WhenThere Are No Whales Left, I'll Find Me A Planet

“Sometimes, I think to myself that the media is right. My arms are all twisted, my mind is a blister, and my thighs are a town where thousands of cellulite people live in lively display. They jiggle with the times as I sing the songs that get me through the day. Could you imagine what its like? Knowing that a spear through your hamburger could save a life. That a diet soda really doesn’t do anything when you order the extra large order of fries. Sometimes I battle a war with myself in the ladies room, and its quite a sight to see. I talk to myself within depths of such philosophical meaning that Socrates would crap himself in utter delight. Fat is a thing I would rather not deal with, but when standing face to face with a life of stares and giggles, surgery is all you have. Or alternate family.”

Catherine rambled to herself about her troubles every morning before heading off to a high school that despised her. Perhaps it’s the bad attitude she sets herself up with that lets her down; But lets blame it on the few extra pounds.

She saw the cup as half empty, and the world as a place of pure hate. When people smiled, she scorned. When people laughed as she walked down the hall… they were obviously laughing directly at her. Well, that’s how she perceived it. This world was a cracker jack box of cookie cutters and donut holes for the taking. She didn’t want to change her point of view, and that’s the way she liked it. And it doesn’t matter what I say or do, the innocent bystanders are still going to seem like the assassins in a society of fearful weight watchers to you.

After her intimidating ramblings in the mirror, she continues to dress for the day. Pants two sizes to big, and her dads old work shirts that flow over her. She looks at the McDonalds sign through the window and sighs in relief.

“At least they understand me.” She says to herself. “I only wish there was a way I could laugh off the hurt of the hell, the pain of the Hiroshima, the Hitler of the clan that follows my footsteps and locks down my ego. I swear they are there. The sky is falling down, and if it hits me I’ll just make it bounce back up. At least I’m good for something.”

When school begins, Catherine takes her sweet time to move to the right desk, sit down, and get comfortable. With the sourpuss look on her face, and the stick up her- ‘you know what‘. She causes a riot by being on this earth…so she thinks. Everyone hates her because of her weight…so she thinks.

I remember golden days, when all of her mind was a mystery. When the children of the brothel grew up to be business men, and the houses of women shunned the terribly thin. Interesting how things have taken a wacky turn. Through one door, and out another. Through Marilyn Monroe, and out through Twiggy.

The teacher clenched his smile, tight as a nail in steel, and waited for all the students to be seated.

Catherine tapped her nails on the desk, an rolled her eyes at the so called preppy chicks sitting and laughing in the corner of the room. In all honesty, she envied them. In all honesty, she wanted to be them…and In a crazy world, they would accept her if only she showed some self-confidence.

“It’s a crazy world out there.” She overheard someone say behind her.

Catherine, assuming they weren’t speaking to her, closed her eyes, and drowned out the noise. Every so often, she brought her hand to her chin and squeezed the chub under the hidden bone she wished would show.

“They are all betraying me. Those bastards at the lunch line. Those imbeciles with their hurtful words and their Crystal Light drinks sticking clear out of their Gucci bags, just so everyone knows that they are thin. I despise them.”

Catherine’s face stormed again, as she sank lower in the desk chair, gleaming over at the “preps” and the “jocks” all mingling together as if taunting her with unattainable fame and fortune.

She could hear the teacher ramble, but couldn’t make out the pointless errors of his ways before deciding to leave her own mind, and find a happy place. “Just like the starfish in Finding Nemo.” She would tell herself, with a rare cheery smile. Catherine had to find a happy place whenever she felt the pain of fellow humans tapping on her glass. Collapsing the sound, and dragging her down.

“how do they drag you down?” An unknown voice spoke from behind Catherine once more.

And as though she feared the abilities in her own neck, she turned with the quickness of a liberal following the yellow brick road to meet George Bush.

“Excuse me?…umm, are you talking to me?” Catherine spoke quietly with a guilty look on her face. She swore she could feel the cellulite partying under her skin with every movement. Just a dance away from an explosion into reality.

Her eyes, for once, looked up from the desperate ground trying to steal her sanity. Behind her sat a whale. The largest whale she had ever seen. Completely pale, and panting frantically.

“it’s a crazy world out there.” the whale spoke softly, staring Catherine straight in the eyes, like a sniper on an Iraqi rooftop.

“I don’t understand…” Catherine proclaimed, as she stared the whale up and down with utter mystery. “where did you come from?”

“I’ve been here for years, my child, waiting for the rain. I’ve waited for the water, and for the life. I’m not a spirit you can just throw away. The waves have not reached me, but I’m still trying. My species is dying, but somehow I’m still alive. And I’m here to tell you, it’s a crazy world out there.”

The whale coughed lightly, squinted his big eyes, and looked towards the sky. Catherine followed his glance, and spotted clouds only inches from her fingertips. Large clouds, as far as her eyes could see.

She grazed the her hands across the bottom of the cloud, and whispered to herself. “I’m not good enough for this.”

The whale, floating above everything else, flashed his dry skin in the suns reflection. “I’m not going to be here much longer, Catherine, why do you keep pushing me down?”

Catherine looked confused. As she should, being in this situation.

“how am I pushing you down?” She asked with a concerned yet suspicious look on her face. “How am I pushing anyone down? They are doing this too me, the media, the people, they scorn me, they despise me, so why should I care about anything. My weight is destroying me.” Catherine became frantic, and a staggering tear formed in the corner of her left eye. Her hands rushed to her face to hide the feeling she couldn’t understand.

“Child, you are pushing yourself down.” The whale spoke softly as he swam through the air closer and closer to the sun. Steam rose from his skin, as did flakes of reality. Catherine watched in disbelief as the whale drove himself into the sun.

As she watched him flake into an abyss, the clouds ceased to appear. The sun closed off, and she found herself back where she started. Looking behind her into the eyes of an average boy.

“uh, no, I wasn’t talking to you, sorry.” He said, with a little smile.

Catherine smiled back, “Oh, ok.”

She thought to herself, and pondered for only a moment.

“It’s a crazy world out there.”