Lessons in Seduction (Part Twelve)

- Him. I breathed out a sigh of relief and leant against the door.

“You terrified me!”

“And with good reason.” He reached past me, turned the key, and we both stepped through into the hall. He turned his back on me to lock the door. Pausing afterwards to stare at that old scar in the door. “You just don’t understand, do you?”

“Understand what?”

He laughed – not his usual laugh, it was detached, sarcastic, it said “see what I mean?” He replied, “that man is after you, he’s still roaming the streets, I could have been him, and I could have quite easily killed you at that moment.”

I backed away from him, scared and confused. “I didn’t have another way of getting home, Mel was being a bitch – “

“ – oh no.” he stated dully, “you fell out with your boyfriend and your friend. That must mean you’ve got to risk losing your life.”

“Do you think I didn’t think about that, about the risk?” I asked him, feeling abused and upset. “It turns that I am being hunted by my friends, for money.  I didn’t want to trouble anyone for a car journey – I felt betrayed and had to leave.” I bit my lip, it all sounded so pathetic. I shrugged off my coat and put it up on the hanger, next to him, not daring to let my eyes wander towards him. “I’m sorry” I said. It sounded flat and pointless; I wandered into the living room, and began to pretend to read. I waited for the door to close, maybe a goodbye.

How could I ever think this was going to work?

We constantly argued and annoyed each other – I was whiny spoilt brat with no friends. He was warm and caring, much older and much, much wiser.

“I just want you to look after yourself.” I jerked my head up to see him without his coat, in the living room with me.

“I am trying – but I can’t always manage so much on my own.”

“You’re not – you’ve got me, your parents and the police – “

I laughed. “My dad is home one month in a year – I don’t think he knows what has happened, my mother is now away for another month as well – yeah, she must really care. And the police – well, they see me as an angry, emotionally unstable brat – which is probably right – why should they care?”

He seemed taken aback – probably because I never told him of my neglectful parents.

“Well, what about me? You’ve still got me” My eyes welled with tears

“Have I? We’re a couple, but we never see each other. I love you – “ I touched his cheek, “But we always argue and fall out, I always feel too young” my hand dropped. “I feel so alone, so frustrated, and so confused. There isn’t enough space in my head for all of these thoughts. Thoughts of you, thoughts of my parents and Mel. Thoughts of exams.” I laughed at how unimportant they seemed now. “This thing with that guy… that just adds more confusion and pain than everything else. I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten, I haven’t gone an hour without crying or feeling such a surge of anger that it makes me shake” I turned away to hide my face, which was now twisted with the hatred I felt for my life. “I don’t want you to go, I love you so much” I choked “but, I don’t think that we can be IN love, I don’t think that you deserve the evident package that comes along with me.” I looked at him once more. “Do you?”

“I don’t deserve you, and you don’t deserve that load. This romance of ours, if you want to call it that – it is bound to be strained, understatement of the year, I know” he added when he saw me begin to role my eyes “but that is what makes it all the more worth fighting for. I love you, and I have never stopped. I’ve been snappy and distant because I’m scared about how to react to this situation, to the fact that both of us are being watched so much more – I’m worried that we will be forced to separate because of it. I don’t want to to break your heart – and I don’t want mine to be broken either.”

I stared at him, we were both looking into each others eyes so deeply. I felt him lean his forehead against mine. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me towards him, he brought his lips towards mine, just tracing mine with his, before pulling away, I felt myself smile, and I kissed him properly, entwining my arms around his face and neck, making sure he didn’t pull away. I poured into that kiss all of my fear, frustration, anger, hatred, love, passion, desire, and promises. He gave back just as much. I ached in places I didn’t know existed, and I soon began to lay back, pulling him down with me. I wanted to feel every inch of his body against mine, I wanted him to warm me again.

He did. He kissed me over and over again, I felt his hands drag along my body, like he was testing every contour. I breathed in and out so deeply, as I let my hands slide down his back, feeling his rippling muscled body, his hands suddenly slipped under my jumper, curving around my hips, before continuing their journey upwards. Goose pimples erupted all over me, and I found my shaking hands travel over his shoulders, so that I could loosen his tie and undo his buttons. I smoothed my hands over his chest as I did so. He kissed me harder – telling me not to stop.

I felt him reach where my bra was, which was territory never strayed upon before. I realised how far we were about to go – but not even the nerves could stop me from finally peeling back his shirt and lifting my arms so that the jumper could be lifted off me. There was now more bare skin against bare skin than there ever had been for us. Minutes later, and we had finally worked our way to his trousers and my jeans, which eventually landed on the floor. He kissed my neck, and across my collarbone. I kissed his shoulders. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I sighed as every part of him pressed against me.

He leaned back and looked at me in my white underwear, blushing and trembling. Waiting for him to lead the way.

“Are you okay with this” – the same words he said to me before we shared our first kiss.

I smiled, “Yes, just nervous”

“Don’t be”

He then proceeded to give me one of the most important lessons ever.