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angeleyes62580

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It was three in the morning when I sat up in bed, recalling each moment of the dream, I had been there on the ground sitting with him beneath the trees and he was holding me and talking with me. I felt great just being back in his arms. I felt at long last peace and comfort, I had missed him with every fiber of my being since his death in 1996. Most would find this disturbing; dreaming this dream after nearly eleven years had passed. I have had the same dream every year on the fourth of July since his passing so to me that was not disturbing however the last words that were spoke before I open my eyes and  sat straight up in bed. I have found disturbing to say the least. Those words spoke were " Tell The Story." I can only guess and hope that I am right  and tell for the first time our story and the secrets he told me one summer long ago.

It was july 3rd 1996 and I was packing my clothes and personnal items, I going to spend some time with my Grandparents while my mother and her boyfriend were going on vaction. I Had some pretty hard things happen over the course of a year and a half and was having a hard time adjusting to aftermath where life was to go on. I had asked to remain back with my grandparents instead of spending two weeks traveling the country with my mom and her boyfriend whom I did not really like or get along with to well. I was usually forced into these family situations so I was rather surpised when my mother agreed to let me stay with my grandparents. To me this seem like a break I was well in need of. I need to get my head back on straight and do some major soul searching.

"Amy you have a phone call" my mother yelled though the closed door. "who is it mom " I called back. "It's Dean dont you think it's time to handle this" mom answered as she handed to me the cordless phone. I nodded my head and took the phone, I had been avoiding his calls since my birthday when it seem like he was to sick to go with me to lake but not to sick to be seen an hour later with two young girls kissing in front of the post office down the street. I guess if I was going to start getting my life back in order this would be the start.

"Hello Dean I said into the phone. "Hi where have you been girl? He asked. "I have been here at home" I said. "But I have tried to call you serveral times this week and your mom said you were out so whats going on" Dean asked. "I have been home just not talking to you Dean" I said. "okay so your mad right? How about you come over here and talk to me and work this thing out snookey" Dean teased. "No how about you stop calling me  that and go to hell" "Or how about you explain to me how it was that you were so sick that you could not go to the lake with me on my birthday but could well enough to be kissing on two girls by the post office that I would love to hear the answer to" I yelled into the phone.

"  I ah well damn girl so you are more then a little mad, I was being stupid alright those girls they dont mean any thing to me you know you are the girl for this boy common on you know I love you why dont you come over here and let me show you how much this boy loves you girl." Dean replied then added " you know you are my girl". "No Im not coming over there and I am not your girl any more either that ended with this call dean" " In fact Im done with you so why dont you go and call your two girls and show them how much you love me player" I screamed into the phone and hung up. I turn to my mother who was standing there listening to the events that had just unfolded. "I'm ready when you are" I said as I walked into my room and grabbed my bags. I could not wait to get away from here and all that went with it.

As mother and I drove out the long country road that would take us to my grandparents home, I stared out the window and thought about all the things that had gone so wrong. It was Jake whitley that first broke my heart, he was my first every thing, I met him when I was just a freshman in High school and we started dating that fall, it was Valentine's Day  when we got engaged and for a while every thing was near perfection but that soon fell apart near summer when I caught Jake cheating for the first time. I forgave him the first time but by the time the third time rolled around I had enough and thats when  I walked away for good .

 After that I have had not much luck in the relationship department, my next semi serious relationship was with some one I consider a best friend and was going good until he took  a semi serious relationship and shoved it violently into serious when he proposed to me  one march day. I freak out shortly after that and broke it off with him. I met Dean around the same time, we took things pretty slow and as the relationship progess things got more serious and it was not to long before school letting out that I learn to trust him and let my defense down. Little did I know on my sweet sixteen Birthday I would catch the snake with those two girls and finish crushing what was left of my damaged heart. I could be certain of one thing and that was love was the source of the biggest pains and If I hope to accomplish any thing it was time to put all that on the back burner for a while. I just could not afford another broke heart nor did I want to  so I thought what better time to focus on my studies and putting my life back together besides there is plenty of time for boys and love later in life maybe by then I'd find some one better.

