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Arabell |
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Aleera (part 7) |
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Aleera (part 3)
Short
 Created on 5-16-07
 Views(157)
 Story Rating G
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Aleera was breathing heavily and covered with sweat, she took a deep sigh of relief and lit a new candle. The small gem was still in her pocket, it seemed to give her comfort. Aleera sat back on her bed and examined the precious amulet... it was at this moment that she noticed the foreign inscriptions on the back, the strange symbols were smooth and sensual yet she still had no idea what they ment.
The small room was cold and even with the flickering candle it was still very dark, the atmosphere never really seemed to change much in there you could always see long and lonely shadow even though there was very little furniture.
The rest of the house was silent so she went to see if any one was awake. As she exited her sleeping chamber and began to creep silently down the hall she heard faint moaning coming from her fathers room.
Aleera started to open his door when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder and a deep voice whisper "leave him be" she spun round too see her elder brother Antonio glaring at her, she scoffed at him and headed back to her room "Aleera, our father will be OK... i promise." She turned round with a cold stare and raised her voice "how do you know that? how does anyone know that? don't make promises you can't keep Antonio." she then speedily yet silently raced back to her room.
Comments
Please Login to post comments| On June 5th 2007 Aleera00 Said : | |
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I have made a lot of mistakes in this but it is because I was in a rush I was writing it about 5 minutes before school started. |
| On June 5th 2007 LokiSeto Said : | |
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How does she know it's in her pocket? Did she feel for it? Did she look for it because she knows it comforts her? Then when did she take it out? It's still in her pocket yet she's looking at it? "ment" should be "meant". Period after "dark". "the atmosphere never really seemed to change much in there you could always see long and lonely shadow even though there was very little furniture" What funiture? All we know is a bed and... whatever the light is one... what is creating these shadows and that sentence jsut doesn't sound right. It's silent... why go to see if someone else is awake if it's silent? Sleeping chamber? Now you lost us... who is she and when is this? I don't think she'd be creeping... maybe walking silently. Period at "hall". "she heard faint moaning coming from her fathers room." should be changed to "A faint moan came from her fathers beroom". Period after "leave him be". "round" should be "around". "too" should be "to". Period at "glaring at her". Going good as a middle section of a story. I'm only picking out grammacal mistakes and not really story mistakes. Over all if you get a spell checker or do it on Word before hand you'll have a really good story. |
| On June 4th 2007 sexyqtpie Said : | |
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its getting even better! |
| On May 16th 2007 FreakinLlama Said : | |
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Interesting. I want to know more. |
