Created By
Rate this Story
Embed
|
+
5
|
Praise Thy Almighty Fish |
|
+
5
|
Annarhi'al |
|
+
7
|
Tears of Blood (Chapter 1) |
|
+
11
|
Pandemonium |
|
+
11
|
Happy Leprechaun Land |
|
+
13
|
A Bushranger's Diary |
|
+
11
|
Aleera (Part 13) |
|
+
12
|
Ebony |
|
+
12
|
Aleera (Part 12) |
|
+
12
|
A mercenaries tale. |
|
+
12
|
Aleera (Part 11) |
|
+
12
|
Aleera (Part 10) |
|
+
16
|
It's called Self Defence |
|
+
12
|
Aleera (Part 9) |
|
+
15
|
Aleera (Part 8) |
|
+
14
|
Arabell (part 2) |
|
+
17
|
Arabell |
|
+
15
|
Aleera (part 7) |
|
+
17
|
Aleera (Part 6) |
|
+
25
|
Aleera (part 5) |
|
Aleera (part 4)
|
The next day Antonio went to see Aleera hoping that by now she had calmed down. As creaky wooden door opened and he peered inside he saw Aleera again staring at the sapphire amulet, straight away she knew who it was but did not bother to look up with her deep secretive eyes. "Is that what mother left you?" he asked, Antonio paused hoping for a reply but he got none "looks like it's pretty expensive..." he continued "yeah, you would have to be a genius to figure that out" she murmed sarcastically still looking down at the precious gem.
Though Antonio disliked his younger sisters sarcasm he was still glad that he got a response. Antonio and Aleera looked very alike both with slightly tanned skin blue eyes and good posture. Antonio had long black straight hair that touched just past his shoulders, he usually had it pined up behind his ears. He was commonly seen wearing a whit and green robe reaching exactly at his ankles. All in that family looked as if they were far more then worthless peasants, though thats all they were. Somehow they were familiar too the royal house hold.
Comments
| On June 5th 2007 LokiSeto Said : | |
|
|
Add a "the" to "As creaky wooden door". Period at the end of amulet. "secertive eyes"? Since when is she holding a serect or trying to fool someone? period at the end of "he asked". Comma after "paused". "she" should be changed to Aleera. Gives in a little more power to the sarcasm. Comma after "sarcastically". Comma after sarcasm. Comma after "both". "whit" is actually "white" and "at" should be changed to "to". "All in that family looked as if they were far more then worthless peasants, though thats all they were. Somehow they were familiar too the royal house hold." No idea what you're trying to say there. Is he a peasent? If so why does he have a green robe? Why does she have a "sleeping chamber" instead of a bedroom? It doesn't make much sense. Rework that bit. |
| On June 4th 2007 sexyqtpie Said : | |
|
|
oo! write more! |
| On June 3rd 2007 FreakinLlama Said : | |
|
|
I'm interested to hear more. |


