To Guard The Emptiness

     She sit's in her room alone, cold and still.  But in her mind she's reliving everything she did wrong that past month. All the ways she hurt that little boy which she loved so dearly.  'Little boy' was just the problem though, he was to young and niave to understand why she'd done the things she'd done. How could she fall into such a deep love with someone like that? Someone that did not see past the angel eyes into that dark and sinister world that she had woven into her soul.
     He just didn't not realize that sex and love were to completely diffrent things to a woman like herself.  Yes she loved him, and yes it was only him that she loved, but that was no reason for her to not pretend when he was not around.  When he was unable or unwilling to be there when she was in need that she could go cry on the shoulder of another man. A man that ment nothing at all to her. 
     Or was it her that was the problem? Was she wrong and could not see the clear connection between the two loves, was she so wrong to refuse to feel that emptiness that has crept inside her for an eternity?  She can not be alone or that emptiness may consume her. She fears nothing the way she fears the return of that feeling. He was what was holding it back, but when he left that emptiness took his place and she had to find someone, someone else to fight it away. It could kill her.  And, being just as niave as that boy she loved, she searched for a temporary relief of the pain. UInfortunatly, she found it in yet another guy; well not just another guy you see, it took two to fill that place in her soul that she'd left open for him.  And those two others still did not fill it right, the girl was about to give up and let herself be swallowed into the darkness that spiriled her head and stabbed into her soul.  But as the answer to her prayer, or so she thought, that little boy that she held so dearly in her heart came back for her, to save her fome the chaos and torture she'd locked inside herself all those years ago when she'd felt her first loss.
     She was overwhelmed with relief when she looked into his eyes once again, it was like gazing upon him for the first time once more.  But that feeling of relief did not last, quite the contrary it tried to kill her as well.  That little boy did not understand the emptiness that was trying ever so hard to make her it's prisoner, infact he was angered by it.  Confused more or less. He did not like that she had tried to find replacement to guard her fomr that feeling until he could return to her.  He could not accept that she only loved him, that the rest was an act to keep her own sanity.
     That little boy that she loved more than any other left her.  He left her to be taken over by the emptiness. By the darkness.  And the little girl cried.  She cried and that feeling came back stornger than ever; but it was not alone, it was acconmpined by another feeling that she had not known before. This new feeling was determination, she had to get that little boy back, not just to fill the hole and keep her safe fomr the darkness that grew inside her, but because she'd felt that he'd become a part of her, a true love.  Her newly found determination now keeps the darkness back, and all she can think about is how to make it up to him, how wrong she was to hurt him like that...This wounded little girl had fallen into a love for that boy so strong that the love had taken over the darkness.  She, for once in her life, was truly sorry.  She truly cared.  She, to this day is searching, not for a fill-in for that boy, but for only he himself, because no one else can do.