Created By

UPTmrscarter93

Rate this Story

Embed

He came and answered the door wrapped in a towel.

“What you decided to come anyway, huh? I knew I had you hooked.” he teased.

“No, you got it all wrong, nigga I got you hooked,” I said.

“It’s alright. I respect the fact that you don’t want gimme none right now, for awhile, but uh, I like my pussy extra tight, so I ain’t gon’ bust you open tonight aiight?”

“Stop talking like that, if you don’t want me to leave…” I threatened.

“Of course I don’t want you to leave… You can go in the room and lay down or whatever, I’m finna go hop back in the shower for a minute.”

“Alright…”

I waited until he tapped me on the ass, then I went to his room.

The TV was on, and it was a porn flick that Sho was watching.

“Oh my Gosh!” I exclaimed.

I quickly turned the TV off.

What the fuck is he lookin’ at that shit for? I thought. He’s so nasty.

I sat on the edge of the bed and accidentally sat on Sho’s phone.

“Shit!”

I lifted up and took it from underneath me.

Hmmmm, I thought.

Now usually, I’m not one of them scheming hoes that try to catch a dude in the act of a wrong, but Sho was in the shower, and this was my open opportunity to see if there was…. Well something to see.

So I flipped his phone open and searched through his contacts.

Nothing but girls’ names.

“ Adrienne, Amy, Angel, Ashley, Brandi, Brittany, Chanel, Cristal, Denise… oh, that’s whatsup…” I said to myself. I really wasn’t trippin’ though, just to let y’all know.

But I did keep strolling, believe that. All the way to the S’s. “ Shaneka? Oh, delete that. Shanell, another one? Shannon, Shelia, Stephanie? Wooowwww. And not one time did I see Celicia….”

As I continued my search, his phone actually went off. The name read Tamara. I answered it, too.

“Hello?”

“Hello?” she said, with a trace of unsureness in her voice.

“Who is this?” I asked.

“I called for Sho. Who is this? Who you is to Calvin?” she questioned.

Just then, he walks in the room fresh out the shower.

“Ask him,” I told the girl over the phone.

And I handed it over to Sho.

“Hello?” he yelled through the phone looking at me angrily.

I looked right back at him, not phased one bit…

I could hear the girl fussing at Sho through the phone.

“Man, don’t call me like that, who the fuck you think you is!” he yelled. “don’t be fussing at me like we had some deep shit going on, matter fact bitch, delete me out your fuckin memory, you think you runnin’ shit, calling my phone disrespecting me? Disrespecting my girl???! Fuck You!”

CLiCK!

He hang up the phone with the girl. Then he turned it off and put it in his drawer.

“Sorry about that love.” he said.

He sat down and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

I moved it away…

“I deleted Shaneka’s number from your phone…” I said.

“Alright… But you mad at me?” he asked.

“No, I’m not tripping, you already know how it go. But I’m pissed off. How my number ain’t in your phone???”

“Girl, you want search my shit and don’t even know how… your number is in my phone, it’s under a different name…”

“Which one? ‘My Bitch,’ ‘Dat Hoe,’ or ‘Headbuster’?”

He looked at me and had the audacity to laugh.

“What, that shit ain’t funny Sho. That’s ridiculous.” I yelled.

I crossed my arms over my chest.

“No, you not under none of that, fuck them… you want see where your number at, look under the T’s…”

“While I’m at it, I’ma delete Tamara…”

“You could delete every name that sound like a girl if you want to.” he said.

He handed me his phone. I didn’t delete no numbers, I was expecting him to do so.

I scrolled all the way down until I saw one particular name under the T’s that caught my eye and curiosity.

“The Love Of My Life,” I said outloud.

I pressed the OK button to view the number. I looked at Sho with my eyes lit up.

I closed his phone and trough it to the side. It was my number.

“Uh Huh. That’s what you get for being nosey… I oughta punish you for that…” he said.

“Punish me? How?” I asked

“Oh you know how,” he said.

He sat back next to me on the bed.

“I’m leavin’ if you try something stupid, Sho.”

“Naaah, you ain’t goin’ nowhere if I did try…”

He pinned me across the bed and climbed on top of me.

“C’mon Sho… Stop it.”

He started sucking on my neck, and that was about all. But just that was turning me on like crazy…

I wrapped my legs around his waist, and my arms around his shoulders.

He was sucking on my neck so hard that I was trembling. He was tryna get me to fuck, but I really didn’t want to, because I felt like it was all we were doing. But I couldn’t help it…

“C’mon, Sho, you gotta get off me now.” I said.

“C’mon, bay, it’s aiight, just let me do this one more night… you punished, remember?”

I laughed to myself silently…

“Wait, Sho… I gotta use the bathroom…” I lied.

He licked me underneath my earlobe, making me tremble, then he slowly climbed off of me…

“Don’t keep me waitin’, love.” he said.

“Okay…”

I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and leaned my head to the right.

On the left side of my neck, Sho left me with another big, red, fresh passion mark.

