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How one person can make a big diference
Tragedy
 Created on 8-11-07
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 Story Rating G
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((It starts out boring hell doesn't everyone life..but this is a very sad story about the love of my life..and how we came to be please be patient i am not a good writer))
Shelby is a young girl at the age of 13.she never really had things go her way many would say she is the girl who got the short end of the stick.She is the girl who got beat up a lot ..up until about 15.But do you know why?No ...let me tell you then.It started the day her death was planned .she went to school never saying a word the entire day of hell on earth she could have never come and they would not have counted her absent ." Shelby! pay attention!"Coach marrables voice rang out in the large room . Causing an echo and stir of people to giggle. I nodded never looking up. My hands clinging to a pen I had now began to twist in My fingers hoping he would draw no more attention to me . The crowd was still focused on me i could feel myself grow more and more nervous by the second . What seemed like an hour had only been a few minutes and finally the crowd was back to watching my screaming teacher in the front of the room."This is why we are not the best class because some of us cannot pay attention"He glared at me his brow sweaty with anger.She took the yelling like any teenager would sat there in silence letting his words hurt her inside but not knowing one bit of remorse.Her eyes stung at the words he spoke but she held back her tears knowing it was only another day in hell .The bell sounded causing two of the people near me to jump slightly in reaction .Rising up she picked up the books her Tripp pants causing a slight jingle sound in the rush of people going by .The last person coming out of the room put his hands into my back and shoved hard "Out of the way loser!"he shouted.With anger pulsing through me I shoved all thoughts of taking the pen i carried and slamming it into his eyes at bay.It was only first block and already my day was turning to hell . Walking down the long halls in my junior high school i realized something quiet interesting .That no matter how many times my mom moved me from school to school there never seem to be a place i fit in.Why did you do this to me mom?..i asked myself ask if i could actually talk to my mother like she was a normal mother.She was far from it she chose a man over the well being of her family and happiness. Shaking my head slightly the hood i wore flaring out as i did so .Looking up into the eyes of my 2nd block teacher I knew at once I was in trouble again."the hood miss Johnson!" he said anger filling his voice .I nodded pushing the hood back with ease as i walked into the dead silent class .I was Late .Taking a seat at the back of the class only to be called up to Mr .Shingles desk. Walking slowly up the isle. The only sound in the entire room was the soft jingle of my pants the chains on it rattling causing the tinkering sound.For the first time since the day had began i looked up to the front of the room not looking down i felt myself falling before i realized i was tripping my foot had been caught by a boy now laughing his head off .Gravity had won i fell hard my hands barley catching me before i went face first into the ground but not fast enough to stop my chin as it made direct contact Tears in my eyes i sat back on my knees my face a deep crimson as blood dripped from my jaws. Looking up to my teacher my hands smeared with my own blood ."Shelby go the nurses office!"He yelled more mad at my mess up then at the kid who had tripped me .Standing up slowly i looked around the room the faces of everyone a blur but i could tell there laughter was alive in the room. Walking to the door i never said a word only let the tears i harbored in my heart poor.My teachers yelling in the room not giving any one sentences or anything only explaining to them it was not nice for them to get blood on his new carpet that only made them laugh more .I knew in my heart these people where not monsters .I knew they could be good but the question was not could they be good.It was ..should i give them the chance to be .Walking to the nurses office i knew it was almost time for lunch and the bell would be ringing any minute to thrum through the long halls.
((Please ..help i dont know what to do to make it sound better....this is a true story and it sounds like shit because i cant get the words right of the feeling of this moment in time...anyway help me please bye))
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On August 14th 2007 LilithDragon Said : | |
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hi there, i know i am starting to comment on every part of your story, lol. Ok, major improvement would be altering your intro. You have an inspiring title. Don't start at thirteen or fifteen. Start now. Something like' this is how one person made a difference by saving me life.' next paragraph could be like 'at the time i wouldn't say i had a life to save, you see my life was one of misery. Every day was a war i would end up losing, fraught with pain and worries.' you may be writing a true story, but you don't have to start it like... a diary. |
| On August 11th 2007 LokiSeto Said : | |
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Well... I don't comment much here because people don't need the harshest critic on her reviewing their work. Anyways most think of my arrival as a time of doom and despair. You're lucky. You're a good writer. It looks alot like my brothers but like him your spelling and grammer is abit messy but... This is the thing that people with perfect grammer and spelling will never have... You can create a full character and a full world. Most writers write and all they do is say what the character is doing but you have sounds, of others. Namely the chains on the pants is what stood out. You're starting on an excellant rough draft and the more you write the better you'll become. Good luck. |
| On August 11th 2007 Savedbyalamb Said : | |
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wow, i liked it keep me posted |
| On August 11th 2007 lvm3932 Said : | |
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hey your doing fine i love to write and i always have sme brilliant idea but like you i just cant find the words to use to say what im fealing their for their is no excitment right ? how do you fix that i dont believe their is a secret to writing just some people are natural good and others they have to make rough draft after rough draft before they get a masterpiece un fortunately if you anything like me you get alot more rough drafts then you do masterpieces right lol ... you may think your story sounds like shit it really doesnt you have alot of discriptive writing or as my teacher like to say (voice ) and i understand just what is happening in the story so cudos on that .... please keep me posted on your story and dont give up =) i know i know i sound really corny lol but oh well |
