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alday4

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Later didn't come fast enough for me.  I paced back and forth in my tiny kitchen waiting for Justin to call me back.  I wanted to tell him how I felt.  Or maybe I don't.  I don't know but I do want to hear his voice.  I do want to talk to him.  I want to tell him I love him, but I am afraid that he doesn't love me back.  He probably doesn't either, he barely knows me.  For christ sakes he doesn't even know my real name.  I want to tell him,  I want to say I am sorry for lying.  I want to tell him everything. I want him to understand and I want him to forgive me.  I want so many things from him.  I want his love most of all.  I want him.  Justin.  The most wonderful person I have never met.  I want-  I can't finish the thought because my cell phone vibrates in my hand and I quickly answer it hoping it's him.

"Hello Justin?"  I say urgentally hoping it's him.

"No, Dani it's me kim I was just wondering what the homework assignment was for Algerbra?"

"oh page 87, problems 18 through 64."

"Thanks, yea who's this Justin, someone I should know about danielle?"

"Mind your own bussiness kim."

"oh that's nice, I thought we told eachother everything, so much for best friends." she said this sort of mockingly,  I knew she was teasing me but I still got incredabally angry at her.

"you know what kim, leave me alone I really don't want to talk to you right now, your getting on my nerves."

"yea well what ever bye."

she hung up and I started pacing again around my kitchen.  Waiting. and waiting Until I finally gave up on waiting for him to call me.  I punched in his number which i had memorized, and waited for him to pick up his phone.  After about 8 rings I hung up and figure he isn't going to answer his phone.  I keep telling myself everything is okay but I don't Feel like everything is okay, but since I don't Know for sure I have to stay calm,  I have bigger problems then worrying about something that is probably no big deal.  Like my d in Geography or my cheer compition next week. 
 

yea I should be worrying about things that matter.  I really need to stop this whole "cybervixen" thing.  I need to get my life back on track.  My grades have slipped, and my focus is drained.  I need to take a vacation.  But what about my clients?  How will they feel if I just leave?

 I should have never even started with this, this lying. I can't even rember when I started this, no wait I do.  It was at my "End of the year party"  in sixth grade i think or maybe seventh but what ever.  It's all Emily's fault if it wasn't for her making me a myspace, faking my age, posting my pictures, and leaving me alone for myself in cyberland.  My profile was public, my pictures could be viewed by anyone and at such a young age it was easy to get happy over every "your hott" comment.  I could have easily just deleated my profile but I soon got addicted to checking my comments, and finding a comment from some hot guy telling me I was sexy, it flattered me.  I wanted it everyday, to feel wanted.  But soon myspace was getting a little boring, oneway confersations really.  I hated WAITING for some one to respond to a message and soon discovered the glories of Instant messaging.  and cybering.

I was good at it too, cybering that is.  I easily got into it.  Turning guys on with my Pictures and making them cum (or so they said) to my stories of incredabal sex.  I can even rember the first guy I cybered with, Tyler.  The emo bi guy from colorado.  He wasn't really that good looking but I've seen worse.  I rember this one time he had me pretend I had a vibrator and shuv it up his ass, since I was young,like, 12, I was like "what the hell".  It was sorta acraward after that.  We really don't talk much anymore.  I sort of miss him, he was nice, I guess it comes with liking the same sex.  I thought it was cool, him being bisexual and all he even had a boyfriend.  I thought it was cute he seemed so in love.  Tyler was really the first person to get me into lying, although I didn't lie to him I don't think, but I discovered that for some strange reason guys LOVE bi-girls.

Although I am not bi, really, it's cool when a guy gets super duper horny when you tell him that you'll have a 3-sum.  It's kind of pathetic really,  I laugh at it now, rembering the first guy I told I was bi.  Travis, or as I like to call him "Texas".  This 13 year old boy from, you guessed it, Texas.  Of course when I started Instant messaging him he wasn't 13, and neither was I.  He was 16, had a car, and was going to drive up and see me in the spring.  I was 15, bi and compleatly a bad girl.  I could tell that he was the type of guy who liked a girl with a bad sad, a girl who could cause alot of trouble and soon my lies got huge.  I was blowing up my teachers cars with firecrackers and smokin' pot in the girls bathroom.  Leaving my mark on every stop sign and preppy girls face all over the state of New Hampshire.  Now that I think of it I havn't really talked to Travis in a while, maybe like a year or so, he should be almost 17 now, just like me.

I miss those guys, but I also kind of despise them for getting me hooked on my job.  I wish I had never met them really but then again they give me things to do when I am bored.  But if I had never met them I wouldn't be here, worrying about some guy I don't even know. Some guy I think I love.  Some guy who- just sent me a txt message.