“Dang, Sho!” I complained.

Nothing would be able to hide that bad boy. It was bigger than any passion mark I ever had before, and the size of it would make it impossible to hide, unless I wear turtle necks or some shit like that…

A little disappointed with the “vampire bite” Sho left me with, I walked back in the room, trying to look angry…

“What’s wrong love?” he asked.

“Look what you did!!!!” I yelled showing him the huge passion mark on my neck.

He laughed at me.

“I’m sorry, Cee, love…”

“Yeah, sure you are,” I teased.

“You know you like that girl, so stop stuntin’ on a nigga.”

He kissed me on the lips.

“Oh. Um, Sho… I think I’ma go home now,” I said.

“Why?” he asked. “Look, I told you that I ain’t gon’ try to make you do nothing you don’t want do Cee, why you want leave so sudden???”

“Because, for some reason, I just wanna go… just for now though.”

“So… we not fuckin’?” he asked.

“No Sho!” I yelled, getting disgusted at the fact that that was all he was focusing on.

“Gon’ tell a nigga ‘no’ huh? With a ass so fat.”

“Shut up.” I said.

“Alright…” he said.

“So, I’ma just go, and I’ll see you tomorrow, or I’ma call you. Sho we need to spend more time with each other…” I said.

“Alright love… C’mon, let me walk you to the door.”

He got up, and grabbed me by the hand…

“Wait, my stuff…”

I grabbed my purse off of the bed, and then Sho led me to the door.

“You sure you ready to leave? I don’t want you to go.” he said. “Stay here bay, please… stay here…” he begged.

“I’ll go with you to the Bronx this weekend, but you gotta let me go,” I said.

“Alright…”

I gave him a hug…

“Wait, where my kiss at?”

He grabbed me into his arms closer and tighter.

“OW, Sho, too tight!” I whined.

He bought his lips to mine and gave me a long, deep, kiss.

“I love you.” he whispered in my ear once he released my lips.

“I love you, too…”

We kissed once more, then I went bout my business, back to Laura’s house.

I called her on my cell and told her to open the door.

“What happened?” she asked. “Why you came back?”

“No reason, I just decided to come back…”

“Your brother called my phone for you…” she said.

“He did? And what he want with me? I thought I was a bitch.”

“He say he want you to come home tomorrow, that he wanna talk to you or something…. He said he kept calling your phone, but nobody answered, soooo, nothing happened with you and Sho?”

“He’s my boyfriend Laura, if we wanted to do something, we would have done it,” I said.

“Ooooh, dat’s what’s up… Well uh, your brother said he want you to call him.

“Well what did he say he wanted?” I asked.

“He just want you to call. I told you all he told me.”

“Okay, I’ll call him…”

I walked to Laura’s bedroom and called D on my cell phone.

“Hey Cee, whatsup,” he answered.

“Hey D, you wanted me to call you?” I asked.

“Uhhh, actually, I just wanted to apologize to you baby sis, because I was wrong.” he admitted. “So I’m sorry, okay…”

“Yeah, D,” I said.

“I love you, okay?”

“I know…”

“Well I need to talk to you aiight, so come home tomorrow, hear?”

“Yeah, I will…” I promised.

“Okay… bye baby girl…”

“Alright D…”

Click.

I hang up before he did.

“What he said?” Laura asked when I returned to the living room.

“He said he was sorry and all that nonsense. I know he sorry, but he was wrong from the beginning and he know that shit,” I complained. “And something he said he need to talk to me about something…”

“Oh, well I wonder what you gon do with that passion mark on the side of your neck… hmmm, but you and Sho ain’t do nothing…”

“We didn’t,” I assured.

“Yeah, I know…” she said.

“No, fo’real, he gave me that shit on purpose… he wanted me to stay, only so we could do it, and I think we need to focus on important shit if we tryna have a real relationship, ya know?” I said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do looovvveee Sho, but, I gotta make him know that I ain’t no object. He gon’ make me feel like the only thing he in love with is my ass…”

“Like all the rest of them nigga, huh….”

“But I know that ain’t Sho, I know with my heart that it’ s not him… or maybe like, I just wanna believe it ain’t how he rock.”

“The only way you’ll know, is if he prove it to you…”

“And he’s willing to prove…”

When I woke up the next day, it was 12 noon. Laura was up in John’s room, wide awake, watching TV.

“Girl, bout time you wake up!” she said.

“Why you ain’t wake me up?” I asked.

“You looked like you could use some rest,” she teased.

“Shut up…”

“Your brother called… and Sho called you, too. He said he want you to call him back, ASAP.”

“For what????”

“I don’t know, sweetie, he your old man.”

“You a trip, Laura.” I said. “Girl, where John ass at??? I ain’t see him in so long.”

“Bitch, who knows where he at. Speaking of John, I’ma call him later on…”

“Oh, well you gon’ come with me to my house?”

“Why?”

