My Lover's Touch

I've always had my best friends, but then, around freshman year, I met her. Who is 'her' you ask? Well 'her' name is Andrea, and she destroyed my life by full filling it. Shes the reason I was disowned and kicked out. Back then, I didnt care. She was the only one for me, and the only reason to breathe. To this day I think of her and wonder where she is. How she is. Who she is. Her name isn't pronounced like most girls. its not 'and dree uh' or 'an dray uh'..its 'on dray uh'. People never seemed to get that right. EVER. So she's Andie. Sometimes it's Dre. What I remember most about Andie is her eyes. They were... im not sure if the right color... a mix of ice and sky blue, with the smallest hint of perfection. They were gorgeous. They had a ring around them that was dark blue and dark gray and her right eye had a freckle. The smallest hint of a brown spot over towards the south east part of her eye, or was it south west? It hovered between the pupil and the dark ring. Being OCD as I am it always caught my attention but it was one of those imperfections that never once bothered me. I loved it. She would dye her hair so I was never really sure of its color. It was alot of red and blonde, a hint of maybe mohogany... or chestnut. It looked different in different light. It was so soft. It must have taken alot of conditioner becasue it was really long. It was as perfect as the rest of her body. Her smile of course was perfect. She had had braces for a year, even though she never really needed them. She was always subconcious of those. She had a very fair skin tone. Ivory white was her base color but she was porcelain to me. Just like a doll, she was so fragile and delicate. You just wanted to capture her and pick at her to see her inner workings. To try and see any flaw even though there never would be one. She was a work of art in the form of a human.

Ever since the first time I saw her I wanted to hold her and touch her. I wanted to be with her. Most people say that love at first sight is only lust. This was different. I didn't just want to kiss her or have sex with her. I wanted to wake up in her arms everyday for the rest of my life. Of course it would be a few months before that would get to happen. During those months I got to know her, those inner workings. I knew by heart things she loved, hated, feared. I'll never forget that first day. The day she walked into the theature, into my life and into my heart. Usually It would just be me and my 2 basic best friends but this time was different. One of my 'best friends' had brought someone. An old friend of hers from another school. It was shortly after christmas break. A few months after I had come out to my friends. I had known for awhile I was interested in girls more than boys. Never did I expect that I was lesbian. It was always bisexual. Maybe there was a chance for a normal life with a boy. That wasn't true. No boy wanted me and I knew it. Girls gave me this feeling. Something I had only ever felt with them. After the whole coming out ordeal, my friends decided that they didn't care about who or what I am, they were still my friends.

What I didn't know about this old best friend is that she too, was gay. Throughout our relationship we both realized we were straight lesbian, but maybe now that changed and shes bi again or even straight. I shudder to think of that. She was perfect as a gay girl, so for me to think of her to only fuck men, well it sickens me. We went to see the latest hit. My friends thought they'd be funny and sit us together. It wasn't so bad it was just the way they did it that irritated me. They sat on the outside and made me walk all the way to the other side of everyone to sit at the end of our group of seats. Just so I could sit there, next to an angel and an annoying old woman who never shut up with her friend and didnt know how to close her mouth when she chewed. It was a good movie. A British movie of war and communism in the future. I made my comments to her throughout the movie. I fell silent when it came to the story. The story of two women ripped apart by this war, this new holocaust. Tortured for being gay and falling in love. The movie told of her stuggle and of her demise. Through this I was silent. My tears were held in for I knew the pain of rejection from society. Fighting back my tears, all I could do was look at the armrest, where her fair skinned arm layed. Wishing to just grab her hand and never let go, I stared. I had to resist because it was our first meeting. Actually it was out first meeting in person. We had talked over the internet for some time before this. Our mutual friend thought we'd be good friends. Neither of the three of us knew, we were destined for more. As the movie was ending and we were leaving I said my goodbyes. I gave a hug to the mutual friend and to my other best friend. I started to walk away with my brother and his girlfriend, who were my ride. I got half way between the car and the place they were standing. I stopped. My feet wouldnt let me go any farther without doing what I knew I had to do. I turned around and ran to her. I wrapped my arms around her and embraced her for only a quick second. I felt something explode in me. I felt my adrenoline rush. From that second on I knew it was her. It was her I was supposed to be with.

