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I don't need him anymore.
NonFiction
 Created on 7-31-07
 Views(47)
 Story Rating G
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I was twelve when I met Tony. It was about a month from my birthday, and I was finally allowed to go out on the internet on my own. Yes, I know, twelve years old is far too young to be out on the internet, but I've always been a little more mature than most kids my age. I quickly found an all-teen chatroom, E-Crush, and signed in. I wasn't one of those girls who went in and started begging for conversation, or begging for some kind of online sexual escapade. No, I was searching for someone intelligent to talk to, someone smart to carry on conversations with.
Tony was fifteen, an older guy, and he quickly took a liking to me. No. not a "ooh let's go have sex" liking, but a friendship. We chatted that day for a few hours, and I let him add me to MSN messenger. I figured it wouldn't hurt anything, he was a great guy so far, and there was no chance that he was going to hunt me down, I lived 10 hours away from him. At the time, I lived in a small town in West Virginia, and he lived in a small town in Indiana. I was pretty much safe. Over the next few months, Tony and I talked more and more, he began to know more about me then some people I had known for years... or at least it seemed that way.
At this point, I was thirteen, and his fifteenth birthday was approaching quickly. I felt myself falling for this kid, and he said he felt the same way about me. I was smart though, I chose not to beleive him, and luckily, I didn't allow myself to get in too deep. He soon found a girlfriend, and I found a boyfriend. We still talked, but I felt us kind of... drifting. That all changed after my boyfriend, Will, became a total ass, and messed with me. Will seemed to think that since he was 16 and I was 13 that sex was a sure thing, I quickly let him know it wasn't, and he broke up with me. That was two months of a relationship thrown away... I cried a lot, and Tony sat there and talked to me about it.
Tony began to play little mind games with me soon after that, telling me that he loved me and I was the only girl that got him, but soon after, he'd get a new girlfriend, and keep on with the mind games, but date someone else. It was complicated, but I kept talking to him. He was really beginning to break down my spirit with that, the loving and the leaving. I was his backup girl, the one he went to when he had no one else to talk to. The girl that could always make him feel better, because I loved him. I was thirteen, but I honestly believe that I loved him.
About two months before my thirteenth birthday, I got grounded from the internet, meaning I could no longer talk to Tony. It broke my heart, but I quickly found myself filling that void with friends that were actually there in real life for me. I still found myself missing him, and it was breaking my heart. It was ok though, until I found out I was moving. And where was I moving? Why... to Indiana of course. Not just Indiana, but somewhere around 2 hours away from where Tony lived. My heart was soaring.
A few months after my fourteenth birthday, we moved. I was now living in a nice Duplex in a decently developed down in Indiana, about 20 minutes outside of Indianapolis. I got my internet access back, and as soon as I signed on to my messengers, my first message was from Tony. He began talking to me excitedly about all the things he had been doing lately, and told me how much he had missed me. He told me he loved me several times at this point, and how he never wanted me to leave for that long again. He said it killed him to not talk to me every night, and he realized how much of an importance I was. His birthday was coming up, and he would be turning 17. I was excited, and I told him that I would send him a card for his birthday, and we began talking. Just like old times.
When I finally told Tony that I lived considerably closer to him, he was super happy. He talked about all the things we could do now, and how we could finally give us a shot, that we could date because the distance wasn't so horrible. I was great, I was happy, and I had a promising relationship staring back at me. He told me there was one problem, and that was his current girlfriend. The real kicker is that she lived in Maryland, about one hour from where I used to live. It amazed me that he would make a long distance relationship work for her, but not for me. I told him that, and he gave me a list of excuses as long as I am tall. I beleived him, which was a mistake, but I was fourteen, I was vulnerable, and I always saw the best in people.
Eventually him and his girlfriend split, for their own reasons, and I was there. I had my hopes up that he would ask me right after they split, however I wasn't so lucky. I waited a few weeks, and finally, a few days before the first of February, I posted an entry in my blog on Xanga. He read it all the time, so I figured it was a good way to get his attention. In it, I posted my own "personals" ad. It was long, and went on to list everything I was. All my faults, all my strengths, and in it I said I missed the security of a relationship. Finally it got through to him, and the next day, Tony asked me to be his girlfriend.
I was excited, finally, after two years, I finally had the guy I had fought for. Everything was great, I had a boyfriend, and would still have him come Valentine's Day. The twenty-first of February was our first date. My father drove me up to where Tony lived (dad was visiting friends) and Tony and I went to the movies and the arcade. Something simple, where we could be together for the first time. It wasn't awkward since we had both been talking for so long, and it was slightly magical . He made me feel like a princess that night. Our first kiss was outside, in the snow. It was amazing, and it is something I will never forget. That night when we said goodbye, we knew we wouldn't see eachother for a few weeks. We made it work through phonecalls, emails, messaging sessions, and letters.