“Because…”

“I don’t want D to be running me out y’all house like last time, he might need to talk to you in private, girl no…”

“C’mon Laura… You know you gon’ come anyway… and you know anything D tell me, you’ll be the first to know. Because I’ma tell you, so come with me!!!” I urged.

“Alright, but I’ma pretend I’m going because I have to, not cause I want to.”

“You a retard Laura… I’m finna go take a shower, and freshen up… Aiight?”

“Girl, go head. Telling me all that like I’m a child!”

I laughed at her, then grabbed my clothes and headed for the shower.

I took a nice warm shower and hopped right out. Whatever Sho wanted would have to wait until I could call him, or see him, because I had to go see what my big brother wanted…

“Hey Laura, you ready to go?” I asked.

“Yeah…”

So we both left out the door.

“Well, if D had already apologized to you, Cee, what’s soooo important that he gotta tell you?” Laura asked.

“I don’t know, but honestly, I hope it’s not bad, or about Sho… if he found out about him yet.” I said.

“He will eventually.”

“I know, but D be trippin’ hard sometimes, Laura, and I would tell him myself, but, I know the way he would react…”

“Well, what’s the whole reason that you really don’t wanna tell D about him?” she questioned….

“I never told you Laura, but… Sho got beef with my brother…”

“What????!!!” she yelped. “ And you never told ME that Shit!”

“I didn’t know what to do Laura… it was too much too soon, and I don’t need all this stress on me, I’m too young for that shit…”

“Girl, regardless, I got your back 81/80. But what’s the whole reason they beefing for anyways?”

“I don’t know, girl…. D said Sho was shooting at him, and almost shot him… I don’t know the whole true story, but I didn’t tell you because I thought you would think it’s hypocritical…” I admitted.
“For what?” she asked.

“Because, that’s the way I feel… I feel like I’d be betraying D if I’m messing with a dude who tried to kill the only family I got…. HIM!”

“But it’s not like you knew… and since Sho knows D your brother, than maybe they’ll just squash it. I mean, Sho always in the hood, and D have any open chance and opportunity to blast his ass-”

“Laura don’t sat that!” I yelled.

“Foreal though… where the beef at? I mean, they coulda been merked each other.”

I thought to myself for a moment…

“Maybe you right, yo… but, I still don’t get it. I’m still not telling him.”

“Well he still gonna find out Cee, and you know that.”

“Yeah, but that age difference is still one of my main concerns though…” I said.

“Bitch, age ain’t nothing but a fucking number… Everybody know your fourteen, and Sho’s twenty one…. Oh well.”

“Yeah, you right about that…”

“So stop worrying yourself.”

“Oh girl… I wanted to tell you Laura.”

“About What?”

“Last night at Sho’s house…”

“What happened?” she asked curiously…

I went on and told Laura everything that happened. About how I searched Sho phone and shit, and all that. I told her about the girl who called his phone, and how she asked me who I was to “Calvin”….
“Girrlll, get the gun… You should know Sho a li’l hoe.” she said.

“Naaaah, fuck that, he know I get chased, so he would wanna chill with that. I don’t trip though. He got hoes, I got niggas… like you said, oh well.”

“That’s what’s up Cee!!!”

When we reached my house, D’s car was parked outside.

“You gon’ come in there with me, or you gon’ stay out here?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’ma just come in and hope D don’t put me out like he usually do when y’all two ‘Need to talk’.”

“Girl, D ain’t gonna tell you nothing… and you coming, cause I ain’t walking up that filthy ass hallway by myself.”

“I was coming anyway…”

Walking down the halls of St. Nick was like walking down to your execution or some shit. They were dark, dirty, and filled with rats, piss, and drug addicts. But for some reason, we all loved St. Nick soooo much. I just felt weird though because it’s been a minute since I been in my own building.

“Well, C’mon Laura, you coming in, huh?” I said, unlocking the front door of my apartment with my key…

“Bitch you don’t think I’m staying out here do you?”

I unlocked the door, and Laura beat me inside.

“Hey Laura,” I heard D greet.

“Hey D…”

I walked in and shut the door behind me.

“Hey, Cee,” he greeted.

“Hey Donovan, you wanted to tell me something, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah, uh, but, I see you got Laura over here with you…”

“You already know that I tell her everything, so you might as well tell me while i;’m over here….” I said.

“Oh, I had bought you something.” he said

He went to the back to his room.

“Girl, what you think he finna tell you?” Laura asked.
“Laura, if I knew, you would know…”

He came back and gave me a jewelry box wrapped in a pink bow.

“What this for?” I asked.

I didn’t care that he didn’t respond to my question.

I opened the jewelry box and a pair of beautiful diamond hoop earrings nearly blinded me.

“Why you giving me this D?” I asked again.

“Because, I told you I was sorry, but I ain’t feel like that was good enough. You my li’l sister, and I don’t want nobody to hurt you, so I shouldn’t be the one doing the damage either…” he preached. “But… what I wanted to tell you is good news, and bad news. The good news is that I talked to Daddy… Cee dad’s gon’ be home before next year!” he exclaimed like a child.

