Pain

Adrien walked me to my front door, just like he did every Friday night. We stepped out of his same silver Jetta, walked up the same paved sidewalk, even heard the same noises we always did- Mrs. Carsons chiuahua yipping down the street and Hannah Montana blasting out my seven-year-old neighbor's window. The newly green grass in my front yard was a little outgrown, garnished with a thin layer of haze left my the rapid temperature drop from evening to nightfall. As Adrien and I paused on my front porch, an icy breeze blew past us, causing my arms to prickle. Yes, on the surface everything seemed the same- but inside I knew that, after tonight, nothing would be.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Adrien's warm hands wrap effortlessly around mine. My stomach lurched, but I knew exactly why- and it wasn't because I was ill. "Tell me again... when you're leaving," I almost whispered, keeping my eyes shut. I held my breath waiting for his response, hoping that, for some reason, it would be different this time.

"Tomorrow," he choked. My eyes flew open and looked into his- brown, deep brown eyes, glistening with agony. The only way I couldd hold back from crying was to look down at my shoes- the same worn purple converse that I wore every Friday.

"What... what are we going to do?" I asked, knowing that there wasn't much we could. His mom was the vice president of a record company that was moving its base to China... China- all the way on the other side of the world. There was no way you caould get any farther than that. Adrien let out a long, shaky sigh, then hesitated.

"I think we'll have to... break up." Suddenly, I felt a jolting pain, as if someone had stabbed me in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. My head shot up, searching Adrien's face. It was there, but blurred. The pain then throbbed and ached, vowing to feel anything, anything that was negative.

"I don't want to do that," I whimpered, not caring how pathetic I might sound. When I blinked, tears spilled over my eyelids, clearing my vision. I could see Adrien's face, his thick, chocolate brown hair... his agonized expression that seemed to mirror mine. He shook his head slowly.

"Neither do I." Leaning forward, I buried my head in his chest, allowing myself to sob. He held one hand on the small of my back, raking his fingers through my hair with the other. I cried into him for awhile, occasionally feeling a tear land on my scalp.

I tilted my head back slowly so I could look into his eyes, my nose almost touching his lip. "I love you," he reminded me before I could say it. More tears formed, but I didn't look away.

"I love you, too," I whispered, my voice broken and shaky. Adrien closed his eyes, a heavy tear rolling down his cheek. He tilted his head down, and just as I closed my eyes, I felt his lips press softly against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer, never wanting to let go. He pulled away, gently kissing my forehead. At that, we both let go, except his hand interlaced with mine.

He held it as he began down the steps, squeezing it once before finally letting go to head toward his car. I had never watched him leave before, but I imagined it looked the same now as any other time. With his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, he made his way back down the concrete, carefully stepping over the large crack that would have otherwise sent him tumbling to the ground. I watched as he climbed into his car, and I watched even as he turned off my street. I stood in place with soles of lead, my body numb to every feeling. Almost every feeling, for as I stood still and thought of nothing but each tear that hit the ground, every part of me- my cheeks, my nose, my fingertips, my legs, my toes- began to tingle, easing into a hot, scorching burn.

As I watched Adrien leave that Friday night for the very last time, all I could do was surrender, and let the pain consume me.