Suicide

Authors Note:

It may seem like there should be more before and after, but there isn't. :] I'll clearify somethings for you guys though, since I was planning on using this for something and then forgot for what after I had written. *shrugs* I have a horrible memory, sue me. :p Anywho, Raine is the Alpha Female of her pack, and her mate leaves a lot to go places [no one knows where though], so she feels alone all the time, even with everyone else around. Anyway, Walker has just returned and well, I hope you all like it. ^^

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Raine watched Walker quietly, an ugly feeling crawling up inside her gut. He was right they all had missed him but she... Sighing, Raine looked away hugging her waist. She was being selfish, but why not? Their relationship had changed to being only one-sided it seemed and it hurt. What had happened? Why was everything taking a turn for the worst? It made Raine feel utterly...alone. Raine brought her attention back to her pack and her mate. Once more she watched him before her eyes briefly flickered to the others in the pack. The ugly feeling grew and Raine blinked away her tears. What the hell was wrong with her? She was acting weird even to herself, yet she couldn't help it. It was like her perfectly built wall, the support that had kept her going had crumbled into a thousand little pieces. Like a dam breaking and all the water that was held behind it came flooding through, crushing her under its weight. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Raine wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned her chin against her arms. "I yelled a lot. Threatened Draz and yelled some more." She whispered, looking down at the ground yet at nothing in particular. Her mind had wandered and Raine wasn't really all there. "So you didn't really miss much." She sat there quietly for a few minutes not saying a word, not moving and then she did. Using her legs for support Raine pushed off of them with her hands and stood, shifting quickly before she ran.

Ran past her pack members, her mate, the trees, everything. Nothing was in clear focus and her chest hurt but Raine continued to run. She didn't no how long she'd run for or how far but Raine stopped at the edge of a cliff. She figured she was pretty far since there weren't many cliffs that she knew about in the woods. Panting slightly, Raine looked down, feet closer to the edge than was necessary. It was a long way down, a longer drop than anybody even an immortal would be able to survive and Raine ached to jump. To feel the wind rush past her until she hit the ground and was no longer part of this world. But how would the others think? Would they wonder what had happened to her? Would they know she’d died? Picking up one foot, Raine stood there hovering for forever it seemed before she placed her foot behind her and took a few steps back, shaking her head. "No." She whispered to herself.

For a split second that ugly feeling inside her had taken over, the other one in control. The one that made her regret being a Lycan, the one who made Raine really feel like the monster that the humans called her kind. I’m twisted. She thought, I shouldn’t even have a mate let along run a pack. If I really went over the edge with her I’d probably kill them all and not regret a moment of it. Raine shuddered, huddling in on herself as the tears finally fell, her body falling in on itself to the ground. Horrible, body racking sobs. Raine honestly didn’t know why she was crying, nor why she was having these absurd mood swings and feeling so down lately but she wanted it to stop and yet she didn’t know how to do that. Crawling back towards the cliff, Raine stretched out a hand over the edge as if she could touch the bottom and in some weird and screwed up way it would make things all better.

Raine felt the tingling of someone trying to call out to her but she shoved her barriers up and blocked them out. She wanted to be alone and yet not alone. She wanted someone to comfort her, wanted to feel like she needed to be there with them, like she wasn’t just a waste of air and matter. Her tears stopped as quickly as they had come and she just laid against the ground, arm over the edge as she stared down at it, spacing. Not thinking yet not really in la-la land yet, which she realized for a split second that she’d been doing that a lot recently. Like she couldn’t stay focused on the real world and just had to go away into her shell and hide.

Watching the birds fly below her and animals move even miles more farther down, Raine had come to a decision. Her earlier judgment had been thrown away, the other taking control of matters for the time being. Crystal blue eyes looking out to the world as Raine’s normal golden hide inside herself, safe for the time being. Standing Raine once more looked down at the ground, feet close to the edge. Taking a deep breath Raine did the inevitable.

She walked off the edge.

Raine fell through the air like a rock, gaining speed as she continued to descend. Mother Earth, her dearest friend for so long, was coming closer with incredible speed. Raine turned in the air, her back now towards the ground, eyes staring up at the sky.

And then she hit.

The impact caused Raine’s body to snap like a twig, the fall killing her instantly. The last thing Raine remembered seeing was a bird fly by before everything went dark and she felt her body die...