We started to talk on the phone more often and later into the night. Anytime I went somewhere I asked her if she would come. She usually never could. It would be another month after our first meeting that I'd have to wait until I saw her again. We, of course, went to the movies like we always did. I had met her at the place at around 5, I had been there with a few other friends since 2. By the time she got there I was alone, all my other friends had left and I was supposed to sleep over her house that night so I was alone until she got there. I was so nervous, even though I talked to her everyday and was infatuated with her, I was scared she wouldn't like me. Which was nonsence but theres always that fear. She showed up with one of her friends and her friends boyfriend. Our movie didn't start until 7 so we walked around a bit. I let my shoe "fall" into the fountain because I wanted to go in the water and she didnt want me to. Honastly, i can say this now, I was jsut trying to impress her by being daring. After that we went to the River side and watched the sunset. I sat on the wall while she stood at my legs. I never wanted to let go of her hand. I knew while it was intwined with hers, that that's the only place it should be. We saw the stupiest comedy. It was the fourth in a series, it was destined to be dumb. She layed on me and we held hands, while her friend Alex made out with her boyfriend Andy. The movie finally ended and they left. I was so excited! I was going to sleep over her house! My mother never really let me sleep over anyone's house, if she had known what Andie meant to me she would have never let me go.

The night was so perfect. I never wanted it to end. When we got to her house we went straight to her room. Her bed was really comfortable. We played with her white cocker spaniel dog named Ben. He was so cute. She turned on her radio and we listened to music and sat around. Finally after sitting around and joking, her mom told us to go to bed. I got dressed for bed in the bathroom while she changed in the bedroom. This part scared me. I didn't know where to sleep. I asked if i should sleep on the bed or the floor or the couch. She said I could take the bed. I felt bad i didnt want her sleeping on the floor or on the couch. I refused, i told her it was her room so she oculd sleep on the bed and i'd take the floor. She laughed. She meant we'd share the bed. My heart raced. I've always been an uneasy sleeper and i didn't want to kick her or anything like i've always been known to do. I just decided i wouldnt sleep. Aparently so did she. we were up more than half of the night talking. We would hold hands but it didn't get physical. our thumbs would rub each other. "They're having thumb sex," she would say. The room was so dark. The only light made was a really bright red light from her stereo. She put in a cd she loved and got back into bed. A song came on that described everything so perfectly. What we were thinking, doing,feeling. This was our song. I asked her if it could be our song and she agreed. we just layed there, intwined together. i was in heaven. I had kissed her cheek and her hand. It was all i could bring myself to do, i was so nervous of doing something wrong. Finally around 130 in the morning she began to hold me, I liked being that close to her. She played with my hair and i fell asleep.I didn't want to , but i coudnt help it. i woke up around 11. I didnt move because she was still asleep. I woke up in her arms and i wanted to do it everyday for the rest of my life. She woke up a few minutes later. She gave me a hug and said good morning.

Her mom was already at work. The phone rang so she went to answer it. All i could think was "She walks cute." I leaned in a doorway and watched her walk down the hall. She put her long hair into a ponytail the whole way to the kitchen. I followed and went into the living room, dropping onto the couch. She walked in and said that people were coming to look at the house because she was moving. I knew it wouldnt be too far away. She dropped onto the couch next to me. She moved closer. She grabbed my hand and carressed it with hers. she kissed it softly and smiled her sweet smile at me. All i could do was look at her and smile. Then it happened. My first kiss. my breath flooded out of my lungs when her lips touched mine. I really liked her and wanted her to do it again, and she did. Everytime her lips grazed mine i lost my breath. Something wonderful happened next. Her tongue swept over mine. It was soft and wet. It was warm and minty. Before i could even get a breath back, i felt it again. This time, mine swept over hers too. I had never kissed anyone before so i was afraid i wasn't good at it. I guess she thought i was because she really seemed to want to kiss me. I let her be my teacher. I learned when and how to move my lips and tongue. I held her face in th palm of my hand like they do in the movies. she had her arms around me and i rested my hand on her back. I ran my fingers up her spine. What i didn't know was shes extrememy ticklish and she giggled a little. She apologized and kissed me again. we kissed for quite sometime. she showed the house to the strangers and then she returned to me. We went to her room and we litened to music and kissed some more.

A little while later her mom came home. Miss Monique didn't know about Andie so we had to be careful. We went and got some chinease food and came back to the house. We sat there eating and watching a lovley asian movie about female performance artists. i held her hand the whole time as we ate. then i layed down on her leg and watched the movie. i fell asleep. i had a good grip around her leg with my arms. when the movie was over we went back to her room. i would smile and pull away. the feeling that rushed through my body everytime she pulled me back was undescribable. what she would say when she did this was true in every aspect, i was hers. we didn't get much farther than kissing, we had to be careful of her mom walking in. Once it had gotten a little far but then her friend Alex showed up. My mom then called and said to get ready she was on her way. i got up to pack but she haulted me. we danced to some music. Actually we swayed in each others arms. When i finished packing me and her went outside and sat in the driveway and waited. Finally the car of doom drove up to rip me away. the whole way home i tasted her tongue in my mouth. that night i did nothing but cry. i couldnt sleep next to her this time, and i'd have to wake up without her.