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alday4

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The next few days I didn’t even go on the computer.  My phone had died.  And my myspace stayed unchecked.  School became easier because I had more time to spend studying or even doing my homework which hadn’t been done before when I was busy on the computer or talking to Justin.  Although I seemed to have a lot more time on my hands I was miserable as hell.  All I could think about was weather Justin was okay.  I wanted so badly to just pick up the phone and call him to see if he was okay but I was afraid that if I called him he would just ignore me.  I hate being ignored.  It’s like I need attention.  I need to be noticed.  Once not that long ago I pretended to faint to get attention from my mom.  It worked.  She thought I was dead.  She had called 911 and had an ambulance bring me to the hospital.  I was fine really.  I sort of feel bad about it now but not really.  I’m a lier, it’s what I do.  I have no conscience for other people’s feeling but my own.  Or maybe I do.  Well now I do.  With Justin god I love him so much.  Maybe if he was away from his step dad and here with me everything would be okay.  Me and Justin, Justin and me.  No. No. No.  He is gone out of my life for good, might as well just forget about him.  He’s like a bug on the wall, unimportant.  AWWWWW what the fuck.  He is important though, I love him.  I have never loved anyone before.  Never even had a crush on some one.  Never had feelings for anyone but myself.  And then he comes into my life and ruins everything.  Everything.  He’s such a dick.  Yes, a dick with a big dick.  Oh did I tell you he sent me pictures?  Hmmm.  Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.  No.  I have to forget about him now.  Right now.