Gift or Curse?

Ok i have been thinking alot about how people say being adopted is such a gift and blah blah blah. don't get me wrong i feel very blessed by the family  that i have. but with all that aside.....isn't it more of a curse than a gift? so many adoptees are out there in the world searching for answers. any piece of the puzzle that may help them figure out who they are or why they are who they are. So many lives are damaged and so many insides are haunted by the curse of the unanswered. people have told me...oh you were probably so much better off because you bio mom could have bben on drugs or this or that.... well thank you genius for pointing that out. why don't you put more unanswered questions in my already overloaded mind. people will think what they will about me and i really don't care. i am a strong willed, hard headed individual. i love my lord jesus christ sand i know he sent me here for a reason. i know i was adopted for a reason. i know i am going through this torture for a reason, and someday all thoose answers will be answered, but until then i have to figure out how to get through the pain. it is like a constant nagging in my head. sometimes i seriously wonder if i have a metal illness or is it just me driving myself crazy.

i went through 20 years of my life with only knowing me as my only blood relative. I had my first daughter and i would hold her and cry and cry and think this is the first person i have met that is a blood relative to me. wow someone i can relate to. i have 3 girls now. they are my life. they are everything to me. i love my husband too but my girls are the only thing i have that is a part of me.

when i did  the newscast thing the reporter asked me what would happen if i never found my bio family. I said that would be ok, I wouldn't e any less of a person. well... I don't agree with that now. i am never going to stop looking. i will die before i stop looking. no i am not going ot be any less of a person, but i will never be whole