Our next date came a few days before my birthday, in March. Once again, I went up to him, while my parents visited friends. I went to his house, despite the raging snow storm outside, and we watched movies. Tony was 17 at this point, and I was nearing 15. He was far more experienced than I was in everything sexual, but he was good enough to take things slow at this point. I had no problem making out with the one guy I had ever honestly loved. I stayed at his house that night until around 11, and at that point I finally went home. I was glowing. Everything was going perfect.
Tony and I were quickly making plans for him to come see me in April, during Spring Break. He was going to be staying at my house for three days, and we could be together. It was nearing our third month together, and my parents liked him enough, so everything was set. He came down that April, around the eighteenth, and we had a great time. We attended the Country Music Expo with my best friend, and went back to my house and watched movies and sat together until 4 each morning. However, the second day he was with us, I realized he wasn't all for moving slowly anymore. Tony wasn't a virgin, but I was. He wanted to be my first, and I wanted him to be, but I wasn't ready. I was 15 by this point. I said no several times to him, but he kept inching closer and closer, and I finally got fed up with it. I said no, and moved away from him, choosing to sit across the room rather than beside my boyfriend. This obviously offended him. He apologized, and I accepted his apology, and when he left the next day, things were fine between us.
I was still a little miffed by the situation, and quickly told my best friend the situation. Crys wasn't at all happy about it, and she started to yell about it. He was a jerk in her eyes, and she never wanted to talk to him again. See, through this whole thing, Crys had befriended Tony, but that was all ended now. She thought I should break up with him, but knew I wouldn't because I loved him. She supported me in this, but insisted I talked to Tony about our boundaries, and about how he made me feel when he didn't respect my wishes. So I did. I talked to Tony about it, but he saw things differently than I did. He thought that I was making too big of a deal out of things, and I thought I was in a position that I was allowed to make a big deal out of it. He didn't respect me, and I now knew that. I was still willing to make things work, but apparently, he wasn't.
Around late April, Tony called me while I was at Crystal's house, and talked to me. He was speaking in a rude way, that I knew was clearly there because he was with his "boys." He told me that I wasn't ready for a mature relationship, that I was making too big of a deal out of it, and that he wanted to break up with me, and go back to his ex in Maryland. I sobbed, and begged, and apologized repeatedly, but it all fell deaf to his ears. He told me he had to go, and hung up. I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't see anything. Crystal was furious at his nerve, and called him EVERY name in the book. She told me how I deserved better, and how he was worthless. She hugged me, and held me there, letting me cry it all out.
My parents were up in Tony's area at this time, visiting friends, they had chosen for me to stay home rather than go up and see my boyfriend. I called my mom crying, and told her that Tony had broken up with me, and asked to talk to my dad. My dad and I have always been close, and I talked to him for around half an hour about how hurt I was. My dad told me how special I was, and how much better I deserved. He told me I was a better person than that, and that Tony didn't deserve someone as great as me. He then went on to tell me "What kind of guy is Tony anyways, if he can only find girls over the internet?" I laughed, and agreed... see... my father had a way of putting things in persepective for me, he had a way of making me realize how much truth there was in what he said.
For the next few days I was still upset, and Tony called me several times to talk to me. He wanted me back, and made it very clear. But I knew better. I wasn't about to go back to someone who had dropped me so easily, I wasn't at all about anything like that. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, and proceeded to delete his number from my phone. I was done. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He kept trying to talk to me over the internet, and I started to talk back. We had a few conversations, but each one made me realize how much I still loved him, but I wouldn't go back to him. It was pointless. He had missed his chance.
Since then, Tony has gotten back with his ex-girlfriend. In fact, he's currently in Maryland visiting her. I on the other hand moved again, even closer to his hometown, about 20 minutes away actually. I haven't gotten a new boyfriend yet, but I'll always remember Tony. I'll always remember my first love, and I'll always remember how much of a jerk he is. The other day he sent me a message on myspace, asking me if I'd like to go get some ice-cream with him and hang out. I told him maybe... but I don't think I'll go. I don't need him anymore.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On August 1st 2007 ShazzySharon Said : | |
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In the fifth paragraph I said I got grounded 2 months before I turned 13, I need to change that to three months after I turned 13. Sorry for the mistake =) |