Even though that was good to hear, I wasn’t really happy at all. He wasn’t home now, and it won’t feel any different if he was home.

“Well what else?”

“Mama finally agreed to go to rehab too. That’s the other good news… but the bad news is… grandma still in the hospital. She real sick… The doctor said she got some kind of sickness, and she don’t think grandma’s gonna make it…”

“She’s gonna die?” I asked.

“Basically, she will… eventually.”

“But, she was just fine a few days before she went to the hospital!”

“I know Cee, but things happen like that… shit happen so sudden like that. That’s why I want you to know, that I’m here for you if no one else is… and that’s why I apologize to what I did to you because… we need each other in life, and never know how much we will…”

With tears falling from my face, I wiped the tears from my eyes and quickly got myself together…

“So, what’s this about Greg?” I asked.

“He’s coming home Cee… he’s coming home!” he said with a smile on his face. “That’s why when he come home, I want everything perfect! I want mama to be clean, and everything to just be normal.”

I looked at D like he was crazy…

“Normal?” I said. “D, we know that things will never be the same, whether Greg’s here or not, D and you know that…”

“Cee, I know that, don’t start all that… I just wonder how shit would be if things was still the same…”

“What was still the same?” I asked. “What? Greg slingin’ dope from left to right????”

D looked at me like I was crazy.

“Slinging dope huh? See that Celicia. Your mouth could really get you hurt. You get yourself outta trouble, and your mouth bring you right back into a whole different trap.”

“D, I didn’t mean that, it’s just that, you know how I feel about Greg…”

“I know Cee, he wasn’t able to do shit for me either, but he still daddy, ya digg?”

“I know D but-”

“You can’t hold that shit against him forever Cee. It’s wrong and you know it…”

I loved my daddy. Honestly, I did, but I hated him for going to jail. For being outta my life for so long, not being there… Ya know? I just wish it never happened. Yeah, I do love Greg. I still remember when he told me how much he loved me, and how beautiful I was when he got arrested the day of my birthday. I knew he cared, but he’s a stranger now. I know he’s my father, I knew he cared, I knew he was here, but I only know him as my daddy, I don’t know Greg as anything else but the father who was outta my life for so long…

“I talked to him today, too,” D said. “He told me how he got my number, and we talked about a lotta shit, too. But you know all he could really talk about? That was you…”

“Me?” I repeated.

“Yeah… and he really wanna talk to you…. He said all he could think about all the years he was locked up was you… how he wanna know how you’ve grown, if I bought you up right… and he said he know how beautiful you are. Cause he remember how pretty mama was when she was young…”

‘Well mama fucked up now’, I thought.

“When he gon’ call back? You know?”

“Yeah, he’ll call back later today…”

“Oh, well I guess I’ll come back home tonight instead of going back to Laura’s house.”

“Yeah, I think that Greg would really appreciate it if you’d talk to him. He never heard your voice, and he ain’t seen you in almost 10 years… and he love you fo’real.” he said.

“I know,” I said. “Hey Laura, you ready?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay D, thank you.” I went over and gave him a hug.

“I love you baby sister…”

“I love you, too…”

“Let me put this in your room. See ya Laura.”

I gave him my diamond earrings.

“Bye D,” Laura said.

We both left out the front door.

“See what I mean, Laura?” I said.

“What?” she asked.

“My life, I hate it… I really do. What do I wanna talk to Greg for? I don’t care Laura! Why D tryna fix shit, knowing he can’t fix anybody else’s problems! And grandma… Why is all this shit happening???” I yelled.

“Cee, don’t worry about it, just take shit as it comes. Bad shit happen out the blue like that to get you down, but you gotta stand tall like a soldier, son.”

“I know…”

“So where we goin’?” she asked.

“I don’t know… Anywhere I really don’t care…”

Since me and Chantal had that little fuss the other night, and me and Shaneka were no longer cool, me and Laura just went and chilled on the basketball court by ourselves, till the boys started to arrive…

“Hey y’all, what’s up.” Rick greeted as him, Brandon, and Arana came on the court with their basketball, ready to play.

“Hey, what’s wrong with her?” Brandon asked, noticing how sad I looked.

“Nothing ain’t wrong with me… and ask me, not Laura…” I said.

“Damn, my bad then, Cee…”

“She just going through shit right now, so y’all just chill out and leave her alone,” Laura said…

“What, you found out about Greg???” Rick asked.

“What you talking ‘bout?”

“Oh, yeah, they say he be out soon. And I heard about your Grandma, too, I’m real sorry about that Cee…”

“Yeah, D had just told me today… but how you know?” I asked.
“He told me about it…. I was chilling with George one night at his place, and D showed up looking pissed, and he said that y’all grandma wasn’t gon’ make it, and we like whoa D, slow down son… but he was hurt.”

“How you knew about Greg?” I asked.

“Everybody know that Cee. Greg still the King girl…”

“Of what?”

