[Suicide] PART 5

We had been walking for a while, when I stopped looking at Aaron and began to think about it all. The whole, "suicide" thing. Even though I may not have looked like it, I was a person of logic. Straight facts. I didn't really believe in myths. No matter how much I wanted too. It was just, the world could be described through fact, and logic, even though myth and legend and prayer was easier. I guess ever since I was little I had taken the hard road out. Just trying to see how things work no matter how bit the headache. I could sit all day with a logic novel and flip through the crisp pages and not care what life outside was like. I was a geek. A nerd, a logic freak.

Even with logic at my side, there was no way to describe this madness. Everything was seeming to unravel time and space. And only one man could do that, and I wasn't sure that I had true belief in Him. I suddenly turned my head to the sky, and sighed. Aaron didn't notice. Inside I wish he did. Just ask me whats wrong...I complained, Just ask me...please. Even outside of this "dream" I had no friends. None that understanded me enough to care. Even my mother seemed to have lost hope in me of being a normal little daughter. Fourteen-year-old tennagers still care. They still care about who likes them. Who doesn't, whatever. But I had creamed a large shell around me. I had let only one person in and He wasn't very relieable. Praying got me no where really. I had to make my own life, and praying seemed to be out of the question. No one had really ever asked me what was wrong before. It was as if no one had really cared. My life wasn't tragic at all really. My mom had a good job, dad was in the army, good enough grades in school...But I was just too quiet...

"Hey, Meggie..." I snapped back to reality almost as fast as a hangman's knot breaks your neck. Aaron's head was bowed, looking at his bare feet as he walked. "Yes?" I sounded so figgin' formal. "Meggie, did you ever think about the really deep questions?" The question shocked me. What was this dude, Dr. Jekal and Mr. Hide (or however you spell the skitsafrantic dudes names)? All I could do was nodd. Thinking about it, I had. Logic had sparked my mind into trying to explain the big questions. Never really worked out, but I had tried. "Yeh...You think about how much time you have left?"

I nodd again. Now he was going into that deep stage. He has more mood-swings than P.M.S itself. "Yeah..." I manage to whisper. Aaron looks to me with his big, icy-eyes. "Meggie, have you ever asked yourself...Why you shouldn't die right now?" There must have been a target on me somewhere. It was hitting the nail on the head every single time. And as we walked, along that vast high-way road, I stopped to think. When I did he stopped too. "It's the big questions, that get ya huh?" Aaron turned away from me and began walking again. That was something I couldn't explain with logic. Why he kept talking to me, when I was a nobody. Why he bothered to care where I was after the bus kicked me off. Did he really care? Did his handsome boy really care how the hell I was? After knowing me for only a little while?

"Come on! I think I know how to get to the city faster." I heard him shout. Jogging a little way out, he slowley got to his knees. Like a track-runner, he placed his hands on the ground silently. "Hey, I want you to wait a second, so I can see how this works," But he looked up to me with this straight face and calm eyes, "I promise I won't leave you though..." My eyes widened with fear, What is he going to do? and Why had he said such a thing?

His hands pressed hard against the road's hard surface. I tried to ask him what he was doing. The words just wouldn't come. A blue BMW came at a pacing speed from behind. I could hear it's roaring engine against the other cars. As soon as I turned to see what was coming, he bounded. Off the ground and onto the back of the car. Grabbing the top and steadying his feet. "Aaron!" I found the words. Something told me that he wasn't going to be able to hold on so long like that. The way that his feet were postioned was odd and uncomfortable looking. His back had to be arched at an angle that I could have sworn someone like him would not be able to accomplish. But he had. Aaron's witts may have been a little confusing, but they were there.

I watched him for a moment, standing there in silence. I didn't worry to much about him. Aaron had told me that he wouldn't leave me. Even though I had a shell as hard as steel, I had a weak spot for trusting him. He paid attention to me. Unlike most people. His words were almost poetic in the way that they came from his mouth. I didn't want to trust anyone. Yet, inside me I had begged for someone like Aaron to come along. Even if this may all be just a dream...

"MEGGIE!" Aaron was running back. His hair didn't move far from his eye though. Barely swinging enough to uncover it. "Meggie...it works!" I didn't know exactly what he was talking about, but I nodded just like any other time I was lost for words. "I saw the city. The city Meggie...The city!"