A Day in the life. Nick Campbell

Hey everyone.



So i find that in my mind i seem to be losing alot. Not of wisdom or smarts but of myself. I feel diffrent. Every summer this happens but as the years go by it gets worse. Most of you who know me know that i actually have picked up Schizophrenia and a depression disorder that im guessing is genetic. Its weird seeing the world in two diffrent views. A part of me wants peace the other wants to expand from that to make my own peace. As dumb as it sounds. I was told recently by my really good friend (he has known me all my life, he knows me better than anybody) Jake Garza that i have always been good at hiding emotions and smiling. He told me he could always tell but never said anything. Truth is im always depressed because of this it effects my life. Its the reason why i normally can't keep a relationship because my low self-esteem (im currently with Haley Clay though and she knows of my problems) also because of this it effects things in a good way. I am i would say a gifted Artist because of these problems.



Picture this/Your me:
You wake up feeling fine and then you look outside you think to yourself this is a good day but yet again everywhere there are problems, people dying and the world burning. SO that beautiful day in your head, and in your eyes aswell is horrible and burning. To yourself you see everything negitive but for people positive. You want to help people. The ones who need it.


10 minutes later its like you want to kill off the people who are weak, not the ones who are killing but the ones who can be takin out with ease.



I do find it funny when people tell me im going to end up being the "Anti-Christ" but i just dont know im him or it yet. I think its funny but in my mind i start to believe it. People who know me know that im not religious.



I was talking to somebody the other day and they know of my problems and they told me this "its weird because your like heath ledger/joker and you idol them so much." When he said this i asked and he said "heath was depressed but nobody ever knew it. The joker was depressed but he hid it with anger unlike ledger who hid it with happiness. Your like them put together. Like Two-face mixed with joker" I listened to him say this and i have to be honest it blew my mind. Then i realized The Joker is my favorite because i can relate, depressed but still has sadistic humor and so i stuck with it. I was thinking about it today aswell. In all perspective i am Two-Face. I deal with two people.



I dont know why or how. My family thinks im fine. Its just whenever i look at life i see this. Nobody likes life. Teenagers live off of school which they dont like, people argue that they like their friends but in general they dislike school. Adults live off of Work. 90% of Americans hate their job which is their life. They hate life.


This summer got bad whenever i took the United States Serial Killer test and when i found myself in my moms apartment thinking up a thousand scences on diffrent ways i could die and diffrent ways people would react. I hate life and yet i hate suicide. I wish something would happen to change my view. I dont normally speak this way because i dont want to lose my friends because im mentally insane. I love my friends. Just not myself.


I thank Haley Clay for keeping me sane and alive.


Honestly

I Love You Guys.


Nicholas Sterling Campbell