Response to a Letter from a Friend (Also Posting as a Story)

A sad tale _____... And something each and all of us go through at some time or another, waking up, despising the one we see in the bathroom mirror, wondering who they are, and where who we thought we were went, that mirror is often our worst enemy, even if sometimes, it is our best friend; showing us what we don't want to see, and sometimes, showing us what we think we see...

I've heard bits and pieces of your life _____... And I'm at a loss to as to how you think of your younger self as pathetic, sad, lonely, not worth it... Perhaps sad and lonely are completely true... But a young soul has myriads of worth too it, (you know what I mean, and I know you think your soul is very old... but you get the point) and nothing can ever really crush that... It is all up to the person within to take what is done unto them and turn into something else, something good, and do it unto themselves, or unto others. From what you've detailed to me, your young self was as strong as they come, valiant, brave, virtuous, without hate, with love in her heart, even coming from a background where those qualities had little nutrition to flourish, and much to kill them off, still, the good in you prevailed! How can you possibly say that your young self was nothing to be proud of? Take pride in who you are, girl! There are many people who would love to be graced by your presence, and to hear wisdom fall from your lips, as those of us whom know you, know you are full of, even if you often don't recognize it your own self.

Locking away who we are, never solves anything! Perhaps particular features, that sort of thing should be locked away, brought out in the late of the night in our minds to be examined, turned over to see how it can be turned into something good, and worthy to present to the people we esteem the highest, and for the selfless, worthy to present to anyone who needs a friend. Why run from your past _____? You have no need to run from it... It is firmly cemented in the past, and that is where it stays... Until we call it forth once more. Embrace it, learn from it... But leave it. Let it die, use it to teach others if you wish, but don't let it consume you, because it can, and will, and you will be left as nothing but a shell... But you can also consume it. Your character is one of the strongest I've ever come across ____, and if I were to see you, I'm sure your aura would be bright as bright can possibly shine. Take your past and mold your future. There is really nothing else you can possibly do with it... As it has already happened. You cannot change it... But you can make sure that it never happens again. Embrace that lonely little girl ______. Take her, and show her she is loved, for she is, and always shall be.

Death is always hovering before us _____, beckoning us along... But is he really there to destroy us? Many cultures describe death as cold, pale, skeletal, harsh, evil... Why does this have to be so? Personally, I've always viewed death as a kindly old man, pushing us along, telling us to make the most of the time we have, to live, and, love, and let our minds soar... For in the end, that is what truly matters, is the knowledge, and the experience gained from this life.

Why do your dreams always take you back ______? Have you ever confronted it? It beckons you, attempts to embrace you... Have you ever let it embrace you? Ever let you show you what it really wants? It is all in your mind, after all... Have you forgiven those that hurt you, have you forgiven yourself for not being 'stronger,' or any other amount of things that you blame yourself for? Dreams come to us for a reason _______, press on, and find yours...

______... Love... While you may 'feel' weak and pathetic, let it be known to you, that you are not... You are strong, and vivacious... Fiery and beautiful, I doubt if there is another soul on this beautiful earth and all its jewels to rival the beauty which lies within you, the potential locked in your soul... You can, and probably will do great things ______... Greatest of which, for your son... I cannot think of anyone else i know who could ever possibly be so selfless and undertake a task such as you have, with him, and the inevitable knowledge that he is dying... And you have people who will stand by you in that task, ______, people who will be there to hold you up, and offer a shoulder to you, whenever and wherever you need, myself included.

Self pity is nothing more than harsh critical self examination, when we start to feel like we're a bit less than we should be, feel like we aren't worth it... Why aren't you worth it _____...? Because the people that hurt you most told you that you aren't? Fuck them. You are worth it, and always will be... Worth it to your son. Worth it to _____. To _____. To your Grandparents. To me. Why ever feel not worth it? I'm not belittling you, this I promise you, I understand where you stand, upon that cliff of self doubt, ready to take the plunge... I've been there so often, felt so ready to let go, felt so tired, even while wide awake. We all have, at some point or another, even if we don't care to admit it.

Carrying on, one way conversations... There is nothing wrong with being a listener, a comforter, to listen to others ramble on, the whole day long. Absolutely nothing wrong with that... Sometimes it's all people need. Again, _____, here I find you attacking your own self worth... For something that is priceless... Why do you listen to these demons, perched upon your shoulder? Why sit an destroy yourself, for the scum who destroyed you? Rebuild yourself _____, find happiness in the joy you bring others, for you do. You bring joy, and know, that even if you bring tears... It is because that someone, somewhere is sad that someone like yourself is disappointed or hurt by them... No one would be better off with you gone from their lives, and many are bettered for you having entered in.

Not caring if you wake up in the morning... Perhaps not. Again, I feel like that from time to time, waiting, all night long to finally close my eyes, and think to myself that when they finally close, what a blessing it would be to have them close for the last time, to let my weary soul and heart rest, escape from the world it has found itself lighted in... But each morning, when I awaken, still I drag myself from the bed each morning... And lately, partially because of you. To come talk to you, to learn of you, and from you... There are people in this world you value you priceless ______... Myself included. So take those thoughts whirling about, and let it be known to you, that they are there, because you care. You love, you mourn... You mourn that little girl inside... But you don't have too. Be grateful for her. Be grateful for who you are. Be grateful for the things that happened to you, and realize what an amazing person you are, even through that things that occurred, perhaps even because of what occurred... And if you feel you can't _____... I'll be there to help you through each struggling step you take, up that mountainside, til you can turn and say... Look how far I've come. And many others will as well...

Many love you ______, I love you, and you will always find a friend when you are in need... in myself, or another...

Love...
Preston
Always and Forever