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alday4

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For the next few days I tried to forget about what I had heard over the phone.  I tried calling justin after that, but no one answered.  I tried logging on to AIM but he wasn't ever on.  I paniced; I don't know what happened to me; I hadn't been on the computer for four days and when I finally did go back on I forgot everything about most of

my clients. 

Greenivy6: Hey why havn't you been online lately, is something wrong?

Alday4: No just been a little busy

Greenivy6: with what?

Alday4: just work and stuff

Greenivy6: I thought you didn't have a job.

Oh did I tell him I didn't have a job.  why would I even do that?

Alday4: I just got one

Greenivy6: but I thought you said that you wanted to focus on your school work and you didn't have time for a job.

Alday4: I need the money

Greenivy6: Oh ooookaaaay

Alday4: yea

Greenivy6:  so where do you work?

ummmm hmmmmm I don't know I guess I should work somewhere I could be ummm I I don't know

Alday4: The airport

Greenivy6: oh that's cool what do you do?

ummmmmmm

Alday4: I am training to be a flight attendent

Greenivy6:  that's really cool

Alday4: yea I have fun doing it

Greenivy6: it just seems weird since your going to school to become a teacher,  why would you wanna work as a flight attendent?

What the hell I don't know.  I just don't know. I can't do this.

    Alday4 has logged off at 1:06 PM

What's going wrong with me?  I never just log off with out saying good bye.  I never just leave one of my clients.  A tear falls down my cheek, then another, then more and more,  until there is a puddle of salty tears on my laptop.  I can't handle this,  What if Justin is hurt?  and why should I care?  I have met people who were abused by their parents,  I didn't give a shit about them.  I'm not the type of person who actually cares about people.  Why do I care what happens to someone I don't even know?  I can't stand feeling sad,  I can't handle not knowing,  I can't handle this.  I run up the the stairs, two steps at a time.  I run into my bed room and throw myself on my bed, crying my eyes dry.  The most tears I have ever cried before.  I cry and cry until I am inturupted by a knock on my door.  The distinked sound of my older brothers knock.  I tell him to go away but of course he insists on letting him in.  I wipe under my eyes and look in the mirror to make sure my eye make up wasn't running down my face and then walk over to my door to let Frankie in.

He was Pointing a phone at me looking half drunk.  I must have not heard the phone ringing with my door closed.  I took the phone from him and quickly closed my bedroom door as I put the phone to my ear.

"hello"