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NEW STORY EXTRACTS! (Need help with name)

Creative Created on 7-8-09 Views(148) Story Rating G

Okay so these are four random extracts from a story that I have started to write, tell me what you think :)

Plus I also need your help, I haven't yet thought of a name for my story and I was wondering whether you guys could give me a hand... The basic story line is...

Theres a young girl named Alex who lives with her goverment employe father, he is a very important person I know all the secrets which could devistate the world if let out, shortly after her 18th birthday he is brutily murdered in their own house, Alex finds the body. She goes to a police station and meets the man that will soon be her personal hero, when the men who killed her father come after her for all the goverment secrets he knew she is forced to flee her rich little life and go into hiding. She is forced to travel to country to country to try and get away from these men, after having her thrid experience with one she realises it's someone very close to her.... That's all I'm giving away lol. So plesaseeee help me choose a name pleaseee :)

Extract One:

                      My wrists were suspended high above my skull, secured tightly together with his hands; his face was only inches away from mine. I refused to look into the wild eyes of the man who once was my father best friend, who had me pinned to the wall of a grotty hotel room after chasing me across the country for weeks. It disgusted me to think that the man who sat at our dinner table countless times, who had seen me in a bikini countless times, who had looked after me countless times. Was a paedophile, which was in love with me.

 

Extract Two:

                     “Because you’re Brody. You were my uncle figure”

“Well I guess you’ve realised you’re wrong. I’m not your uncle” he smiled “I’m the guy who’s kept a big secret. All the time you looked up to me, I’ve only ever wanted more then just to touch you” I made a sound of disgust “To feel you, to kiss you, to fuck you” I felt his hand slither down to my hip

“STOP IT!”

“Don’t play me for a fool Alex. I know you’ve wanted this just as much as I have” he gripped one hand around my hip pushing his fingers into it and the other holding my chin up towards his face. His face hesitated before slowly growing towards mine, his lips lingering only a centimetre away from mine. “I know you’ve been dying for a taste”

I tried to move away from his face but the wall stopped me while his fingers glued my face in a position that was easy to control “Because I know I have”

 

Extract Three:

                         The bright spotlights swiftly disappeared from us but the people were not gone, footsteps echoed through the terrifying alley, my body stiffened wanted to scream and Peter felt this. Without taking his itching finger of the trigger he moved his lips a centimetre away from mine for just a split second “Calm down and follow my lead” his lips moulded mine once more but with a little more force this time, my nerves didn’t help him relax. He slowly trailed his hand down my slide slowly then stopping at my hip and gripping tightly, this was all for the charade so I tried my best to make it look convincing. My palm which rested on his neck was now slivering up into his hair, my fingers tangling into his brown locks; this seemed to make it all real for me and it calmed him too.

 

 Extract Four:

                        I felt his eyes still fixed on me; his stare pierced my back generating a gravitational pull which yearned to drag me back. Drag me into his secure, muscular arms which will protect me from the treacherous world which is against the both of us.  I felt the fear increasing and expanding in my oesophagus ready to split open tearing me apart, taking away any chances I would have of being safe.

 

Comments

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On July 9th 2009 VivaciousVivy Said: 
VivaciousVivy i like two, its suspenseful to see what would happen next.
On July 8th 2009 kalenna4 Said: 
kalenna4 Extract One
On July 8th 2009 fresh20wo09man Said: 
fresh20wo09man uhhhh, some titles that would be cool would be: "The Daughter of International Intelligence" or "Blissful Ignorance Lost With Adulthood".....idk, im not very good with titles....hope this helped!!
On July 8th 2009 cliffumper Said: 
cliffumper i liked everything.it was cool.
On July 8th 2009 lovegurl90 Said: 
lovegurl90 well i lik number 2!!!so thats my vote!!:)
On July 8th 2009 AvengeNovember Said: 
AvengeNovember Now, THIS is the kind of story I would read. I'm already excited for it. As for names, based on the kind of story... Hmm... Something really relevant to the content. "Secrets & Lies," maybe. That seems too simple for such a complex plot. If you wouldn't mind a long title, something like, "What You Don't Know Won't Help You," might work. I'd look to song titles, like "Trashed and Scattered" or "Even If It Kills Me" or something like that.
On July 8th 2009 ShauniKimberli Said: 
ShauniKimberli Just incase the extracts don't show.

Extract One:
My wrists were suspended high above my skull, secured tightly together with his hands; his face was only inches away from mine. I refused to look into the wild eyes of the man who once was my father best friend, who had me pinned to the wall of a grotty hotel room after chasing me across the country for weeks. It disgusted me to think that the man who sat at our dinner table countless times, who had seen me in a bikini countless times, who had looked after me countless times. Was a paedophile, which was in love with me.
Extract Two:
“Because you’re Brody. You were my uncle figure”
“Well I guess you’ve realised you’re wrong. I’m not your uncle” he smiled “I’m the guy who’s kept a big secret. All the time you looked up to me, I’ve only ever wanted more then just to touch you” I made a sound of disgust “To feel you, to kiss you, to fuck you” I felt his hand slither down to my hip “STOP IT!”
“Don’t play me for a fool Alex. I know you’ve wanted this just as much as I have” he gripped one hand around my hip pushing his fingers into it and the other holding my chin up towards his face. His face hesitated before slowly growing towards mine, his lips lingering only a centimetre away from mine. “I know you’ve been dying for a taste” I tried to move away from his face but the wall stopped me while his fingers glued my face in a position that was easy to control “Because I know I have”
Extract Three:
The bright spotlights swiftly disappeared from us but the people were not gone, footsteps echoed through the terrifying alley, my body stiffened wanted to scream and Peter felt this. Without taking his itching finger of the trigger he moved his lips a centimetre away from mine for just a split second “Calm down and follow my lead” his lips moulded mine once more but with a little more force this time, my nerves didn’t help him relax. He slowly trailed his hand down my slide slowly then stopping at my hip and gripping tightly, this was all for the charade so I tried my best to make it look convincing. My palm which rested on his neck was now slivering up into his hair, my fingers tangling into his brown locks; this seemed to make it all real for me and it calmed him too.
Extract Four:
I felt his eyes still fixed on me; his stare pierced my back generating a gravitational pull which yearned to drag me back. Drag me into his secure, muscular arms which will protect me from the treacherous world which is against the both of us. I felt the fear increasing and expanding in my oesophagus ready to split open tearing me apart, taking away any chances I would have of being safe.