Created By

KrystalToney

Rate this Story

Embed

Have you ever made a mistake so horrific you just wanted to roll over and die despite the fact that everyone tells you it is going to be okay? This is how I was because I knew everything was not going to be okay. I was 14 years old, unmature, just a girl. I had nobody, but my mom and that night I let her down. I let him come into my house and ruin my life forever.

He said ''Just this once...I know what I'm doing.'' He was 16 and just as unmature and lacking in knowledge as myself. He laid me down so gentlely that if felt so right. It felt so soothing to be wraped in his arms, warm, safe. But it wasn't. He didn't care if I was safe, warm, or soothing. He came for one thing that night and like a jackass I gave it up willingly.

He massaged my body like pro, he must have done that ritual hundreds of times before because it was perfect. He bribed me, with his bodily features and orgasmic touches, to undress. I should never have taken off my shirt, my bra, my pants and then my panties. I let him take advantage and by this point he had full control.

He touched me like no one else and it felt good. Oh god I knew it was wrong, but I wanted it so bad. I let him climb on top of me and fell under his calm timid control. He had me right where he wanted me. He kissed me arousing feeling within my soul. It was the pefect night, so it seemed. Then it happened. He took away something I could never get back. He broke the seal that forever held my innocents and my self control and he did it without a look of contempt or care.

He quickly grinded, ignoring my gasping pleas for him to slow down. It was first time and he didn't want to make it special, but like I said I was 14 and didn't even know what special was. Then he lost control. For the first time that night he couldn't control what was happening.

He came. I could feel the burst of semen running through me like warmth from the sun. His eyes grew bulk and afraid. His age and authoritive appearance decreased with the frighten look upon his face. There was no going back. He quickly dressed and left. I still lay lying in the bed, with the pain surging between my legs. He left me alone and cold.

The next day I took it upon myself to get tested. I was so stupid and insecure. It should have never happened. My life was so boring and tasteless and I thought maybe he would add some spice and sweetness. Instead he left me with a blue strip. It was positive. I was pregnant. I couldn't bare to tell my mom. She loved me and trusted me and I would die before ever telling her that I betray her. I cried myself to sleep every night afterwards. It was so hard.

I tried to act normal and go to school normally, but I knew nothing was normal. I had a being growing within my belly and the worst part is I couldn't even tell him. He didn't even bother to ask. I now know why he had gotten frighten and ran out. He knew what he had done and was afraid to accept the consequences. I finally got the guts to tell my friend about my 'little secret'. She was shooked, amazed like it was the best thing ever. I said ''No...it's not. It's the worst feeling of loneliness in the world.'' Of course she didn't understand why I felt the way I did, but she did see how much it hurt me.

She came to me one day recomending this little procedure that would make every thing normal again. I was desparate for that normal. I agreed to the procedure. That next day I ditch school and headed for the hospital. It seemed, as I walked down the white halls, that everyone starred at me and could tell why I had came and could read my mind and see that night when this nightmare had began.

The following week I was back in the hospital and thanks to some strict codes and a couple papers I could get away with the abortion without my mother knowing. I was angry with myself for lying to my mom and for even putting myself throught this. I remember laying down on the table, reminding myself of that night. I starred into the bright glow of the light overhead. This was it.

He placed the gas mask over my face and asked me count aloud. I don't remember what number I got to, but the next thing I knew I was off in a different world holding my unborn child. I could myself playing with her, protecting her from the dangers, and hugging her. Then she disappeared and I stood there amongst the shadows calling to her. ''Kylie...Kylie.'' But she never came back. I don't know why felt so real, but I can still remember her crystal blue eyes in my dream and I could even feel her touch.

I woke up and it was all over, but nothing was normal. She was gone from me...forever. The doctor said I was free to go...just like that. My Kylie was dead, gone, vanish, non-exsistance. What right did I have to kill her soul as I did.

Though my pregnacy was over I still cried myself to sleep. It was like it was still happening, but she was longer in me. It felt even more horrible and disgusting than that night when she was conceived. Why? Why didn't I just try to stand up for myself and be a good mother like my mother was. She was single and managed to love me and care for me. Till this day she still does not know and I'll probably never get around to telling her.

Sometimes I still have dreams about holding my child, but she always fades. I wish could go back and make things right, but I can't. Now live in disgust and denial. It's hard, but I know I have to manage because my Kylie looks down on me and prays for me. I hear her in my head, so I strive and pursue. If I ever make another mistake, which I want, I will never have an abortion. I could never live like this twice. NEVER.