“We still hold your daddy down, you should be proud of that…”

“Fuck Greg. I ain’t proud of shit. I don’t know as much as you do about him… and I’m his daughter. Man, just get the fuck outta my face…”

Rick gave me a look of disgust, then he walked off with Brandon and Arana.

“Dang Cee, you mad as hell, huh?” Laura said.

“Bitch, I swear… mad ain’t the word. I’m angry, lost, and confused… like why all this shit just so sudden???”

“But, on the bright side, your daddy coming home, son… you said you don’t know him, and yeah that shit probably hurt that he wasn’t there for you, but why not get to know him when he get out?”

“I know, but, it ain’t that easy, Melph… When you talk to a person that’s a stranger to you, who ain’t suppose to be a stranger, that shit uneasy and awkward. The person you suppose to know, you don’t know nothing about.”

“I feel you, Cee, I do, but… if I was in your predicament, I would want some good for myself in a bad situation. You tryna make everything seem like its wrong for you… and I see what D saying Cee, half the time, you do it to yourself…. Now I love ya, no homo, but… ya know sometimes when you fall, you gotta pick yourself up, and you got people lending you hands, but it’s like you just wanna keep falling.”

I looked at Laura. So shocked at how she was talking, and how much sense she was actually making…

“So what, you a philosopher now, huh Melph?” I teased.

We looked at each other and laughed.

I felt a lot better now….

“You ever called Sho back today?” she asked.

“No. Thank you for reminding me though, I need to call him back, too…”

“You want go take a walk by Kelley house?”

“Naaah, I’m good…”

“Aiight, I’ma go see if Nadia home, and I’ma go ask her to come with me. You straight with me leaving you, son?”

“Yeah, you can go…”

“Aiight, Cee, see you later…”

Laura left the court…

No one else was out here but the 3 boys that were playing ball, so I figured I should just go back home, but I wasn’t really feeling like it, so I called Sho.

“Hey love, it took you long enough to call me back,” he said soon as he answered the phone…

I smiled.

“Hey Sho… Umm, what you had wanted earlier? Laura said you called.”

“Well damn, maybe I was just calling to say good morning, or I love you, or maybe I just wanted to hear your voice when I woke up this morning.”

I laughed through the phone…

“You are soooo crazy…” I said.

“But, I just wanted to chill with you today. You want go shopping today or something?”

“HUH???” I asked, confused…. No really, I was confused.

“Huh? What you mean, huh? Yeah, I said do you wanna go shopping?”

“Dang… you got it like that? That you could just come up out the blue and ask if I wanna go shopping?”

“Yeah I got it like that,” he said. “So where you at? I’ma come pick you up…”

“Where you at?” I asked.

“I’m in the Bronx…”

“Oh… well I was on the court chilling, so I’ma umm, go home, and you can just pick me up… I’ma wait for you at the front of my building.”

“Aiight, if you say so…”

“Okay…”

“Love you…” he said.

“I love you too,” I replied.

We hang up, and I left the court, heading back to my house…

God knows I hated walking up the halls of these projects alone. Day or light. I hate it. No matter how many times I’ve said it, I just hate it. Too much took place in these small, narrow hallways… I just hated it.

While I was walking up the hallway, I saw somebody stretched out across the hallway floor. It was a drug addict, and it was also my mama. Sitting on that filthy ass floor, leaning against the wall puncturing a needle into her veins.

“Mama! What are you doing!” I yelled.

I leaned over her and tried to yank the needle from her arm.

“DON’T do that.” she snapped.

I was so scared of the sound of her scratchy, unpleasant voice that I jumped back. I didn’t touch her. I really didn’t even wanna look at her.

“I thought you were going to rehab?” I asked.

“Celicia,” when she said my name, I wanted to cry. It sounded more like a screech, like she was dying… “look at me… I can’t go to no rehab baby, I can’t.”

“But what about Greg, ma, he’s coming home…”

“SShhhhhhhh….” she hissed.

Her eyes were rolling to the back of her head.

“Mommy…”

This was the first time I’d ever seen something like this in real life. But why did I have to see my mother like this? I knew at this point, she was reaching her high, so I walked off and left her there, like I never saw her in the first place…

Once I got inside, I locked the front door, and went to my room, wanting to cry, but I fought back them tears…

D was gone, and I was inside alone. The house was empty, and I hated that, too. I knew that if something happened to my granny, it would always be like this with D doing clock work on the block.

I turned on the television in my room, and stretched across the bed.

This was one of them days where I felt like going to sleep and never waking up.

But just as I was about to drift off into a deep sleep, the house phone rang.

I rushed to the living room to answer.

“Hello?”

“This is the New York State Federal Prison, you have a collect call from:”

“Greg.”

“Do you accept the charges?”

I was seriously scared, and didn’t know what to do.

“Yes, I accept.”

“Hello?” a deep, stable, unfamiliar voice came through the other end of the line.

“He- hell-lo?” I stammered.

“Is D there? Donovan Collins? I’m his father, Greg Collins, who is this?” he asked.

“Celicia.” I answered.

