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Where Am I Going Now?
Tragedy
 Created on 12-31-07
 Views(49)
 Story Rating G
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When I was 4, Scott came into my life. Only 2 short years later did he become my "father." I didn't mind...I didn't care really. He was semi-nice to me, so I never thought twice about him. He got me into thinking about the way things are and how they became that way. He got me to wonder about the world and Life in general.
I think he knew that one day I would surpass his intelligence, expected it I suppose. But he taught me too well, I believe. I noticed things most wouldn't think of. Like how there just happened to be a camera pointing at The Towers when they fell. Or how the more you complain about a thing, the worse it gets.
I was in the 6th grade when things really began to jump at me. Girls, for instance. Hormones, one might say, but thats not what I noticed. I saw the pain they inflict unto each other in daily routines. I never understood why they would hurt someone than deal with their own problems.
I never got picked first for anything, the red-headed runt. Couldn't keep up with everyone because of my under-developed lungs. I was the butt of many a joke. Most of them I did not see as funny, only cruel. I had to make myself into the class clown, so that I could have some social status.
I always was told by Scott that one day I would change the world...So badly did I want to believe him. But I wondered who would take a red-head seriously. I was the brightest kid in my classes, I guess. But I didn't really think much of homework and tests. To me, it didn't seem practical to say that one child is above another. It only breeds disdain and resentment.
I was a sheltered kid, I think. My parents didn't let me watch too many R- rated movies. I had a set bedtime, 8:30 every night. Read a book until 9 and then I went to bed. But I never told them that I didn't sleep then. I never found it easy to sleep. I had to lie there and think about things before I was calm enough to obtain slumber. And even then, it was not for long.
I didn't really have a religion, growing up. Scott was Catholic, and my mother was Christian last time I knew. But we never did anything that resembled theological traditions. Yes, we celebrated Christmas and Easter, but those are done by families that are not religious and whatnot. We didn't go to church. The only times I've ever been in churches were for funerals.
Death...I understood what that was, even as a small boy. Which is not something one should be proud of, I guess. But it helped me realize that death is natural and not something we should be afraid of. Death is the next step after Life. I do not know what lies beyond this realm, and I will never claim to.
Love was a big thing for me, I fell too easily for the wrong person. Which I think everyone does, once in a while. But I did find the special someone. I know in the bottom of my heart that she is the one that was made for me. I was never someone to let myself be me, but she was someoen who made me want to come out of my shell.
But it was never to be. My family had always had monetary troubles, and we couldn't pay our mortgage on our house, and so the bank took it. We had to move, not too far, but far enough. I still went to the ame school, but I was now entering high school. She was in 8th grade, so we went to different schools. I never told her how I felt until the day before the move. And I was to have gotten my first kiss from her...That was to be my most precious day of my life. But I had to help with the move. We had mutual friends; a person in my class rode the bus that I used to, so I could still communicate to her on the most part.
Then came the fateful day that I will never forget. At the end of the school day, I got a note from her (passed on from our "messenger"). I read it, and I cried. She loved me, she actually loved me! But alas, Life did not want us together. I was changing schools the next day.
From there I spiraled, I went out with people I wouldn't normally have, I did drugs, I cut, I dabbled in pagan rituals. I did everything to try and forget that day. But nothing I ever tried worked. I could not drown the pain.
After two years of not wanting to do anything that might get me hurt, I finally got a Myspace. I tried to find her on there, and I did. What I found was not unexpected, but it still stung like a thousand needles. She had moved on, and was with someone whom I had considered a friend. That tore what little I had left to shreds. But I still decided to talk to her. And I am grateful that I did. Today, she still knows that I will always love her, even if Life will not let us be. I have not talked to her in a month, and that hurts. But I know that Life does not always let you have your way.
So here I am, sitting in my chair, telling people my story. I do this not for pity, or "kicks." I am doing this so that I can always remeber that Life goes on, and that she knows. I can hope for a better tomorrow, because I look at yesterday. I try to help people so that they will not have to go through what I went through. I know that everyone must travel that path in Life, but I want to lessen the pain of that road. When I have more to tell, rest assured, I will.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On January 4th 2008 snakerulz Said : | |
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wow |
| On January 4th 2008 amshaye Said : | |
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thats very sad but i luv this story. |
| On December 31st 2007 transgenic Said : | |
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This is great! Very bittersweet. |
