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DeanCentricGal

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Am I always going to be alone? To love everyone from afar? To give up on every ‘love’ I’ve ever had? To hide my pain behind a fake smile? To watch my friends find their soul mates, While I sit in the shadows, Unsure and isolated, Am I ever going to find Mr. Right? Is there even a Mr. Right for me? Do I deserve one? I’m cold, hurtful, vile, I yearn for someone, Anyone. And yet, once I get them I push them away or I lose interest in them. It’s like a sick game of cat and mouse to me. I want someone to love me and to hold me. I want my friends and family to accept him the way I do. I want them to stop thinking I’m so…wild. I’m trying. Hard. To start over. To become a better girl. To prove to them that I can change. That I can stop giving up my heart so easily. Why? Why does it have to be me? Why can’t I find someone just for me? Why do I, nonstop, have to run around like a lost puppy trying to find him. Why can’t he come to me? Why do I constantly have to be the one who gets hurt? I give ^up my love to freely, I know that, I know that since I broke my heart into a million pieces I’m passing out those shattered

sections to any and everyone that seems to catch my fancy and in the process, falling for each one. One in particular. One I told myself I wouldn’t let continue. Couldn’t. One that’s started the vicious circle of hurt all anew. He doesn’t mean it. I know he doesn’t. It’s my fault. It’s ALL my fault. I’m confused and uncertain, I don’t know WHAT I want, I do know though, I don’t want to go through all this again, I crushed my heart the last time I gave it out like this. Am I destined to hurt myself a second time?