He gasped through the phone. There was a moment of silence.

“Ce-Ce-Celicia? My baby? My daughter? This is my daughter I’m talking to?” he said with his voice cracking up, sounding as if he would cry.

“Yeah, it’s me Greg…” I said.

I wanted to call him daddy somewhere deep inside, but I had too much pride for that. He was my daddy, but he didn’t deserve the title…

“Celicia? My baby… oh. How old are you now sweet heart?”

“Fourteen…”

“Wow. And I’ve been outta your life for 10 whole years? You know what I never got to tell you since I’ve been in jail?”

“What?” I asked.

“I’m sorry…”

A tear slowly scrolled down my face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sweetie. I’ll be home soon, and I hope to spend all the time in the world with you… I know it wouldn’t make a difference, because I already missed the days when you needed me. But if you knew how much I loved you Celicia Marie Collins, you’d understand why it means so much for me to even hear your voice,” he said. “Ya know, I still picture you as my four year old daughter, following me around the projects. You know when you was a little girl, you wouldn’t want me to go nowhere without taking you? But daddy had business to handle… and it landed me right where I am now, outta my daughter’s life. Outta your life… I remember just a few days before your birthday…

“Marie must have thought I was crazy. She use to whisper in your ear and tell you to tell me you wanted this, and you wanted that. You know, she once told you to go ask me to get you a $80,000 diamond necklace with a Minnie Mouse pendant on it? And you was only three?” he pointed out.

I laughed through the phone.

“But you got it… and your mama sold it for drugs. You was suppose to get it for your fourth birthday, the day I got arrested. Marie was suppose to give it to you. But I assume I already know what happened to it, I already know…. But enough about me, how are you?”

“Fine,” I answered.

“And how’s school?” he asked.

“It’s been good, but we released for the summer now…”

“Isn’t your birthday soon?”

“My birthday?”

“Yes, your birthday… I hope I’ll be outta prison by then… it’s not so long down the way…”

With all that was going on right now, I forgot about my own birthday…

“Yeah, I- I forgot…”

“You forgot?” he said. “How you forget your own birthday?”

“All this short notice shit-”

“Shit?”

“I-I mean stuff.. From you to moms, to grandma…”

“Your grandma. She still sick?”

“She’s dying Greg.”

“Ohhhhhhh no…” he sighed. “Your grandma’s a very beautiful woman. She cared for me a lot, even though your grandfather use to just look at me as Marie’s drug dealing husband. Your grandmother looked at me as a hard working man trying to provide for his family, and to her, I was also family…”

Dang, conversation with Greg was like being told my whole life story. This man, my father spoke with so much power, and so much strength and volubility. No wonder he use to run St. Nick. The way he described things to me that he experienced in the drug game made me think of him as a Martin King of a ghetto drug movement. He spoke with intelligence, and you would never think someone of his background would end up in prison from being a big drug lord. It shocked me even more to find out that he ran St. Nick, when he wasn’t even really from St. Nick.

He moved to St. Nick when he was 14. And he said he was real young when he entered the drug game, and he was running shit before he reached the age of 25.

“Wow, you was powerful like that?” I asked.

“It’s all because of who I knew… but looking back at that, none of it was important because look at where it landed me at… and you know the part that hurts the most?”

“What???”

“Being away from you so long… you. The only air I breathe and the only hope I see…”

I remained silent tryna fight back tears in my eyes.

“Well um, I think that the calls almost up so, will you call back another time?” I asked.

“Yes, yes I will…” he promised. “Hey…. I love you… Celicia.”

With all my might, I swallowed my pride and responded, “I love you, too daddy.”

Click.

And our phone conversation was over. I wish it didn’t have to end. Now since I actually got to talk to Greg and see where he was coming from, and that he did care, I actually couldn’t wait until he could get home from jail so I could really get to know him as my father.

As me and Sho drove our way to the mall, I remained silent the whole ride, there, and I could look at Sho and tell that my silence bothered him, because he could sense that something was wrong…

“Say love, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing, just got a lotta shit on my mind, Sho, that’s all,” I said.

“Shit like what?”

“I really don’t want talk about it right now…”

“Well, how bout we hit the mall, and you can tell me when we go out to eat dinner, aiight?” he said.

“Yeah…”

“Now, uh… I don’t know how you shop but… here you go…”

Sho pulled out a roll of money that was almost half as thick as my fist, and tossed it in my lap…

“What I’m suppose to do with this?”

“We going to the mall Cee, don’t be ridiculous. I gave you a thick ass roll of money. What else you think I want you to do with it love?”

“I know, but… this shit just crazy,” I said.

I looked up at Sho and smiled.

“I know, I feel the same way. I wonder if I’m crazy sometimes when I think about how I fell hard for you…”

“Sho you are so…. Gangsta.”

He looked at me and laughed. But I was serious. He was…

“Oh love… tell me something I don’t know sweetheart.”

