A Little Bit About Brad Smith

My name is Brad Smith and I'm a real person. I never pretend to be something that I'm not. But with girls its a different story. I pretend to be something that I'm not because I think thats what girls will like. I'm not saying that pretending to be something i'm not will make girls like me. But the personality part I put forth will. I would really like to change this part about me. There's only been one or two girls that I've been able to talk to like my guy friends.

I think another reason why I'm so quiet around girls is because I'm shy. I'm a really shy person in general and have a hard time socializing. I think I might have multiple personalities because I can believe one thing and believe the opposite of it at the same time. I'm a very paranoid type person. Always thinking that people are looking at me when I know they're not. I think I'm crazy. But I know I'm not crazy in a dangerous way. I don't want to punch random people and stab random people. Except maybe now because of the way this girl I really like is treating me.

Now that I have her. It kinda makes it easier for me to talk to girls because I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I dont want anyone else. I would give up anything and anyone for her. Her name is Nikita Turban and I care about her more than anything in the world. So it really hurts me the way she treats me. It really devastates me. I dream about her everyday. I dont care about having sex with her or anyone else. I just wanta hold her in my arms. All I want from her is for her to love me and care about me. And right now I feel like she doesnt. I cant even think about her anymore because it hurts me. It literally hurts me to think about her.

Now its getting a little bit easier for me to think about her. But I cant stop thinking about how she keeps asking other guys out. And it seems so random. Theres no reason for her going out with anyone else. And she wont tell me why she does it. I think one reason is because she's trying to prove to herself and me that she doesnt need me. But love isnt about that, its about holding on to the person you love. Not trying to sabotage things when things are going perfect. I know I act differently towards her now. But she's not trying to work with me and make things better. She tells me that she wants to go out with someone else because they make her happy, which devastates me cause I feel like I'm not doing my job.

All I want is a girl who cares about me. All I want to hear from a girl is "I love you" I kinda blame Alan Gabbard for Nikita not caring about me as much as she used to. Because I remember her telling me that Alan told her something about relationships. So now I hate Alan. I'm trying to be friends with him. But secretly I hate him because he took the most important thing away from me. Maybe he didnt cause her to not love me as much as she did. Maybe I'm making it all up in my mind.

She always lies to me. She even told me that shes a liar. She told me that as if she cant help it. I dont care if anybody ever reads this. I'm just writing what I think and feel. If somebody does read this. Please tell me that everythings gonna be okay. That everything is gonna work out between me and her. Because I would rather someone kill me than to live without her. Even if we were to just remain friends when we're both 18. She would be just as far away from me than if she died.

Tell me everything gonna be o.k.