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KaosQueen

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<div style="border:1px #ccc solid; background-image:url('/images/ray.gif'); font-family:arial; width:200px; padding:5px;"><center><div style="font-size:20px;"><a href="/story/KaosQueen/24105">MY STORY...THE LAST TIME...</a></div><table><tr><td width="50"><div style="color:#2CC362; font-size:15px; padding-top:4px; background-image:url('/images/profratebg.gif'); background-repeat:no-repeat; width:44px; height:26px; text-align:center; font-weight:bold; vertical-align:middle; padding-top:8px; padding-left:1px; " valign="top">10</div></td><td><div style="height:100px;width:100px; padding-top:9px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url(/images/storyCover.png);"><a href="/story/KaosQueen/24105"><div style="margin-left:9px; __padding:0px; height:90px; width:70px; background-repeat:no-repeat; background-image:url('http://www.testriffic.com/storyfiles/24105.jpg');"></div></a></div></td></tr></table></center></div>

+ 8	HOW IT FEELS LIKE
+ 10	MY STORY...THE LAST TIME...

  I knew I shouldn't of but I couldn't help it. So I picked up the smallest screwdriver from my cluttered desk and took the screws out of my sharpener. My hands shaking I then removed the blade out of it. I slid from my chair to the floor and stared at the blade whilst testing it on my finger for sharpness. It was sharp and smooth, a clean cut. Tears coming, I pulled my trackies up and showed my bare legs in the dim light of my room. I closed my eyes and touched the tip of the cold blade onto my leg and slid it. I opened my eyes and looked down, slowly the blood came. With the blade still in my hand I cut some more.' Tap' 'tap', my mother had awoken and was walking around. I quickly dropped the blade, turned off the light and jumped under the covers of my bed. My mother's steps then receded back into her room after making a trip to the toilet. Turning on the light once again I checked my leg and wiped the blood. All of a sudden I felt a rush of tiredness and blackness overtook me.
  'Beep' beep' my eyes slowly opened to the sound of my alarm clock at seven am. Tears prickled my eyes recounting the day before; I wish I'd never done it. I got out of bed and put my school uniform on, ignoring my mums threatening remarks I walked out of the house slamming the door as loud as I could. It was raining but I didn't care, it felt good for the mood I was in because no one would notice if I was crying. Trudging into the school with my head down I went to the lockers and took out the books I needed for class. Someone bumped me from behind and I turned around to see my best friend smiling at me I smiled back. You're all wet she said, yeah I replied I then told her that I needed to talk with her at recess. I left quickly after seeing her worried look before she could ask anything. I walked into form room and sat down with my classmate she asked if there was anything wrong and I said it was nothing then went into a dazed look for the rest of form. At the end of form she looked at me and asked if I was sure that there was nothing wrong I replied with the same answer, annoyed I wouldn't say anything to her she went and talked with her friend. Classes had finally finished and it was recess I went to the lockers to meet up with my best friend. We walked into the library and sat down. What is it she asked, tears prickled my eyes so I put my head up to keep them down, I stayed quiet. You know you can tell me everything she said to me, I knew I could but I was afraid the tears might have come out if I looked down. After a while I thought the tears had gone away from my eyes so I put my head down to look at her. I broke apart and let everything go I recounted the last night to her and she hugged me saying things to cheer me up and that I should have called her no matter what time it was. After I calmed down a bit she looked me in the eyes and told me to promise that it would never happen again, I looked away and said I promised it was the last time and if I ever felt like that again I would call her. But in my head I was still unsure.
  Ever felt like everything was coming apart, you were all alone but with a circle of friends around you that you don't know about. That's how I felt that night that it was the end of everything. I still can't think of what made me feel that way, what had triggered my breakdown, it hurts my head to think about it. I read in a book the if you ever were to hurt yourself even one time there was a high chance of you hurting yourself again, sounds true enough.
  But I promised it was the last time.

 


>>>BY SONYDA SARAH PROK :)

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