While we were at the mall, I went to every possible store I could think of. Not only was I just shopping, I was on a fucking shopping spree! What else would you do if somebody gave twenty grand in cash? Yeah, I said twenty grand. I bought so much shit. I spent half of the twenty gee’s Sho gave me. I bought clothes, shoes jewelry, fragrances. All that. Anything I could think of. Any thing I saw that I wanted, I bought it…

I remember when we was in this one store, I saw a pair of heels that were $650.

“Oh, Sho, look at those!” I exclaimed as I pointed at them.

“Get ’em,” he said. “You paying for it.”

He kissed me on my neck, and of course, I got my shoes. But the thing about that was the way Sho was so laid back with me and shit, and the way he was treating me, it was just like, wow. All the bad shit that was happening in my life, he took that away just that quickly. But the whole thing about it is that, I don’t wanna feel like I’m an item to Sho. I don’t want his way of showing that he loves me be through sex, and materialistic things. I wanted to know he loved me by feeling it, mentally, because I’m truly falling for him harder and harder each day. We got each other like, whoa…

“So Cee, where you wanna go out to eat at?” he asked. “You want us to get dressed up and shit, and go to a big fancy ass place? Or you just wanna… do it plain and simple.”

“Sho… you know we ain’t gotta go nowhere all fancy and shit. I’m not none of these money hungry hoes you used to aiight?” I said.

“Money hungry, huh?”

“Yeah, money hungry,” I repeated.

“See girl. That’s why I love you…”

“I love you, too Calvin…”

“Damn, you say my real name like that, you gon’ get me kinda hard in the pants.”
“Whatever Callllvinnn….” I teased.

“See, there you go. Watch you get punished worser than you did last night.”

I laughed at him.

“You must be crazy.”

“Hey, didn’t you buy some lingerie and shit at the mall?” he asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“You gon’ come to the Bronx with me tonight?”

“I’ll think about it…”

“Cause I’d love to see you in them Vicki Secrets.”

“You is nasty Sho…. And I love it,” I said, in a enticing matter.

“You love it?”

“Yeah, I do…”

“It’s only for you, too love.”
“It better be for me only…”

“Ohhhhh daaammmmnnn, son she checking me now….”

“Yeah. All them numbers that was in your phone last night, mmm-hmm. Don’t think I forgot…” I said.

“All them numbers gone love…. Love, I promise, all that shit gone, love.”

He took his phone off its clip and gave it to me.

“What you giving me your phone for?” I asked.

“Just look through the numbers.”

“If they gone, do you really have to prove to me that they are gone?”

“Yeah, because, I gotta show you that I’m serious about you. That I ain’t on some dumb type shit. I’m tryna show you that I’m like really yours love, fo’real.”

We went out to eat at a nice little restaurant. It was really casual, not fancy, but in tip top shape though, and they food was definitely on point… me and Sho ate the same thing. Some kinda pasta type shit with garlic bread and chiken breast. It was good.
“So what’s going on Cee, baby?”

“I love when you say baby… I love your accent.”

He smiled at me. His smile was soooo beautiful. He had perfect bone structure.

“I love yours too, bay, but what was wrong with you earlier? I don’t want you to keep nothing from me, so just tell me what went down…”

“Everything went wrong so fast. Me and my brother, we made up, and now, all that he telling me, is bad shit. My grandma’s dying, my mama, she just so gone. She suppose to be in rehab and shit, but today I saw her in the hallway, in the projects, with a fucking needle in her arm! So how the hell you going to rehab if you still tryna get high?” I explained. “And to top it all off, my dad’s coming home. I talked to him today too. But I think its kinda okay that he’s coming home…”
“Wow girl… you know you a fucking diamond in the rough,” he said. “You go through a lotta shit. And I know the people you talk to and share this shit with, they probably act like they care when they could care less,” he said.

“I feel like that a lot, Sho.”

“I know what that’s like love… but like I said. You worth a lot girl. A nigga would be lucky to have you, and I’m one of the nigga that got lucky. And I ain’t gon try to lose you, girl, cause you got me caught up quick, and I love that shit… I love how when I look at you and shit, I just stare, cause you make me feel these lil butterflies and shit, ya know?”

He let out a bubbly laughter… “Girl, you got me going crazy. And like, don’t think I’m being fony, or lame, or whatever… but, I know you young and shit, and in some people’s perspectives you still a lil girl and shit. But you really make a nigga feel like a man. The shit you go through, that’s what make you the beautiful person you is, love. And I’ma be here for you, no matter what you got through, believe that…”

That night, I went with him to the Bronx. Before we got to his house, we had a few drinks and he was kind of tipsy… so he got straight in the bed when we got inside.

“Sho, get up!” I commanded. “I didn’t say I was staying!”

“No, you lay down…and I say you not going…”

He pulled me on top of him and started yanking off my clothes.

“Sho, c’mon… not right now,” I said.

“Cee, pleeeaaaaasssseeeee, you got a nigga begging girl, come on just, just please…”

“Sho. That shit turns me on,” I admitted. “But, I can’t let you right now, just for a while.”

