his ankle monitor.

And since i care soo much I held his arm and told him not to.

He then grabbed me by the neck again and held the knife up like he was going to stab me.

He said, "If you don't get the fuck away I will stab you."

So I backed the hell off.

He then stopped and ran back out to the car and started it. I ran out to stop him and slipped
and fell on oil that was in the garage.

Then, i saw my neighbor. He was walking out to his truck. I thought that maybe he was coming
to help me but he didn't even notice. So i screamed!

"Help me! Help me!"

My neighbor turned and looked at me.

My boyfriend hopped out of the car and ran towards me. I saw his fist clench and it was
headed right for my face. I turned as fast as I could so he wouldn't break my nose.

Then I felt what felt like a brick hit me in the back of my head. I flew into the grass and
then he got into the car as if to back up into me.

My neighbor came running over to get me and then grabbed me and took me into his house. All
I can remember thinking was



 'I thought he loved me'