My heart nearly sang with joy as I seen the old white house appoarching, I had never been happier to see that big green pine tree. Freedom at last and I knew excately what I was going to do even the first night. I went into the house and carrying my bags upstairs and put them into the guest room then hurried back down to kiss my grandmother hello. My grandparent and mother got into a conversation about the vaction plans so I was able to slip out to the back porch  and took the seat in the middle of the three chairs. I laid my head back and closed my eyes and I breathed in the fresh country air. I knew I need to think and plan things out but tonight I just wanted to relax , rest and not think of another single bad memory or time.

I must have been out there for an hour before my mother came out to say that she was leaving. we hugged goodbye and I went into the kitchen with my grandmother and sat down at the little kitchen table that start in the middle of the kitchen floor. We talk about my life at home and the difficulties I was having adjusting to mother new boyfriend.We also talked about school and some of the people I had made friends with since I moved back to Maryland. It was over Ice cream that we talked about what I hope to do once school had let out. I was growing tired and excused my self to go bed. I went into what was to be my room during my stay here and grabbed my night shirt and tooth brush and walk down the hall and around the corner to the bath room and got ready for bed. After I had finished brushing my teeth I went back down the hall to my room turn the lights off and walked around the bed to the window and gazed out at the stars.

It was a very beautifully clear night and the stars were high and bright, and the world seem to calm and peaceful. I did what I have done since I was seven years old and said " I wish I may, I wish I mite I wish to have the first wish I wish tonight" "I wish that some day to find some one that will love me for whom I am" "I wish that person to be kind and gentle and loving." I then walked over to the bed got down on my knees and said my prayers, climbed into the bed and closed my eyes and fell into the deepest sleep I had slept in going on two years.

I woke up early the next morning and jumped out of the bed, I felt really good, better then I had in a long time. I  hurried down the hall to change and get ready for the day, this was not just any day but my favorite holiday Independence day. As hard as I tried I could not think of one bad 4th of July or memory for this day. I picked out a pair of blue jean shorts and a tank top as I knew it was surpose to be a hot day this year. I quickly brushed my hair and did my make up and ran downstair to join my grandparents at the table for a bite to eat. Nan and pops was sitting at the table each reading a section of the local news paper as I descended the final steps to the Kitchen. " good morning nan and pops" I sang with a smile. "good morning Amy" nan said returning my smile. I sat down at the table and grabbed the box of life cereal as nan sat a bowel in front of me and handed me the milk. "Did you sleep good" Nan asked. "Yes better then I have in a while nan" I replied taking my first bite of cereal.

After I finished up my cereal I helped nan clean up the dishes , then I headed out to sit on the back porch with my poetry notebook. I sat down in the middle chair as I did the night before and looked over the banister at the site before and it took my breath away. There was a long strech  of grass leading away from the house that was broken with a small creek. There was a small wooden bridge over the creek that lead to the small garden that was border by the thick forrest  hillside. This morning the sun was just starting to peak though the trees and the birds were busy looking for food and singing thier lovely tune. I had been at a poetry block since Jake and my break up and I thought if any thing would be my new inspiration this would have to be it.

I must have sat there for over two hours looking over the landscape and running different ideas for a poem though my head before my cousin Brandon came out and sat down beside me. I decided to take this time for a small break before my head exploded." Hey sleepy Head" I teased. "hey" brandon replied as he yawned. I reached over and took a cigerette out of my pack and lite it. " You are going to get lung cancer from that you know" Brandon teased as he took and place a chew in his lip. "yea and your lip is going to fall off" I teased right back.  we sat there all afternoon talking and teasing back and forth only stopping for lunch then we were back out there once again. It was nearly two o'clock when the hair on my hair started to raise up and my heart seem to take off like it was going to pound out of my chest. I had been in mid sentence when out of the corner of my eye I seen a shadow appoarching the stair to the porch.

* NOTE* Some Names have been Changed to protect the individuals ~

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