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Horror movies make me laugh
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 Created on 6-7-07
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So I was watching a preview for Desterbia the other day, and it looks pretty good. Its about a boy under house arrest who witnesses his neighbore committing murders, and he can leave his house and the cops wont believe him. Then it occurred to me: why doesn't he just take a picture of it. This lead me to remember a conversation I had with Leesha when we were discussing the movie Vacancy. Why is it in those type of movies (people trapped in some place by deranged people with knives) they always get some innocent stupid couple. Just once I want them to trap like Jet Li, so I can just watch him beat the shit out of these nut jobs for an hour and a half, or like a tough ass redneck trucker. Guy with a knife tries to force the door open, trucker pulls out a shot gun and just starts blowing holes in the door. Or better yet killers trap a serial killer who's better, Id watch that. Just a bunch of serial killers chasing each other around: what fun.
Then I started thinking about zombie movies. I love zombie movies because the people in them make me feel smart. Those people love to die. I mean zombies aren't very smart and some how they always trap these people on the highest floor in the building. Of course the sensible thing to do in that situation is to clime down the elevator shaft, I guess stairs are for wimps or something. I also love how they run every where. If I'm in a city over run by zombies I'm getting the biggest fucking vehicle I can find and running their asses over. You know what happens to a zombie when its hit by a Semi: same thing that happens to everything else.
The movie Saw is a good movie in respect that it takes out these factors by having the people drugged and taken to where ever. But I think for Saw 4 Jigsaw should capture Pen and Teller. That would be funny as hell. They'd be slipping out of the restraints and catching the bullets. Teller pulls Jigsaw out of a hat.
The Hills have Eyes 2. Did this remind anyone else of Pauly Shore in In the Army Now. The soldiers are getting their asses kicked by a bunch of mentally retarded mutants. Its like do any of you even know how to use your guns or are they just for show. I mean shit six kids with sticks would have faired better than these guys.Ok here's how you fight mutant cave dwellers.
1. Find cave.
2. Throw grenade in cave.
3.Repeat until you kill them, run out of grenades, or the cave collapses.
The movie Decent made me laugh. It is a group of women rock climbers who go climbing in an un charted cave and guess what: freaks of nature live in the cave. But not just any freaks, freaks that cant see but have become expert climbers because they live in the cave. I remember one scene where one of the woman was hanging over an abyss, and one of the freaks climbs with all for feet across the ceiling towards her. She of course starts to freak out. Personally I would have taken my water bottle sprayed down the rocks he was holding on to and watched the freak slip of into the abyss, but that's just me.
Animal horror movies just always beg the question why? Take for instance the movie Deep Blue Sea (great movie, I loved it). The scientist genetically enhance great white sharks making them bigger and smarter in a compound in the middle of the ocean. I have to ask: why? What to do we have to gain out of making a better shark, less seals? But that didn't bug me nearly as much as the fact that they were doing it in the middle of the ocean, I mean that's just asking for trouble. And the scientist always explains that its safe because they have some whoopedy do security fence. Know what's better at keeping genetically altered sea creatures from running a muck that a state of the art fence: land. Tank breaks, shark flops around and dies, end of movie.
I always liked werewolf movies. I love that it isn't until after the werewolf has killed like 40 people that they find out you need a silver bullet. Now I'm no werewolf expert but I'm fairly certain an RPG to the head or waist would work too. Or a chain saw; really any thing that explodes or can cut something in half at a rapid pace would work.
I love vampires too. Only monster that can be beat by the basic contents of a Home Depo. Who the hell dies from garlic. Movie idea Dracula vs. a pyro, Dracula shows up and is immediately lit on fire. Wakes up and his house is burnt down. Dracula calling the cops to report an arson., then has to deal with the American legal system. That's an hour of fun right there.
I also like possession movies where someone gets taken over by a demon. But why do they only ever seem to turn that sea sick green color. If I get possessed I want bat wings, horns, and fire better shoot out of my hands.
Well that's it later.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On August 15th 2008 Firedragon307 Said : | |
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Dude you are 100% right, i would do the same too, horror movie's r so funny, ma fav type of movie, i always watch them lol |
| On July 21st 2008 EbenezerStone Said : | |
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"Dracula calling the cops to report an arson., then has to deal with the American legal system. That's an hour of fun right there."
lol |
| On June 20th 2007 jessi610 Said : | |
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hey, you and i were talking about that too! It would be HELARIOUS to see 2 serial killers trying to kill eachother, that would be one of the funniest movies ever! |
| On June 18th 2007 Cheshir Said : | |
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Yes I am...Years of neglect of my room....Yes I am...Lots of love to you too...Max |
| On June 18th 2007 kassidy21 Said : | |
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Max you're the greatest...But I don't know where you come up with some of your ideas...You are creative and unique in each and every way....Lots of Love...Kass |
| On June 8th 2007 krista32890 Said : | |
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That was GREAT! I. LOVED. IT. You are so true about everything. And good movie plots too. You're a funny guy. |
