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...someone save me |
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Little Black Dress |
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Walk of Redemption, Pt. 1 |
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Tragic Beauty |
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Tragic Beauty
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she was driving down the same highway, as always. she knew which traffic lights would usher her forward and which ones would tread on her progress. by the shifting gray of the clouds, she knew a storm was on its way. not at all unusual. everything was familiar, part of the same routine. but somehow it felt different, this chill surrounding her. her eyes seemed to move in slow motion, taking in every detail, the wind mocking her own breath. somehow she knew today was her day. "I must be emo or something.." she thought, laughing nervously at her own morbidity.
the truck came out of nowhere.
meanwhile, he had been at work 2 hours and was already dreaming of being home. he was thinking about her, how he didn't want to leave her this morning. sometimes it seemed silly, he knew just a few hours later they'd be talking about what to have for dinner. he smiled at the thought. a few minutes drifted by when he felt himself engulfed by an unexplainable presence. "What if it was the last time...?" he said the words out loud and immediately dismissed the paranoia.
the guy who'd hit her had been talking on his cell phone, in a hurry to get to work. he'd run a red-light, like he often did. she didn't know all this. all she knew was the horrible crunching sound still echoing in her mind, the flash of light in her brain. now she felt pain and she knew in a strangely impersonal way that she would be going into shock soon. the realization that she wouldn't be alive tomorrow settled in like a cloud. all she could think of was him. there was only one thing she could do, and somehow she hoped he would get the message.
the paranoia he had felt could not be shaken. he was sweating, trying to calm his mind. he knew though, deep down, that he would not see her tonight. he ran into the bathroom and slammed the door and instantly started sobbing, the pain in his heart growing by the second. he had to let her know. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.." he kept screaming the words over and over, praying she would hear him.
1 week later
she was so worried about him. it had been a week since he had seen that horrible accident. every night he had nightmares, reliving the event. it was too much for an 8 year old boy. he told her that the screams played over and over in his head. it was still unbelievable that a woman who had been impaled by a jagged piece of metal that shot through her windshield managed to scream "I LOVE YOU!" over and over for almost 5 minutes before her life faded. even more miraculous than that was that her new husband had been screaming the same thing at that same moment while he'd locked himself in the bathroom at work. if it hadn't traumatized her son in such a painful way, she might have been able to appreciate the tragic beauty of it all.
Comments
| On February 17th 2007 LinLin030988 Said : | |
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You're a good writer- it's spontaneous and captivating. The only thing I would change about it.. is some of the wording choices- as good as it is now it could be even better. :D |
| On January 10th 2007 footmouth1022 Said : | |
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I love what you're doing here with the story. I want more of the character than the situation. Pull me into one of their souls. Does the woman smile when she sees a leaf blowing in the wind? The the young man rub his earlobe when he's nervous?
Try rephrasing some sentences for grammatical reasons. Ex: "by the shifting gray of the clouds, she knew a storm was on its way. not at all unusual. "
Might be: "She knew a storm was on its way by the shifting grey clouds, not at all unusual."
Beautiful... It was enjoyable and moving. I hope you don't mind the Critique... I say every word with the utmost respect. |
| On January 3rd 2007 merrik234 Said : | |
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chills....
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| On January 3rd 2007 Ekahnicole Said : | |
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it is supposed to be that way, to show how all this chaos is going on at once. The paragraphs are divided to show a different persons perspective. |
| On January 2nd 2007 ALUSION Said : | |
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it needs more detail. the story doesn't seem stable, it jumps around and confusing the hell out of me. |


