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VelvetJuno

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“VELVET!” It’s my grandmother. She’s already in the car, waiting. The last thing I want to do is step outside the door. I can picture the day ahead of me. My mother’s like stranger to me, a child, a monster from my past. I hate these days, visiting her. I get in the car anyway.

            “Wear your seatbelt!” Grandpa always says.

            The front desk awaits and grandma sits in the lobby, her emotional support only reaching so far across the scope of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law rivalry.

I ask for my mother. They lead me back to the same “happy” place. Yeah, right.

“Visitor time!” The nurse is cheery. Mom stares blankly at my pale face. I know she recognizes me. Is it the medication she’s on? What’s wrong with her? Everything used to be just fine. Some days, she’d cry at the window. She tried to kill herself. I only know because Dad told me after he left. She tried to kill herself and didn’t succeed. Why didn’t I know about this? I never know anything. I’m in the dark. I want to throw myself against the floor and act like a four year old again. She smiles at me.

“Velvet.” She seems happy, for now. She holds out her palm as I sit down next to her.