A Warming Ice 3

I was brought back to realization as the others in the class welcomed him in their loud obnoxious voices chanting out their halfhearted greetings. I realized I was on the edge of my desk my eyes slightly wide. I regained my self and slunk back into my seat not looking up, until I heard someone slip into the chair beside me. I tilted my head up a little to see Damien sitting beside me. “Hi, nice to see we have a class together.” He said warmly placing his backpack onto the ground beside him and pulling out his binder and pencil. “What do you mean?” I asked quietly my head slightly tilting to the side as I watched him and waited for his reply. “Oh I’m just glad I have a class with some one I, well partially know.” He said turning to give me a small smile. I couldn’t help but smile back; His eyes, his eyes, I just couldn’t refuse them. I immediately looked back down at my papers slightly blushing; luckily my hair was covering most of my face so no one would be able to tell.

“Hay Sora wait up.” I grabbed my things and began to walk faster, “damn no not again.” I thought desperately debating if I should break into a run or not. “Hay I said wait up.” A soothing voice called as a hand placed its self on my shoulder. I froze and slowly more calmly turned around. I saw him; he was slightly panting his hand still resting on my shoulder. “You know your pretty fast,” he slightly chuckled regaining his posture and standing straight up. How could I not have noticed before how tall he was he was easily 5 inches taller than me. “So why didn’t you wait when I called you?” he asked his beautiful faced furrowed with the question. “I thought you were James.” I whispered out to him. Looking down again. “Hmm whose that? A boyfriend.” He asked taking his hand off my shoulder, taking a step back and looking around. “Uh, no he’s the boy from earlier.” I said looking up at him, his gaze met mine; I quickly put my head back down. “Oh them.” He said coldly, which seemed so out of place in comparison to his actual self. “You want me to walk you to the front.” He asked looking back behind him again this time a little more concern and anger in his eyes. I looked up slightly puzzled. He saw my expression and continued to explain. “So they won’t come over and mess with you.” He said more warmly down to me from the heavens. “Oh it’s ok you-.” I stopped when I saw the look in his eyes. He really wanted to come… protect me? But why? Why was he doing this why did he want to protect me? I thought angels were supposed to destroy demons; dispose of the sins that walked the earth. “Sure” I whispered up to him. I felt his arm encircle my shoulder. I looked up at him; his eyes were set and determined as they scanned the area before us, watching for the harms that might come. I looked behind me I saw a few people staring; no absolutely glaring, despising me even more with ever step I took. I immediately snapped my head back forward, my heart beginning to pound. “Why were they looking at me? What do they want? It’s coming, it has to, not even this angel can ward off all the ones who are determined to destroy me.” I thought getting more and more panicked. “What’s wrong?” he asked I tilted my head up up, he was looking down at me worried. I swallowed. “Nothing its ok.” He frowned, but didn’t ask any further questions. “Hear have this.” He said placing a small piece of paper into my hand. I looked up confused. “It’s my phone number, call me if you get into any trouble ok.” He smiled down at me. I felt safe and warm when I saw that smile. All I did in return was nod and put the paper into my pocket. He turned and waved as he headed back towards the bus stop.

My Guardian was gone I was alone again to step back into the hell where I belonged. I walked the two miles home my head down my music turned up as high it would go I tried not to breath much, it just seemed so loud like it was going to interrupt the perfect world that the others were living, shatter their serene world, with just the annoying putrid sound of my breathing. I turned the corner into our court. I slowed my steps. I looked up at the camera, the eye that I knew he would be watching from, and now waiting for me. I came to the door and knocked. My sister opened it, and left back to the computer she had just left. I placed my backpack next to the door and slipped off my shoes. I walked quietly down the hall passing the other sister the exact copy of the other one; she glared at me as I passed. I went and pushed open the door; the stereo that had been keeping it shut slid by with the door the cord extending its self as it traveled with the door. I looked to my side, to the other smaller hall that led down to center of my small hell. I stepped forward and stumbled, I had forgotten about the cord. I fell onto the ground knocking over a small pile of CD’s. “No! No, not so soon please no.” I knew it was to late I hastened to put the CD’s back I was trembling, adding more noise as the CD’s clattered in my hands. I could hear the knob from the door that lead to the center of hell turning. I desperately crawled to the corner and curled into a ball trying to hide myself, disappear. “What the fuck is your problem!” the hand slammed into my head once again. “I’m sorry.” I chocked out. “You had better be fucking sorry how dare you break our property!” he blared out at me, kicking me up into the wall. “I’m sorry.” I said it over and over I was. I was so sorry, I was sorry. I stopped then, I just submitted to all the pain and screaming he threw at me I deserved it. I deserve all of it I cant be trusted to do anything right.

 I was outside again; I pulled out the small piece of paper. “Why can’t he see that I don’t deserve to live? What does he want?” Those questions and many others engulfed me pulling me down into my own self-hatred and despise. My father let me back in, and I hid the paper. I walked into the bathroom I turned on the shower, then slowly began to undress I could see my self in the mirror I could see the scars the bruises. I knew I deserved them all, they made me who I was they showed the really despicable thing that I was on the inside. I stepped into the shower the water burning my body, making it turn red from the extreme heat. I sat down and cried. Why? Why did they all hate me so much? Why couldn’t I be the perfect person they all expected me to be? Why did I have to be damned to this life? “I can’t take this, I want out.” I thought. I stood up and reached into the cabinet beneath the sink in the back I could see the dim outline of the steak knife that I had hidden. I reached for it, the water dripping from my body falling onto the floor, and the knife making it glisten. I pulled it out “Good, rid yourself from this world destroy the sin, destroy this despicable unwanted thing.” I went back into the shower where the water burned me again I began to press the knife against my skin it seemed so unreal the black knife in my hand and the water flowing slowly past me. “Damien.” I whispered I let my grip loosen. I wasn’t completely hated their was one person that seemed to accept me. “I want to see what will happen if I stay just a little longer. It’s not wrong I’m just living to be judged by an angel. I’m being judged and I Know I will fail, but for once I just want to feel accepted even if its for a while, and by something that will destroy me.” I thought my head starting to pound from the confusion of everything. “I’ll go on for just a while longer.” I thought feeling slightly relived, and then I thought about the hell outside of the closed door and I began to dread my decision.