“Why Cee? Why, love?”

“Because, I don’t want feel like I’m just a sex object to you or something, Sho.”

“You know I don’t see you that way Cee. Why would you even be rocking with me on this level if you really thought I was like that, love. You know that ain’t me, Cee.”

“I know, but. I’m a real emotional person Sho, I just want you to know that.”

“And I understand that, love. I do…”

He reached over and kissed me on the lips.

“Sho… I love you so much. I hope you never try to play me because, some dudes don’t understand, when a girl fall in love, its more difficult to let go than y’all think, and that’s why I want to make sure I know you really, really serious about me.”

“I am really, really serious about you,” he said. “What more proof you need, love?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared of you. Cause you don’t do me wrong and that’s what I expect of you,” I admitted.

“Ohhhhh, that’s how you feel?” he said. “That’s cold, girl.”

I let out a small laugh.
“I know its not you, though. You already proved that…” I said.

“Celicia.”

“What?”

“Nothing, I just love that name. its unique, and pretty, just like the person it belong to.

Celicia and Calvin. Cee and Sho. Damn, I hear wedding bells…”

“Boy you need to cut it out…” I said.

“What, you wouldn’t make a good wife?”

“No, I’d make a great wife.”
“Naaaaah, you’d make a perfect wife.” he corrected.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, but only if you my wife…”

“Wow…”

“And that’s what you looking like. You looking like wifey, foreal,” he said.

He started rubbing his hands under my shirt, and up my back.

His hands were so warm. They were soft and rough at the same time, and just his touch gave me a sensation…

“Calvin, stop,” I whined.

“Say my name again…”

I looked Sho lustfully in the eyes.

“Calvin…..” I repeated seductively.

He slid his hands up my back and unclamped my bra.

I looked down at my chest as he pulled my bra off underneath my shirt.

There was nothing I could do now. Sho knew he was my weakness and he took advantage of it….

“I love you Celicia…” she said.

“I love you too, Calvin”

“Come up out these clothes for me, love.”

“This is the last time, Sho…”

“Alright, the last time till next time… now, c’mon, you got me harder than a missile girl,” he said…

I looked at Sho and laughed.

“Don’t smile like that, beautiful, you gon’ get me even harder,” he added.

“You first, though,” I said.

“Me first?”

“Yeah, you take of your clothes…”
“Aiight, get up right quick,” he said.

I climbed off of him.

He stood in front of me and pulled up his shirt, and hit himself on his pack.

I looked up at him and laughed.

“You crazy…” I said.

“Yeah girl, that’s what you call a pack, love.”

He licked his lips, and then he slowly pulled off his shirt.

“What, you stripping for me?” I teased.

“If that’s what you want call it.” he said.

He pulled off his pants.

I pulled off my panties and spread my legs open.

Sho pulled off his boxers and climbed on top of me.

He pulled off my shirt, and we started doing it…

He went so deep inside me that it felt like everything in my body went numb.

“It’s too deep,” I whined.

But he insisted on going deeper.

It wasn’t bad though, because it felt good. Yeah, we did our thang again that night, and well, there’s really no more left to say…

That following day, Sho and I got up and we both washed up and shit, then he had to bring me back to Harlem.

“Man….” he whined.

“What?” I asked.

“This the worst part of spending time with you…” he said. “having to bring you home.”

“You gon’ see me again…”

“Yeah, but I want you to myself, I don’t want have to come way to Harlem just to see you, I want be able to wake up every morning and see your face, love.”

“I’m worth that drive to Harlem though, right?” I asked.

“You think I’d be down there every single day if you wasn’t?”

“Maybe I just got you hooked that bad.”

“Oh, believe me, you do…” he admitted.

I looked at Sho and bit my bottom lip, then I reached over and kissed him.

“I love you.” I said.

“I love you, too. And that’s real…. So, what’s this thing about your daddy or whatever?” Sho asked.

“Nothing. He’s coming home soon, but everything feel so out of place. Shit just happening so fast Sho, I don’t know which way to go.”

“Well, just take each day as it comes love. And don’t let a li’l bit of pain keep you down, yea dig?” he advised.

“Yeah, I get it, but, it’s like this… shit seems to get better, but ends up getting worse instead…” I said.

“I told you love, that’s life…”

Then while riding in a brief moment of silence, my phone went off…”

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey Cee…” It was my brother.

“Hey D, what’s up?” I asked.

“I need to talk to you, alright?”

“What now?”

“I need to talk to you, okay?”

“D, just tell me, tell me now…”

D remained silent over the phone, and at that moment, I knew that something was really wrong… and I started to worry…

“D, just tell me,” I repeated.

“Grandma…. She died, Cee.” he said.

I slammed my phone shut, hanging up on D…

With tears falling from my eyes, I held my head down to the floor so Sho wouldn’t see me cry…

“Celicia, what’s the matter?” Sho finally asked.

I looked up at him.

“That was my brother. He just called and told me that my grandma died..” I sobbed.